January - March 2012

[ldyjocelyn]

Part 4

Sparky moves on to Tia and asks her if she's been intentionally playing under the radar. This would have been a great opportunity for her to tell him that she has also been dismissed but she goes on about learning the game and approaching with caring, blah blah blah. Old men can't stand that kind of run on blather from women. Trump interrupts her with "forget it. Don't worry about it."

What he means is, "With that mouth, you aren't hot enough to sleep with. Or tolerate."

If they lose, Debbie says she'll be bringing back Tia and Teresa. She explains that Teresa doesn't own who she is. I'd say Debbie has over owned who she is! But anyway, I think Debbie's explanations are bogus and I think Tia and Teresa both did a fine job with this task. Debbie just doesn't like them and it's all about popularity with an aging teen queen. Thank god Debbie never had a little sister to follow in her footsteps.

Have you seen Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

This could so totally be Debbie.

Tia finally starts to talk some sense and mentions how she and Teresa were marginalized. No one is talking about Dayana being in that van, but the beauty queen wisely remains silent. Sadly, Tia doesn't seem able to form complete sentences and kind of talks like a half baked California girl, so although her ideas are partially expressed, she never delivers succinct answers. I have a feeling the minute she's project manager, Trump will fire her because he won't be able to stand to listen to her.

Trump wonders why Debbie would treat Teresa and Tia so dismissively. He suggests it is lack of respect.

Guilty! Tee hee.

I just realized something else.

# of Grammy's The Debbie Gibson, musical superstar, has won: 0

# of Grammy's a freaking Hawaiian actress has won: 2

Jealous much?

The Trump children review what the Buick boys liked about each of the presentations. Dorkus Amongus mentions Aubrey using the word Verona instead of Verano. Donald tells her it is a good reason to get fired. Sparks then leans over to Adam and asks him if he's drooling over what he's hearing about the women's team. Adam says he's tumescent.

I thought it meant something like glowing, but having just looked it up, I discover that Adam is zinging me one last time with his horrifically bad jokes. Tumescent means abnormally distended by fluids or gas. *sigh* Please let his team lose and let him be fired. No wait, that would mean having to tolerate The Debbie Gibson one more week. Fuck – I can't decide.

Ivanka tells the men that the Buick dudes loved Adam's presentation and knowledge. But that they were disappointed with Michael's stage presence and that he was a little too reserved.

Bullshit! That's your issue. I bet Daddy promised you the leg bone.

The men believe Adam did such a great job that maybe Buick will ask him to actually be their spokesperson. Seriously? Maybe if they have an offensive line of cars that spew fart smells and have semen stains built in. Sparky tells them that won't happen because the men lost the challenge.

It's nice to see Debbie get choked up as she realizes that she's going to be able to give fifty thousand dollars to Children's International. She tells a gut wrenching story of what she saw in the Philippines, but I'll save it for next week's show when they'll force us all to watch anyway.

The women hobble out of the boardroom in their high heels and tight skirts. Since Teresa didn't get fired as Debbie had hoped, she now decides to try to make good with her team mate. She tries to tell Teresa she does respect her and she's been telling everyone she knows what a lovely person Teresa is. As in I used to think you were a honky shrew dope, but now I don't.

Teresa doesn't buy the calculated crap.

But she does pretend to. I miss Victoria, who bluntly told the girls it was on and called all her teammates bitches. That was a real woman!

Back in the boardroom, Penn is shocked that their team lost. He thinks if it had been a room full of real car buyers, Adam would have sealed the deal. Lou then says that he isn't surprised because not everyone was utilized. Does he seriously think if he had dressed up as the Hulk they would have won? How would the Hulk have added to the marketing of the presentation?

Doesn't matter, Sparky is distracted by remembering his man crush on Lou Ferrigno and asks Lou to compare his hand size to Adam's.

Donald forgets all about gunning for Dayana

as he wonders what else Lou has that big.

Adam brings it back to the point, which is that how could an audience judge who was being underutilized? He does not believe they did a bad job and that the presentation did not fall apart. Things go south again for Michael Andretti when Lou points the finger at him as being the weakest player on this task. The Trumps are firing off left, right and center about the team failing to use the Andretti name and Michael having crappy stage presence.

Michael's teammates all speak up in his defence and bring home the point that he's not a performer, he's a race car driver. What more do these idiots want? Trump tells the men that Andretti is a name, a brand and it was underutilized.

And so here is my point from the beginning. The Andretti's are a legend, not a brand. A brand is something meaningless and frivolous that you create a bunch of stupid t-shirts, bracelets and water bottles to promote so everyone thinks they have to have it and decide to buy it. A legend is something that has value and worth in its own right and requires no promoting because it is simply a very good thing that the world acknowledges and accepts. Michael Andretti is a legend. This means he does not have to do a song or a dance to convince people he's the new it thing. It also means he probably isn't capable of doing a song or a dance.

I thought this was supposed to be the Celebrity Apprentice, not the Performance Only Celebrity Apprentice. The Trump hounds are wrong, wrong, wrong about their insistence that Michael Andretti should have taken on this task. As for the female bloodhound's point that no other task would be better suited to the poor guy, I'd like to point out that this task was about marketing, not driving. A different task that required more behind the scenes logistics would most likely be a better fit for Michael than this challenge. If Ivanka was assigned a task of teaching people how to sew, would she be the best person to do it because she has a clothing line? Clearly from the ill draped pink candy creation she wore this entire episode, doggy girl does not know the first thing about fittings.

Sparky asks the men who should be fired and many people think it should be Lou. But Sparky won't be letting his piece of man hunk go anytime soon. He's in love. So he tells the team they aren't being fair and are not giving Lou a chance. He suggests Lou be the project manager next time if he doesn't get fired. Lou agrees. That should be interesting!

Sparky tells Adam he has to pick two people to bring back with him to be fired. Adam refuses to pick anyone because he says this whole thing is on him and it is no one else's fault. Trump announces that if Adam refuses to pick two people then everyone is comeing back to the board room and he is going to fire two people tonight.

The women watching in the other room shriek in disbelief and the men decide that they are punishing Adam for his solidarity. I don't think so. If we do the math, there are eighteen contestants and only fifteen weeks of show. At some point there have to be multiple eliminations, so this was inevitable. It just so happens that Adam irritated Trump, so he took advantage of the moment.

Amanda tells the men they can return to the boardroom. The trumps watch them enter.

You've got a little drool there…

Sparky says he is firing two people since Adam didn't want to bring anyone back. That makes no sense and is such bullshit. Don't put this on Adam when you have already decided you want two people gone. Donald tells Adam he has great respect for his reasons for not bringing anyone back and then promptly fires him. I am surprised that he then dismisses Adam and sends him on his way.

So long, very intelligent man with very annoying sense of humor!

But of course Sparky isn't done. There are bones promised to the children, after all. He hones in on Michael Andretti right away and first claims the team thought he was one of the weakest players. When that is disproven, Sparky points out that Arsenio at least thought it. I would like to think Sparky is smart enough to spot a yes man when he hears one, but apparently not. Arsenio only claimed to think that because he was just baying with the wolves.

Sparky bitches that he told the team he wanted Michael to be the project manager. Michael says if he had known he had to be project manager he would have been. Then Sparky points out he was weak on stage. Michael says he's not a performer. Sparky says he's been on stage his whole life he should be used to it. Michael says he's been on stage with a helmet on.

Everyone on the team thinks the second person to be fired should be Lou. But ultimately, Trump says they didn't lose because of Lou. They lost because of Michael. And so he fires the ineffective and nice guy for no real reason.

I hope Dad gives me the steering arm.

You're such an idiot, DJ. The meat is in the legs.

Amanda watches the tearful good-byes as Michael and his team hug it out.

Why does this girl get face time?!?!

(I'm just doing it so I'm not left out of the secret.)

Good-bye, Michael Andretti.

Thanks for never doing anything so stupid that I had to snark it and piss of my friend who is your cousin. You will be missed but truth to tell, I'm sort of releived you are gone. Still, the whole thing seemed like a bogus set-up on the part of the Trumps, didn't it?

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they're posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!

[ldyjocelyn]

tvgasm.com

Celebrity Apprentice: Best Frenemies Forever

Celebrity Apprentice Recap – Best Frenemies Forever.

Greetings Gasmii!

Welcome to Episode 5 of Celebrity Apprentice. If you have actually been watching the show, that is ten hours of your life that you will never get back again. How sad for you.

I, on the other hand, have no choice. Since this is the only thing I have even remotely resembling a job right now, The Professor chains me to a chair, pries my eyes open and positions me in front of a tv every Sunday night after the Amazing Race.

Not the Donald! Please don't make me look.

(P.S. Congrats on your Hollywood star, Malcolm!)

In any event, for what it's worth, here is this week's summation of the two hours of torture I sit through for you, the beloved readers of tvgasm.

This week, Aubrey finalized the proof that she is in fact genius. I now know this to be actually true because after one of her many hilarious and spot-on statements, my husband, the brilliant Professor, turned to me and admitted the pop star has something powerful hidden under all that fake pink hair.

Mensa approved by The Professor

This week's episode picks up with Lisa telling her teammates they have to keep winning tasks. Patricia points out that they are going to have to change their behavior, because they are undermining their team by saying negative things about each other. She tells us in private that the problem is that the click of Aubrey and Lisa is bringing the team down. She doesn't actually say this to the girls' faces, because she understands that Aubrey is a diabolical genius.

This headpiece is actually a decapitating disc.

The men return from the board room and don't seem as sad as I would have expected. They come in chanting the theme music, as they know the women are scanning their ranks to see who is left. Lisa gasps "Lou!" as he appears; baffling the women for just a moment.

Then the men congratulate the girls on beating them in a task involving cars. After everything I've heard (I would recommend listening to Adam Carolla's podcast about the episode – found in reader comments on the last re-cap), I don't really believe the women won that task. Sparky was pissed and wanted retribution; it was only a defacto win for the ladies.

That doesn't stop Arsenio from kissing their asses, though.

Lou has trapped Tia and is counseling her on the fact that they both have to step up and fight more for themselves. As if Tia doesn't already know this. I think Lou's just looking for a way to connect to one of the hotties. Lou tells us he's going to have to be the next team leader or he knows he's gone.

The opening credits roll and I get my one moment of pleasure as I groove to The O'Jays awesome tune while I watch the Donfest imagery. For the first time I notice this:

Please tell me this is CGI and that NYC never agreed to stoop so low!

Debbie meets with the representatives of Children's International to deliver her $50K in winnings. Happily, there are no horrific images and no tears shed during this segment. Debbie tells the reps that she's been playing the game pretty well as she offers them the money.

Yay me!

Do you think Debbie also won because maybe they would rather give all that money to her charity, rather than Catholic Big Brothers (Adam's charity)? In the 2.5 seconds of research I was willing to do, I found that Trump ditched that particular religion in the 1990′s… just a thought.

The teams are now standing in the New York Public Library and Trump walks up with a pack of subordinates. VampEric is with them this week! I guess Ivanka is still gnawing on the last bits of sinew from poor Michael Andretti and still can't be disturbed.

Trump asks Arsenio what he thought of Adam's choice not to bring anyone else to the boardroom. Arsenio tentatively says, "it was honorable." Trump tells Arsenio, while it may have been honorable, it wasn't that smart.

Crap, why can't I ever blow the right smoke up his ass?

So Donald points out how beautiful the public library is and then decides he will demonstrate how he will use humiliation in his sex life with Dayana, once he snags her.

Bitch, on your knees and tell me what you see.

I see beauty, just like up here.

Wrong! Now crawl over here, slut.

You so do not stand a chance with me, cerdo.

Trump introduces the teams to the O'cedar representatives that have joined him and starts talking about floor cleaners.

They better not expect me to mop!

The teams this week have to create an original theme and make a video that is supposed to go viral for their newest product, the Promist spray something. They will be judged on product integration, entertainment value and brand messaging. Remember that for later.

The teams gather together to decide who their project managers are going to be and Lou tells the Unanimous team he wants to do it. Tia tells her team that her ex was in the commercial business, so she has seen it all. Then our little diabolical genius comes on and mentions that she has decided not to be product manager because the brand has been around for hundreds of years, just like Tia, so Tia is a better fit. Bwahahaha!

It's like Wilma Flintstone and Lucille Ball's

love child has been taken over by a mutating skin virus.

The men tell Donald that Lou will be their project manager and Sparky asks Lou how he feels about it. Lou expresses himself the best way he knows how, that is to say, he rips off his coat and does push ups.

Sparky won't need any Viagra tonight.

The Don tells them that O'Cedar is adding an additional thirty thousand to the winning team's already guaranteed twenty thousand. He predicts that one team will be very happy and one team will see somebody be fired. Duh! Did someone script that for him?

The men are riding back to the war room in vans and Paul admits to his fellow passengers that he doesn't really know what viral means.

Let us all take a moment here to thank the deity of your choice that Adam is no longer on the team.

Penn explains, with the help of Dee what a viral video is and the men start to talk concepts. Naturally, Lou wants to star in whatever they come up with, and this time, because he's the project manager, his team finally won't be able to say no.

The women of Forte have been allowed to abandon their cool car/dumb car conflict, now that the show gave Ford their minvan product placement on the last task. But now that they are all in one van, there are new problems arising. For instance, Dayana is in the very back shouting out ideas to the girls in front.

How about a pregnant Cinderella whose

water breaks and she shouts I'm gonna kill

you while she follows a trash truck.

"I think I might be permanently deaf in this ear from Dayana's bad ideas."

Aubrey tells us that for the first time, Debbie Gibson isn't getting on her nerves. She admits that Debbie is one of the three strongest players on the team (second only to herself and Lisa). This is important news because women like to zero in on one chick to group hate and it looks like this week it will be Dayana at the bottom of the popularity ladder all by her lonesome. Debbie seems to have climbed up a couple of notches.

In the Forte war room, Tia is examining the vacuum and thinks it could be a weapon. Lisa dismisses it, pointing out that there is already a lot of ads where people fight with mops and dance with mops…. keep this in mind too.

An exec from O'Cedar shows up and asks the girls how they can make the mop sexy. Tia lights up.

I can do sexy. See?

The exec goes on to explain that they need a new catch phrase and last year their catch phrase was "dirty little secrets". Aubrey interjects, "So it has to be something that is fun that someone my age would want to pass around."

The O'Cedar ProMist Mop; like Herpes, only cleaner!

The exec tells the girls it is important to make it fun, but how sexy they get is up to them.

Oh, yeah. Maybe I can launch a comeback porn career after all.

End Part 1

[ldyjocelyn]

Part 2

As the men are discussing the wants and needs of O'cedar's vision, I am completely distracted by the fact that the lines of stereotyping are being blurred on this show. Why is it Arsenio, the straight guy is so much better dressed than our last remaining beloved gay dude?

Clay looks part homeless, part '70′s businessman

and part Mr. Rogers. Pick a look already!

The women are throwing around ideas and Lisa pipes up with the concept of "what's your number?" She has to explain that it sounds like they're asking about the number of sexual partners a person might have, but what they really mean is what is the number of mops you've used in your life. Tia finally gets it.

And proves she should be the next winner of the

AVN Crossover Star of the Year award.

Naturally, Debbie Gibson suggests they should all star in the video as it will help it go viral. Debbie is the Lou Ferrigno of the women's team. The women are now working on their individual scripts for talking about their number of "mop" partners and Dayana reads hers out loud. It has some strong overtones of suggesting that the thing in discussion is a sex toy, rather than a mop. I don't think it is terrible, after all, the idea of implying sex was Lisa's, but Lisa will tell you later that she hated it.

But for right now, they all pretend Dayana is the bomb.

At team Unanimous, Lou tells the men that he likes the idea of superhero because the mop is considered as the hero. Penn feels it is necessary to explain to Lou that the term hero simply means that the mop should be the featured item in the video. I don't think Lou misunderstood, I think the word simply inspired a concept for him. Dee tries to soften the blow by agreeing with what Penn said but then promoting Lou's idea that the mop could save the day.

Lou wants to do a 1950′s thing, which Penn says is hackneyed and cliche. I'm surprised at his directness, Penn usually softens his criticisms. I wonder if this has been cut to appear harsher than it really is. With each proposal of an idea from Lou, Penn counters with a question or argument. From the way the show is cut (and I certainly don't trust what we see is how things really went down after last week's show), it seems that Penn is adamantly opposed to this idea. It could be a fun idea, and most of the men are getting behind it but Penn seems to be a paralyzing dissenting voice.

I'm not the only one frustrated with Penn's attitude.

The Cojones Of The Day award goes to Clay when he finally speaks up and says he's hearing a lot of negatives that seem to be setting Lou up to fail. He's tired of hearing negatives without alternate suggestions to work from. You go Clay!

Won't someone defend poor little old me?

Super Clay to the rescue!

A+ to Clay Aiken for calling Penn out on the carpet. He tells Penn he's being condescending and not helping to further any ideas along. Penn admits he has no ideas, so Clay points out that maybe it would be better to work with the idea they have and improve upon it, rather than stalling them. Penn apologizes and says he thought he was helping, but in this case, I think Clay was right. Lou calls Penn a raging bull in a china closet. Not quite right, but we all get the idea. Then he likens Penn to a devil! That's going a bit far.

Perhaps everyone is PMSing this week, since it

seems both teams are gunning for someone.

Paul interrupts the confrontation to complain they don't even have a theme yet. He proposes, "I'll mop the floor with you", which is a great idea if they are going with a '50′s theme. The men embrace the slogan and run with it (with the exception of Penn who seems to be fighting a predisposition to mope, rather than mop).

At Forte, Debbie is throwing around ideas and proposes they get t-shirts made with their logo. Since the world revolves around Debbie, she wants to be in charge of the graphic design, but apparently Patricia owns the patent on that job. Debbie wants to get her hands on Patricia. I mean Patricia's job.

That's not really the stick you want to chew up, is it Debbie?

The men are rolling along – they have their cast, they're setting up the shots and Dee is planning the direction. Penn continues to slink around and sarcastically tells Lou he's happier than he's ever been in his life. Dee has to clarify Penn means the opposite. These men are quickly becoming a girl team, as Clay and Arsenio are walking the streets of NYC and hashing out what Penn is thinking and how he feels.

Is Clay wearing a woman's coat?

What I love is that as Arsenio is trying to explain to Clay why it is that Penn is so upset, he does this:

I wonder if this reminds Clay of his Kelly Ripa debacle.

In the Forte studio, Aubrey asks Tia if maybe she should help direct and storyboard. Tia is offended and informs Aubrey that she has directed music videos before. I think Aubrey's point was that there weren't any shots planned. She would have been better off offering storyboard services alone, rather than using the hot button word director.

Tia bitches that Aubrey and Lisa pout if they aren't in the power roles. Aubrey tries another way to suggest Tia consider her shots and Tia informs Aubrey there won't be any angles other than straight on.

Oh My God, this video is going to suck.

Aubrey tells us either Tia has too much jealousy and anger built up to listen to her, or Tia is an idiot. She's assuming Tia is angry. Aubrey finally goes to Lisa and asks Lisa to suggest to Tia that they consider different angles while shooting the monologues and Tia says it's a great idea.

Bitter jealousy it is.

At Unanimous, they are shooting the video and Lou is having a lot of trouble with the dialogue. He's also having a hard time pronouncing the word dirt because of his hearing impairment. Clay works with him and Lou is awesome about working it out and practicing to get the word right. Any other star would have thrown a hissy fit about being made to look less than perfect. And after practicing with Clay, he nails it!

I heart Lou Ferrigno.

The women are shooting their video too and it's looking cute. But there is a problem.

Dayana tries to approach Debbie about the problem, but they are already shooting and committed to a concept. She tells us she's never liked the idea as it is confusing and has nothing to do with the product. At this point, Debbie realizes this is a major flaw and sets out on a campaign to distance herself from the whole thing. She approaches Aubrey and asks how she feels about the concept.

Aubrey is non-commital, sensing a political shift, but she does point out that there must be a problem with the director if, for the first time, she and her arch nemesis Debbie Gibson are in agreement.

BFF's – Best Frenemies Forever.

Tia thanks her team and tells them that they are all working together very well on this task.

I am the queen and you all watch me shine. A perfect team effort!

The men are continuing to shoot their (hopefully) viral video and Lou is having a grand old time dancing with his mop.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back, so shake it off. Whoa-oh!

As the men are enjoying their production, Vamperic arrives to check on them. He asks how the men are feeling, since he knows it was rough for them last night. LAST NIGHT??? What the hell, is this thing shot over two weeks with no break between tasks? Considering the stress and hectic pace of the challenges, that would be a brutal schedule for the celebrities. Does anyone know?

Or maybe it's just been a week since VampEric rose from his coffin.

Dorkus Amongus goes to visit the women, who pretty much appear to be doing nothing while Tia reviews the shots. He thinks they may have a chance of winning if they can execute their racy concept.

Sometimes DJ can be hot. Today is not one of those days.

[ldyjocelyn]

Part 3

Lisa makes the fatal error of assuring Dorkus Amongus that she can't see this failing.

Not a day for Lisa's hotness either.

Aubrey and Debbie are working together for the opening presentation of their video.

They seem to be getting closer.

Dayana is wondering how all the teammates will be utilized. She offers to introduce the presenters at the beginning, but her limited vocabulary has her saying she can present in the beginning. I think her point was that no one is participating besides Aubrey and Debbie and she was suggesting a way that she could at least do more for the team. I am pretty sure it wasn't about ego to have face time. After all, when they did the Medieval Times performance, she wasn't happy to just ride around on a horse and look pretty. She was very interested in making sure they met the demands of the challenge. I think that is all she's trying to do here.

It's just that Lisa can't stand anyone trying to hone in on the turf she and Aubrey have carved out (that they now allow Debbie Gibson to share). I mean, why does it always have to be the same few people featured in every challenge? Why not mix it up a bit and give others a chance to participate. Lisa goes passive aggressive ape shit, bitching about egos, but she doesn't say it to Dayana's face. I think this is her first very uncool move.

And so, she shall get this picture posted for all time.

This is Lisa Lampanelli.

Guess which one is the hater.

Things aren't so great in the Unanimous world either as Penn and Clay are having a talk. Apparently, Penn hates the word condescending, which explains why he's been brooding all day. He explains to Clay that because he has always been a huge guy, people would assume he was a stupid kid who had been held back, thus he was always treated with condescension. I can see why that would bug the hell out of him and why it would hurt his feelings terribly to be accused of such a crime.

But I do think he was hindering the process this time.

Penn thinks Clay doesn't like him and Clay comes on to tell us that although he never wants to dislike anyone, he's having a tough time with Penn. He points out that Penn sat there and acted superior during the whole idea tossing. Penn seems really bothered by this thought and admits he feels like it is a set-up so that the next time Penn's name comes up in the board room, there will be a crack in his perfect veneer. I agree with Clay that our favorite magician is being melodramatic. I think essentially this boils down to Penn's feelings got hurt and he's sulking.

At Forte, Lisa tries to get Dayana out of her hair by assigning her a task to get flowers for the presentation. Tia decides she wants peonies, which Dayana can't say or spell, having never heard of them before. The bit turns into a penis joke as Tia thinks that's what Dayana said.It's unfair that this makes her look useless. If anyone is being set up for a fall, it's the prettiest girl in the universe.

PRESENTATION TIME!

Lou represents the team and simply says the video speaks for itself.

The video begins and the O'Cedar execs seem to like it. There is a moment of disappointment when the product mentions using eco-friendly cleaning solutions, which may deter the more environmentally aggressive customers on the market, but all in all, I'd say they did a good job.

The execs laugh at the great tag line.

VampEric is wondering who's wearing the AB+ perfume.

The women go next and Tia is the welcoming committee. I'm not sure what Lisa was getting so pissy about, since Tia is now doing exactly what Dayana suggested needed to be done. I think the data is in and it can be confirmed: Lisa is a bitch.

Tia introduces the execs to two of the product's consumers (Aubrey & Debbie), who come on to talk about what they want in a mop. Then Aubrey mentions to Debbie that she just remembered this viral video all her friends have watched that makes a mop look hot.

Saying a video is viral, doesn't make it so, ladies.

The video shows the girls all talking about their number, but it is never tied in to the product. After their campy bit about how many "mops" they've had, the video then cuts to a demo of the product that doesn't involve the girls at all. Frankly this video kind of sucks.

Although Lisa previously claimed dancing with a mop was over done, I would say the men's video did a much better job of promoting the product than their bit with pretty girls reciting numbers with a mop informercial tagged on at the end. Not one of the women even touched a mop in the video.

Is this how they were hoping to make the mop look sexy?

So basically, the women had a pretty good idea but they never quite executed it fully. And who would the fault for that lay on? I'd say the writer. Who was the writer of this project as well as the Medieval Times task, which also didn't quite deliver? Lisa Lampanelli. Bitch you aren't all that.

Oops! I was wrong – the ladies do touch the product. At the very end.

And what's this? Why look who is in the video… fat Lisa. And where is Dayana – she didn't even make the cut. So let me get this straight… Lisa can't stand ego's who want to be in everything, and then, as the writer, she inserts herself in the final video shot of the product? Meanwhile, they have sidelined Dayana for both the video and the presentation. That is it! This week I am gunning for Lisa Bitchanelli.

Seriously, of Lisa and Dayana, which one would

you rather be staring at for the next ten weeks?

VampEric asks the execs what they thought of the women's presentation and they say that although they nailed it on entertainment, branding and star power, the product was not hero. For team Unanimous, they were curious about what the other men did, since Lou was front and center on the video, but they loved how much he used the product. But then again, the men's video wasn't necessarily a viral one.

Just cut to the chase, people. Will I be drinking

silicone-laced blood tonight or not?

In the boardroom, Trump starts out by asking Lou how he thinks his team did. Lou, of course, says his team gave 110%. Math is not his forte. Dee tells Sparky that Lou did a great job and when Sparks asks if Lou was disorganized, Dee tries to explain that people misunderstand Lou because he has a handicap.

Lou becomes incensed at the word, never mind Dee was about to pay him a compliment. A discussion ensues in which it is determined that it is acceptable to say disability, but not handicap. Why would it matter which word you use? Frankly, I think the word disability implies you can't do something, when in fact Lou has overcome the things he's supposed to be hindered from.

Clay tells Trump that Lou gave 120%, screw 110. He talks about how committed Lou was to the project and how he tore up the floor dancing with the mop. Lou interjects to inform us all that he's had both knees and hips replaced, which means he's even that much more awesome.

Trump warns the men that working out too much leads to wearing out the knees and hips. They should be more sedentary like him – he's never had anything replaced.

The only workout I do is playing horsey with my model wife.

Trump turns to Tia and asks how the women did. She says they did great and if she had to name a star on the team, it would be Lisa because of her fast and excellent writing. Wake up women, I think Lisa's writing is killing you!

Lisa has a hard time going for Tia's throat after being so well complimented, but she manages to overcome her ounce of consciousness and tells Trump Tia wasn't a very good manager.

Next we debate over whether it's Deborah Gibson or Debbie Gibson. Sounds like Debbie tried to be Deborah for awhile but it never took, so she accepted her fate to always be tied to the horrible pink perfume known as Electric Youth and a name associated with whimsical songs of 'tween dreams. There is some talk that Debbie is high strung, but really that conversation should have been had when she should have lost the Buick car challenge.

Lisa tells Trump that the only three people with creativity on the team are her, Aubrey and Debbie and that no one else has an ounce of ideas. She also tells Sparky that Dayana is the least valuable member of the team. I wish Dayana would just give Lisa one swipe of her giant bear paw. That's probably all it would take.

Trump asks if there is a click among the three creatives and while the whole team is saying yes, Lisa and Aubrey protest.

We didn't even like this bitch last week!

Women.

After finding out that Tia's idea (which was a better utilization of the mop) was shot down, Trump asks about what concept they did go with. They try to explain the What's Your Number theme.

That was your best idea?

[ldyjocelyn]

Part 4

Patricia points out that the concept did not support what the execs had asked them to do. Also she informs us that while someone might have the creative strength to be an amazing writer, that person may not be able to fully execute those great ideas. Thank you! My prediction is that the Venezuelans are very capable, but sadly will be undervalued and sent home much sooner than they deserve.

Teresa explains the What is Your Number idea implies how many sexual partners you've had. Dorkus Amongus starts to grill his dad that we all want to know how many girlfriends he has had. Sparky wisely remains silent until the moment has passed, but in the background, Clay is trying his damndest to suppress a demonic giggle.

He's such a quick and funny thinker, I sure as hell

wish I knew what just went through his mind.

Trump asks Penn about the men's concept and he explains that Lou dances with the mop like a crazy monkey.

They used dancing. Why did I listen to Lisa???

The men hash out who should be fired and Lou outs Penn's pouty behavior this week. Clay tells Sparky Penn doesn't like not being in charge.

Did a Hyndai Sonata just drive by?

Clay explains that Penn disengages when he's not in charge of the ideas and although Claiken tries very hard to come up with another word to spare Penn's feelings, he has to use the term condescending.

Clay then admits to Trump this is harder than American Idol. Trump blows smoke up Clay's ass. He's also puffed up Lou and Paul so far as well. Arsenio is trying to tell Sparky how much respect he has for Clay for calling Penn out on the carpet and trying to work it out. Sparky interrupts to tell Arsenio how much he loved his show. Two things are clear: Trump doesn't care what the men have to say and he's very pleased with them, which means, they most likely won.

A mini Arsenio love fest ensues when everyone on both teams agree that Arsenio was really great on his tv show. VampEric pretends to also agree.

I wonder what Arsenio would taste like…

The Trump spawn review the O'Cedar execs thoughts about the two presentations. Trump pulls one of those stupid moves where he tells the winner how badly he feels for the guy because he's not sure how they will spend the fifty thousand, but then he admits the men won the challenge.

The women are saddened but you can see they are also happy for Lou and his charity (the Muscular Dystrophy Association). Tia loses with dignity and congratulates Lou on his victory as he's leaving the boardroom.

Sparky starts by asking Dayana if she's surprised the women lost. She admits she isn't and that she never liked the concept, but that she did support the team vision and that everyone liked her writing sample. Lisa jumps in and says they actually didn't like it, they were just humoring her because it was too dirty.

Lisa is a bitch, have I mentioned that? It was her idea to imply sex and Dayana was doing what she thought the vision was. I'm sure if Lisa had ever intended to use Dayana she could have asked her to tone down the entendre, but Lisa hates the pretty girl, so she just ignored Dayana's efforts. I'd like to see Lisa try to write double entendres in a second language and have it fit the tone of the vision on the first try.

There's a lot of toxicity stored up in those fat cells.

The men watching shush each other because Aubrey's about to speak. Arsenio asks what will she say and Dee answers, "Something about herself." I love that everyone rags on Aubrey. But I think she could become a serious threat if her youthful energy doesn't burn out or if her mouth doesn't get her in trouble. Somehow the conversation turns to Aubrey wishing she could be part of the Trump family and when Tia points out that Donald is already married, Aubrey points to VampEric and says "Me and you, kid."

Blah, blah, blah Donald keeps asking boring questions and it appears that Patricia is gunning for Teresa. Aubrey and Lisa are gunning for the hot girl. Teresa decides to gun for Patricia, since Patricia pointed a finger at her.

It starts to become a chaotic, catty mess. Aubrey gets ugly and says she's sorry for Tia that at fifty something she has let a twenty seven year old get under her skin.

Oh, no she didn't!

Hey, I'm just the mentor. I can't be responsible

for the words coming out of her mouth.

Since Tia is in her forties, this insult seems calculated and vicious. Aubrey continues to go off and Trump mentions that she has quite a mouthpiece on her. As the men point out, she is such a self righteous little brat, it's no wonder Diddy fired her.

Trump finally asks Tia who she will bring back with her to the boardroom. After some deliberation, Tia asks Sparky if anyone else will be fired if she accepts full responsibility as the business manager. When he says no, she tells him that she won't be asking anyone to join her in the boardroom. And with that, Trump fires Tia Carerra.

Shit, she just made herself a martyr. Now I'm going to look bad.

And I have to sleep with VampEric.

The men are blown away and are pretty sure that if Tia had called others back she wouldn't have been fired. Clay calls it right when he thinks she just didn't want to get chewed up anymore.

As Tia is leaving, she tells the three witches she's glad she doesn't have to go up against them anymore and that they are a powerful trifecta. She warns them to be careful, which is excellent advice. Because once the witches don't have anyone else to cast aspersions at, they will implode.

Tia admits in the car that she didn't want to lower herself to becoming as cruel and ugly as things now seem to be getting in the game. She hopes no one says anything horrible that they will lose sleep over when all is said and done.

I think she means Lisa, but I'm guessing Aubrey might be regretting some lost sleep for a different reason someday soon!

Goodbye, gorgeous Tia!

Way to leave with your head held high.

[ldyjocelyn]

nbc.com

Clay's Take, Week 6

WEEK 6

• Posted By Clay
  
• March 25, 2012 11:00 PM
  

In this week's episode, it was the battle of the redheads. One of us a rather unnatural redhead and one of us a redhead trying desperately to hide it. Yes, this week Aubrey heads the women and I take the lead with the men's team. After running my mouth off at Penn last week, it was only appropriate that I took the helm of Unanimous this week.

After Mr. Trump informed us that our task was to throw a party to launch a specific flavor of Crystal Light Mocktails (pomegranate for the ladies; peach for the men), we are treated to a showcase of why, as contestants, we can never trust the producers!! ;-) During interviews/confessionals for this episode, one of the producers interviewing me tried hard to get me to talk about why Aubrey was better suited to throw a party than I am. Granted, she is. Aubrey loves parties and throws them and attends them often. But that wasn't quite what I said in the interview. Even though I was pretty confident that my colorful choice of words would prevent the producers from using that footage, somehow they did anyway.

When we split into teams, it was obvious from the start that Aubrey and the women had the upper hand on this task. Teresa, Aubrey, Debbie et al are lively ladies with lots of experience throwing parties, and they immediately jumped into coming up with themes and ideas for their event. Meanwhile, over on Unanimous, the men were struggling. Despite the names on our team, we really aren't partiers, so when it came time for brainstorming we were lost. The edit of the show may have made it seem like our brainstorming session was quick and to the point, but the fact was that for almost 45 minutes we were completely silent around that table.

I finally honed in on a beach theme. My extended family sells peaches every summer at a roadside stand on a small road that tourists travel on their way to the North Carolina beach. So peaches and beaches are sort of connected to me. Doing something laid back and vibrant was gonna be far easier to pull off than trying to be classy (which I don't think I have ever been in my life).

The women went high concept. They decided to portray the pomegranate as the "forbidden fruit" which is now accessible because Crystal Light makes it only five calories. It was a clever idea and one that they pulled off quite well, if you ask me.

When it came time to decorate and design the space for the party, Teresa was a huge asset to Forte. As she explained to the cameras, she has exquisite taste and was invaluable in helping to choose decor and really make the place sparkle. Aubrey decided to make the "Garden of Eden"/"Garden of Crystal deLight" theme run through the decor and used high concept photos of flowers and plant life to convey that. Patricia was in charge of printing those photos and making sure that the Crystal Light logos were in as many places as possible. The Forte room looked INCREDIBLE. Seriously. If you had seen what these rooms started out as (bare and dirty walls, stained concrete floors) you would have been amazed at how great those women made their room look.

In fact, if you want to see what the room started out looking like, checking out what Unanimous' room looked like would be a great place to start. Having no decorating sense of my own (despite my mother being an interior designer), I decided that beach theme meant bare minimum! To cover the dingy walls, we simply put up curtains and shined colored lights on them to give the effect of a sunset. To cover the floors, we just threw down what seemed like a dump truck full of sand. Lou had a clever idea to build a fake "boardwalk" leading up from the front door to the main floor. As far as furniture goes... well... that was a big concern. We had been provided with a budget for furniture and decorations from New York Lounge Decor, a party supply company in New York. I immediately felt that we would have no problem staying within our budget there because we wanted so few items. However, when the representative showed up to go through the catalog with us, everything that they were able to provide looked like it belonged in high class/high end restaurants and nightclubs. They had almost NOTHING that would fit with a beach theme. It was clear immediately that the ladies would be going with a party more like a wedding reception, and I was concerned that we were on the wrong track. But we forged ahead anyway. The decor providers were able to offer two small tiki bars, which Paul and Lou modified to fit our needs. Penn and Arsenio scoured the city for beach chairs and beachwear despite it being the middle of winter in NYC. Dee worked on signage for our space, and I tried to supervise and help in as many areas as possible, all while never taking off my coat because it was cold as hell in that room. (I'm thin-skinned... gimme a break!)

On the day of the party, set up continues right up until the last minute for each team. When the doors open on Unanimous, a flood of people walk in. Of course, when you watch the episode on TV, it seems like there is a stressful moment for us when no one is showing up. But, in real "reality" we had a line of 30-some people outside waiting to get in. (You know those TV folks have to make it dramatic!)

The executives visit both parties and are really tasked with the challenge of comparing apples to oranges... or maybe I should say pomegranates to peaches... because both parties were SOOO different. The women had a very classy affair, while us guys had limbo games and hula shirts and women in bikinis.

In the end, the Crystal Light executives believed that Unanimous had done a better job of capturing the "fun" and "lively" "party-in-a-pack" type atmosphere that they were looking for, and therefore we were safe for another week. And I was able to send $50,000 back to my charity, National Inclusion Project, an organization that helps include kids with disabilities into activities with their non-disabled peers. The organization's goal for the past eight years has been to prevent kids with disabilities from being left on the sidelines. Please check out the website at www.inclusionproject.org

The women of Forte were really shocked. Remember, most weeks we are only able to judge our own teams chances based on how well we feel we did on our own task. Only rarely are we actually able to see what the other team did. So, knowing that they had thrown an incredible party and likely believing that we had attempted to throw a high-class affair similar to theirs, the women were confident that their party was superior to anything we might have been able to cobble together. I'm sure that once they saw this episode they understood what made ours stand out! ;-)

Aubrey, through tears big enough to drown a moose, chose Dayana and Patricia to come back to the Boardroom with her to risk firing. The fact that she held much greater disdain for Dayana than Patricia was not enough for Mr. Trump. Mr. Trump believed that a major flaw in the Forte party was the lack of Crystal Light signage. That was deemed to be the responsibility of Patricia, and she was fired.

Patricia was one of the classiest women on Team Forte. Her organization Wayuu Taya Foundation is very important to her... please check them out as well, at www.wayuutaya.org

Next week is a SUPERSIZED version of the show... starting at 8PM/7 central (instead of 9)... it's a longer episode, but I PROMISE you it is the best of the season thus far. If you want drama... next week is for you!!! The men's team LITERALLY blows it... and Mr. Trump finally mixes the teams. Sending EVERYTHING into turmoil. DON'T MISS IT.

[ldyjocelyn]

ew.com

The Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Crystal Blight

EPISODE 06 | AIRED MAR 25, 2012

'The Celebrity Apprentice' recap: Crystal Blight

Dee Snider will not be spiking any punch bowls as the teams try to throw the best beverage-themed party

By Dalton Ross | Published Mar 26, 2012

Forget about Arsenio wearing a Trump tie and then inadvertently dissing it by saying "I just ran out of ties." Pay no mind to the fact that Donald Jr. appeared to be using three less bottles of hair gel this week. Ignore those Claymates hanging out in the corner. Because the most shocking thing to come out of last night'sCelebrity Apprentice episode was the following revelation: Dee Snider has never been drunk or done drugs. That can't be right. Are you telling me the lead singer of Twisted Sister was completely sober when he decided to dress up for decades on end as a heavy metal transvestite? Am I to believe that he was being completely truthful when he bragged on "One Bad Habit" that his only vice was that "I like to rock and roll"? (Incidentally, that may be the best song of all time for the following lyrics alone: "I'm not mean, I'm not rude/But just don't make me lose patience, dude/I don't curse, well, just a bit/Somehow 'Gee Whiz' and 'Golly' don't make it.") And are we absolutely sure he hadn't downed a few brews when he showed up on last year's Celebrity Apprentice yelling out "7UP Retro — keepin' it reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaal?" I know I did while watching it!

I'll admit it, I thought illegal substances may have been in play when Dee managed to break his finger while preparing for a Medieval Times performance, but apparently the only thing Dee Snider is high on is life in Trump Tower! Well, that and any pain medications he is currently on for his broken finger. However, the only potentially harmful drug we're here to talk about today, ladies and gentlemen, is aspartame. Because this week's Celebrity Apprentice forced the teams to shill for none other than everybody's favorite low-calorie powdered beverage mix, Crystal Light.

The teams were tasked with throwing launch parties for non-alcoholic versions of two new Crystal Light beverages. At least I think they were. Honestly, I kind of lost interest after the words "non-alcoholic." But the task itself was a heavyweight battle of the highest order, pitting perhaps the show's two most competent contestants — Clay Aiken and Aubrey O'Day — against each other as Project Managers. It was sure to be a task filled with drama, intrigue, and shirtless mean playing limbo. Here are the highlights.

1. Clay Aiken: Beach Bum

Clay Aiken was my episode 1 pick to win it all, but this is the first time we got to see him in action as Project Manager. I have to say, I liked what I saw, and I'm not just referring to that crazy fur-lined overcoat Clay was rocking. (Yes, that just may be the first time Clay's name and the word "rocking" have appeared in the same sentence.) The men's peach-turned-beach theme was fantastic, if for no other reason than it forced the attendees into various half-naked states of undress. It also provided us the unmitigated joy of watching Lou Ferrigno and that dude with the handlebar mustache trying to figure out how to open mini cocktail umbrellas.

Clay pulled out all the stops — Sand! Tiki bars! Juggling! — and even got Kathie Lee and Hoda to show up (although they no doubt bolted out of there as fast as possible once they realized the beverages contained no alcohol). The Project Manager saved his best for last, belting out a little "Under the Boardwalk." But Clay didn't sing it alone. All his teammates joined in. As did all the partygoers. In fact, the only person who didn't sing along was Melanie the frighteningly tall Crystal Light executive, who seemed to be completely clueless as to the lyrics. How can you not know the lyrics to "Under the Boardwalk"? In her defense, she was probably too busy daydreaming up more absurd marketing slogans like "Our brand personality is sassy!" and "It is literally a party in a pack!"

Still, as splendid a job as Clay did, his finest moment of the entire episode was at the very top while discussing his disadvantage in the task: "Aubrey is a clubber. Just look at that hair. Aubrey popped right out of her momma's chotch and started grabbing on to the stripper pole." I think, after hearing that quote, I just officially became a Claymate. Is there some sort of initiation ceremony I need to take part in to seal the deal? Like dying my hair orange, walking around in an "Achin' for Aiken" t-shirt, or knocking out one of Ruben Studdard's tail lights? Whatever it is, count me in.

2. Teresa Actually Does Something!

The episode began with Teresa being upset that Patricia called her "slow" in the Boardroom. She responded to this slight by informing us that she was actually the opposite of slow, only she couldn't figure out what the opposite of slow was (fast?), so after stumbling on her words a bit, she simply gave up and called herself "the opposite of slow." Brilliant. Teresa has been this season's La Toya Jackson, a woman that does absolutely nothing yet is continually praised by Donald Trump for no reason whatsoever.

However, this week was Teresa's time to shine! "I love throwing parties," she informed us, immediately calling to mind the horrifying birthday bash she threw one of her daughters on TV. "I have parties all the time. Everyone knows that about me." Teresa was tasked with helping style the party space. "I have been told by my friends I have exquisite taste," she said. Hmmm, I've seen the inside of your house on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa, and I'm not exactly sure "exquisite" is the word I would use. Then again, if my wife left the interior decorating to me it would be all Bib Fortuna posters and inflatable Milwaukee's Best cans so what the hell do I know?

As far as I could tell, Teresa's big job basically boiled down to getting a carpet. Yes, it almost didn't make it there in time, and yes, it was only a carpet, but hey, it's a start. Teresa also made some things that I believe were supposed to be Crystal Light popsicles but ended up looking more like Jello shots in Dixie cups. Very exquisite. By no means did Teresa set the world on fire. Nor could she properly be described as "the opposite of slow." But at least she appeared to contribute for the first time all season. I'm still not sure how her last name is supposed to be pronounced though.

3. Debbie Rocks the Mic…Again

If this season of Celebrity Apprentice has taught us anything, it is this: DEBBIE GIBSON IS GOING TO SING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! It doesn't matter if you are Wyclef Jean, Buick car executives, or Crystal Light partygoers — Ms. Electric Youth is going to turn you into a captive audience. Emphasis on the word captive. Resistance is futile! Only in my dreams does this woman ever shut up and stop singing "Only in My Dreams."

This week Debbie was charged with writing and recording a Crystal Light jingle that would be performed at the party and handed out as favors. Of course, no Celebrity Apprentice jingle writing will ever come close to matching the season 2 gem when poker player Annie Duke bested country music superstar Clint Black in a Chicken of the Sea songwriting contest. (It was during said task when Joan Rivers made her infamous "cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck…splash!" suggestion.) And while I appreciated Deborah's attempt to rhyme "pomtini" with "dreamy," I wasn't exactly sold on her chorus of "You know you want it/Now you should have it/Guilty pleasure/Crystal Light." Contrary to Aubrey's claims that the song was so infectious that everyone would remember it after one listen, I had zero problem forgetting that tune almost as soon as I heard it. Hell, Debbie Gibson couldn't even remember the words in the Boardroom and she sang the damn thing!

Still, it is nothing short of amazing to see professional musicians so absolutely thrilled at the prospect of selling out and literally singing the praises of a powdered beverage. And a wonderful side effect of Debbie Gibson trying to rekindle past glory is that it inevitably leads to jealous and catty comments form the team's other resident chanteuse, Ms. O'Day. Aubrey told us she gave Debbie the jingle task "So now I don't have to hear any of her hits anymore," and later offered this backhanded compliment: "If anyone can sing an annoying hook and make everybody drill it into their heads and leave home singing it and being annoyed that they're singing it, it's Debbie Gibson." Aubrey O'Day, where have you been my entire Celebrity Apprentice-viewing life.

4. The Chief Chocolate Officer Dispenses Some Horrible Boardroom Advice

The fact that each Boardroom this season is preceded by business advice from a chocolate candy wearing glasses borders on absolute lunacy. Which is precisely why I love it. On any other program the M&M's Chief Chocolate Officer would be a crass product placement ploy that cheapened the entire show around it. On Celebrity Apprentice, however, it actually classes the joint up a bit. In fact, I won't truly be satisfied unless the COO makes an appearance at the finale so Trump can ask her advice on whom he should declare the winner. (He already asks half of the people in the theater as it is, so at that point why not ask a delicious piece of melt-in-your-mouth candy?)

But I have to say, I was a bit mortified to hear Ms. Brown's advice this week to "stick to the non-alcoholic punch bowl and avoid becoming known for something other than your resume." Who do you think you are, Dee Snider? What's the point of going to an office party if you can't score some free booze and wear a lampshade on your head? (Question: Are lampshades on the head ever not hilarious?) And here's a newsflash: When your resume includes the item "Watches and recaps Celebrity Apprentice for a living," maybe being known for your resume is not such a great thing after all. Pass the punch, dammit.

5. Donald Trump Pretends to be a Twisted Sister fan

I love the way Trump loves everything and everyone when in the Boardroom, even if he has no idea who or what he is talking about. The latest incredible example of this occurred when Trump attempted to chat Clay Aiken up on the intricacies of the Twister Sister catalog. "They were very big," he commented on Dee Snider's band. "And they were great too." I will bet you 300,000 Peach Bellinis that Donald Trump has never heard a Twisted Sister song in his entire life. Doesn't matter! They're great! Call me crazy, but for some reason I can't picture Trump sitting through two hours of Adam Curry and his absurd fringe leather jacket on Headbanger's Ball just to catch a glimpse of "I Wanna Rock." Maybe that's just me.

6. Aubrey O'Day Continues to Hit on Every Single Member of the Trump Family

Last week Aubrey told Trump that she wanted to marry into his family and planned to do so via his son Eric. Eric responded the way any rational thinking man would — he ran for the freaking hills as fast as he could. With Eric in hiding, (and Ivanka returning this week as a result), Aubrey set her sights on another target: Don Jr. When he showed up for a progress report on the task, Aubrey made sure the slick and slicked back wonder sat right next to her. "I also have a very big crush on him so I don't want to disappoint him," she announced.

And when Aubrey is not busy hitting on members of the Trump family, members of the Trump family are busy hitting on her. "Hello, Aubrey," were The Donald's very first words when he entered the Boardroom. Later, out of nowhere, Trump inquired as to her dating status. When informed that she did not currently have a boyfriend, Donald responded with "You will after this show." Is that a prediction or a threat?

But the boss' affection was never more clear than when he awarded Aubrey $10,000 for her charity…even after they lost the task! I don't remember Patricia, Lisa, or Tia getting any checks when they lost their challenges, so why Aubrey? Just because she cried a little? If Trump passed out 10k every time someone on this show cried, every single contestant would be a billionaire. No doubt about it, Trump is sweet on her. No way he was going to fire his little redheaded firecracker. Nor should he, because while Lou Ferrigno may brag incessantly about giving 110%, Aubrey saw that this week and raised The Incredible Hulk another 40%! That's right, Aubrey claimed in the Boardroom this week that she gave a whopping 150%! Take that, Ferrigno! However, I was a bit dismayed when she later boasted about putting "110% into every task." Does that mean she was holding 40% back until this week? That's simply not professional in my book. 110% is not going to cut it on this show. In fact, if someone does not reach 200% by the end of the season I will be sorely disappointed.

Of course, Trump wasn't going to fire Aubrey. Nor was he going to fire the winner of his own Miss Universe pageant, Dayana. She's simply too good looking for him to get rid of this early in the competition. That mean Patricia — whose main crime was being too levelheaded and classy — had to go, and go she did, finally putting an end to biggest Venezuelan power pairing since Wilmer Valderrama hit on a South American cocktail waitress.

If Clay and Aubrey are indeed the two most qualified contestants, than give this round to Mr. Aiken. But Aubrey showed she will not go down without a fight — or at the very least luring one of the Trumps into the sack. Whom will she hit on next week — Ivanka? Stay tuned to find out. In the meantime, hit the message boards to let us know your favorite moments from this week's episode, and for more reality ramblings, follow me on Twitter @DaltonRoss. Until next week: Cluck, Cluck…Splash!

[ldyjocelyn]

www.waay.tv

Aiken Wears Hoodie to Honor Teen

Singer Clay Aiken is wearing hooded sweatshirts in TV interviews as a tribute to slain teenager Trayvon Martin.

The former American Idol star was stunned to hear of the African-American student's February shooting death at the hands of a Florida neighborhood watch volunteer, and like many celebrities, he's taking action.

Appearing on shows in America on Monday promoting reality TV show Celebrity Apprentice, Aiken explained the hoodie look was "in memory of Trayvon Martin," and added, "We're hoping for justice in that case. That's a story that has angered a lot of Americans... This could have been anybody's child."

Until the end of last week, the volunteer, George Zimmerman, had not been arrested for killing Martin, who was reportedly unarmed.

Aiken says, "It's pretty infuriating that someone can shoot somebody and not be arrested for it."

[ldyjocelyn]

cinemablend.com

Celebrity Apprentice Power Rankings: Clay Aiken Finally Proves Himself

Celebrity Apprentice Power Rankings: Clay Aiken Finally Proves Himself

Author:

Jessica Grabert and Mack Rawdenpublished: 2012-03-26 18:36:13

Even though this week's challenge was light, well, about Crystal Light, the task was also pretty heavy for the Celebrity Apprentice contestants for a number of reasons. First, very few contestants had not given project manager a run for its money, and any of the remaining contestants should have frankly been clamoring for a spot. Secondly, while the men and women were on equal footing going into this challenge contestant wise (due to Trump firing two a couple of weeks ago), the women had lost one more challenge than the men. They desperately needed a win, and Aubrey O'Day felt she could pull one out of a hat.

Turns out, she was not counting on Clay Aiken as a fellow project manager rival. When both teams were told the challenge would revolve around creating a party to celebrate the launch of two brand new Crystal Light flavors, it seemed as if the women had it in the bag. Teresa pulled out some decorating skills, Patricia nabbed signage, Lampanelli micromanaged, Dayana called fellow pageant winners to attend, and Debbie wrote an original Crystal Light composition. The men, on the other hand, had no experience putting together parties and had a team nearly full of males who do not imbibe.

What the men were experienced in was knowing how to entertain. When the Crystal Light executives showed up to the men's party, Penn was busy juggling peaches (the flavor of the evening) and the men jumped into a rousing chorus of "Under the Boardwalk" by the Drifters as part of their beach party theme. The women were polished and organized with their pink pomegranate party, but the men had spontaneous fun and that spontaneity bought them another win this week.

Despite the women losing yet again due to creative concept, there was no way Aubrey O'Day was going home. Come hell or highwater, she would angle for her continuance on the show. Watching her whine and coo and cry and fight and complain was sort of like watching a really bad improv class, but it worked, I guess, because Aubrey not only did not head home, she also convinced Trump to give her charity $10,000. In the end, it was the calmer, more-interested-in-fair-play Patricia that got the boot, due to her signs focusing the Pomtini drink and not the Crystal Light brand. Good thing for the women the teams will be shuffled together next week.

The Celebrity Apprentice Power Rankings are an ordered compilation of weekly lists put together by TV Blend writers Jessica Grabert and Mack Rawden. Each week after viewing the episode, they each rank the competitors in order. Seventeen points are given for a first place vote, and this week, seven were given for a last place vote. Seven competitors have already been eliminated; therefore, those people automatically occupy the bottom slots. Here is how this week's voting panned out, complete with analysis on how the celebrities might fare moving forward.

The Favorites

#1) Debbie Gibson (33): Debbie was asked to play to her strengths this week. Besides bringing people to the women's party, she wrote and later recorded an original jingle about Crystal Light. The women even handed out the jingle on CDs as party favors. There has not been a challenge so far where Debbie has not been an integral and hardworking faction of the women's team. If she can keep up the work effort and maintain her composure, she has a good chance of taking home the prize.

#1) Penn Jillette (33): Last week, Penn and Clay Aiken went at it quite a bit. The former American Idol star called the magician condescending, and much awkwardness abounded. Given Clay's position as project manager during the party task, the relationship could have easily gone further south. Luckily, it did not. Penn put his head down and worked hard prior to the challenge and juggled with peaches and sang back-up during the event. Three weeks ago, I probably would have been willing to bet money Penn would wind up in the finale. Now, I'm confident enough to say he's one of several capable of getting there.

#3) Clay Aiken (29): Clay rocked out as project manager this week. He could easily take this whole thing if he plays his cards right (read: does not pick three people he felt did a poor job in the board room). The relative lowness of his score compared to the higher slots stems more from this power ranking's high votes for a couple of other contestants this week and less due to his actual performance. If he keeps up the hard, calculated work, next week, he could well see himself on top.

#3) Aubrey O'Day (29): Aubrey is a spectacular person to stick on a reality TV show. She is vicious, outspoken, and extremely polarizing. Despite losing this week, it was clear the women did a fairly good job, which is why Aubrey made it out with her head held very high. Dayana did get one shot in, however, pointing out Aubrey is often responsible for the creative component of challenges the women have been losing. Aubrey is a survivor, and she just needs to keep her chin up to continue powering through the challenges.

The Contenders

#5) Dee Snider (26): The Twisted Sister frontman had his first real hiccup this week, creating signs that were a few inches too small. The executives from Crystal Light had some serious problems with the height as well, but luckily, Patricia and the women had a whole lot more problems with their signs. I still feel good about Dee's capabilities as a leader, but if he lets Arsenio be project manager next week, he'll likely drop even further. At some point, you need to step up an lead, or at least let people know you're ready to be top dog. Thus far, Dee's just been content to play a pretty big role in each task.

#6) Paul Teutul Sr. (22): For the life of me, I don't understand why Paul Sr. didn't help Dee with the signage. The work he did for Ivanka Trump during the window display challenge quite possibly could have been the best single contribution any player has made during any task. Regardless, Paul Sr. did make a cabinet and opened hundreds of those little umbrella things. The latter may not have been skilled labor, but someone had to do it.

#6) Lisa Lampanelli (22): Lisa is stuck smack dab in the middle of these power rankings because she is more polarizing than Aubrey and less of an idea machine. While Lisa is a hard worker and willing to put her ass on the line to complete a task, she really lacks the ability to rally her teammates and be a competent manager. If she sidelines her mean-spirited comments, she might stick it out for a while. She's a wild card, for sure.

#6) Arsenio Hall (22): Arsenio's biggest asset so far has been his willingness to bring the party. That might sound stupid, but surrounded by middle aged men, it's something his team sorely needs. Like Dee, he has to step up and lead to get more credit though. Apart from the clothing mishap with George, Hall hasn't really been in danger of winding up in the boardroom at any point, but he also hasn't won his team any challenges either.

The Dark Horses

#9) Dayana Mendoza (17): Dayana was stuck defending herself in the boardroom, again, despite pulling her weight this week. However, it was pulling her weight and not making any mistakes that kept the model in the game. Dayana's ability to slip through the cracks thus far, despite being one of the less idea-oriented and generally less hardworking women, is an impressive feat. Like last season's Hope Dworaczyk, Dayana keeps sliding through due to the mistakes of others. We'll have to wait and see if she keeps it up in the weeks to come.

#9) Lou Ferrigno (17): You know what the best part about Lou this week was? When Clay said he might bring him into the boardroom, he shut his mouth and let the scenario play out. There are only six men left. Three will wind up in the boardroom after the next loss. Somebody has to get called out, and considering Lou was mostly a worker bee this week, it should have been him had the Crystal Light executives gone the other way. There's a time to fight and a time to sit back and watch. This week's boardroom was better served with the latter.

#11) Teresa Giudice (14): Teresa needs to lead next week. She's the only woman who hasn't taken charge, and considering how mad she was about being called slow, it's time for her to prove her worthiness. Honestly, I have no idea what to expect. She just hasn't done a lot so far, either positively or negatively. She hasn't been responsible for any losses or wins. Let's hope next week she can finally either shit or get the hell out of the boardroom.

Here's a look at how the ballots shook out…

Jessica:

Debbie Gibson (17)

Penn Jillette (16)

Clay Aiken (15)

Aubrey O'Day (14)

Dee Snider (13)

Lisa Lampanelli (12)

Arsenio Hall (11)

Paul Teutul Sr. (10)

Dayana Mendoza (9)

Lou Ferrigno (8)

Teresa Giudice (7

)Mack:

Penn Jillete (17)

Debbie Gibson (16)

Aubrey O'Day (15)

Clay Aiken (14)

Dee Snider (13)

Paul Teutul Sr (12)

Arsenio Hall (11)

Lisa Lampanelli (10)

Lou Ferrigno (9)

Dayana Mendoza (8)

Teresa Giudice (7)

[ldyjocelyn]

theatermania.com

Interview: Clay Aiken Remains Steadfast on New CD

INTERVIEW: Clay Aiken Remains Steadfast On His New CD

The pop singer discusses his new album, working with Dee Snider, appearing on The Celebrity Apprentice, and returning to Broadway.

By Brian Scott Lipton • Mar 27, 2012 • New York

Clay Aiken was first introduced to most of the world when he appeared on FOX's American Idol in 2003, becoming that season's runner-up and, soon after, a top-selling recording artist. Since then, he's starred in the Broadway hit, Monty Python's Spamalot, has released numerous hit CDs, and is currently a contestant on NBC's reality series, The Celebrity Apprentice. In addition, Decca has just released his latest CD, Steadfast, and he will also be heard alongside Apprentice castmate

Dee Snider on his CD,Dee Does Broadway, due out on May 8. TheaterMania recently spoke to Aiken about his current projects, working with Linda Eder, and a possible return to Broadway.

THEATERMANIA. Almost all of the songs on Steadfast are pop classics from before you were born, like "Misty" and "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do." Why did you choose those songs?

CLAY AIKEN: Most of those songs were what my mom played in the car when I was a child and so they became ingrained in me. Some of them I had even sung on Idol. I am very comfortable with songs from the 1950s and1960s -- I think they are the best suited for me -- but we changed the way we did them. I am never going to sound like Johnny Mathis.

TM: One of my favorite cuts is Roy Orbison's "Crying" on which you duet with Linda Eder. How did you choose her as your singing partner?

CA: In choosing both the songs and the potential duet partners, my producers and I made our own lists. And while we mostly agreed on the songs, the only name on all three of our lists was Linda. One of the first songs I did in high school was "This Is the Moment" from Jekyll & Hyde, and because of that CD, I knew her voice really well. Now, I was not intimidated by covering Roy Orbison, but I was intimidated watching Linda in a recording studio. I'm pretty fast, but she sings something one time, and then decides to change two things, and just does it! And she's one of the most relaxed and approachable and funny people I've ever met.

TM: You're also duetting with Dee Snider on "Luck Be a Lady" on his new album. How did that collaboration come about?

CA: Dee and I didn't meet each other until we started working together on The Celebrity Apprentice and we were surprised by each other. I only knew him from his Twisted Sister persona, but he's a genuinely good guy, and we got along really well. Dee was in the process of putting the CD together while we were on the show -- he had already done his duet with

Patti LuPone -- and then he asked to do something with me. Even though I had heard his duet with Patti, I wasn't sure how I was going to fit in. All I can say is I'm very pleasantly surprised. It rocks! I think this CD is going to please his fans and please a Broadway audience.

TM: Speaking of Broadway, would you come back

CA: I would love to come back at some point, but it would have to be in a show where I really get a chance to sing! I had the greatest time on Broadway and made friends I never expected to make!

TM: Has the Celebrity Apprentice experience been what you imagined?

CA: I expected it to be grueling, exhausting, tiring -- and it was all those things. In fact, it was five times worse than Idol when it comes to mental stress and worry. You are constantly doing things you don't know how to do and the judges are comparing everyone on the same task. Idol wasn't like that. Plus, I don't like pointing out people's flaws or worrying about who you can trust - that wasn't part of Idol either. And there were cameras on us all the time, unlike Idol. In watching some of the episodes, I've been hearing myself say things I don't remember saying! I think the microphones even picked up our whispering. It's all been very Lord of the Flies.

TM: Why did you go on the show?

CA: I went on the show because a lot of people told me this was the best way to raise money and exposure for the National Inclusion Project,which I founded in 2003, and which makes sure all children get the chance to participate in life. The thing about being on Apprentice is even if you don't win any money, the exposure people get to your organization is really incredible. We have an organization that is supported by all sorts of people once they know what they do. But if they haven't heard of us, it's harder to get any funding - especially because what we do is hard to put into a soundbite.

TM: You say you're not a very competitive person, but you do want to win, right?

CA: I don't consider myself competitive, but I did decide that if I am going to do this show, I was going to make sure I did it well. That's one of the biggest lessons I learned from being on American Idol; even when you're in a situation that's about comparing apples and oranges, you always try to be the best apple you can be. So, for me, it's not about beating Tia Carrere, but doing what I set out to do to the best of my ability.

TM: What's next for you?Another CD?

CA: My plan is to go out on the road during the year to support theC D. I really love live performing! In fact, the more we can tour, the happier I'll be.

For more information aboutthe National Inclusion Project, visitwww.inclusionproject.org.

[ldyjocelyn]

rollingstone.com

Celebrity Apprentice: Let the Mocking Begin!

'Celebrity Apprentice' Recap: Let the Mocking Begin

Teams throw product launch for non-alcoholic beverages

Lou Ferrigno in 'Crystal Light Mocktail Party.'Douglas Gorenstein/NBC

By DAN HYMAN

March 26, 2012 10:55 AM ET

With a healthy number of players on both the men and women's teams having been fired, we now enter the part of the season we lovingly refer to as the "Everyone's Just Awesome!" phase. Essentially, both teams now feel as if the bad seeds have been rooted out and only the top players remain. It's all well and good. But the harsh reality is that every week Trump will still unleash his fiery wrath.

In last week's board room, women's project manager Tia Carrere was canned; much to the men's surprise, she put up a rather weak fight. But the in-team bickering among the females has clearly taken its toll. "The boardroom has divided our team," says Aubrey O'Day. "Half of us aren't talking."

Last week's winning project manager, Lou Ferrigno, gets all verklempt as he delivers a $50K check to a young girl battling muscular dystrophy. We must say, it never does get less entertaining to watch bulging freaks of nature wear their heart on their sleeve.

So what's this week's task? Crystal Light, thy makers of watery, supposedly healthy drinks, has unveiled a new product line of "mocktails," or cocktail-like drinks that look like the real thing (but presumably don't lead to violence or infidelity). Each team is to throw a Crystal Light party and unveil one of the brand's new drinks. They will be judged on creativity, brand messaging and the overall party atmosphere. The winning team's project manager will get $50K for his or her charity.

O'Day, having thrown many a party during her sorority days, is project manager for the women. Clay Aiken steps up for the men. Aiken, however, in a moment of concern that O'Day is at an advantage for this task, delivers easily the season's best line to date. "Aubrey popped right out of her mama's chach and started grabbing onto the stripper pole," the crooner says of O'Day's party-girl reputation. There's not much context to Aiken's statement, but it's brilliant nonetheless, if only for his incorporation of the word "chach." It's determined the women's party will promote a Pomtini drink while the men must promote a Peach Bellini flavored drink (we have no idea what a "Bellini" is).

After being told by the Crystal Light executives that the "mocktail" product line is "sassy" and "vibrant," the women decide to go with a "forbidden fruit" party theme. In their eyes, thanks to the Crystal Light Pomtini, the pomegranate shall now be viewed as the "unforbidden" fruit. Taking a far different approach, the men go with a beach theme – specifically, a "Life's a Peach" theme.

Both teams, unsurprisingly, are working quite well together. Remember, by this point, everyone thinks each other is AWESOME! Teresa Giudice, who's been told she has "exquisite taste" (by whom we are never informed) handles the women's decor, while model Patricia Velasquez is in charge of signage and branding, and fellow modelDayana Mendoza takes pictures of flowers to enact a "Garden of Eden" feel. O'Day and Lisa Lampanelli, per usual, take the lead in terms of creative execution. (Side Note: We were totally psyched when Lampanelli gave Rolling Stone a shout-out when she mentioned she was an RS editor back in the day!) And what is Debbie Gibsondoing during all this, you might be asking yourself? Oh, well, that's simple. Creating a ridiculous custom song for Crystal Light.

The men are similarly also all on the same page, other than some palpable tension between Aiken and Penn Jillette stemming from a tiff last week. They're lugging sand around, setting up a tiki bar, and assigning their team musclemen, Paul Teutul Sr. and Lou Ferrigno, to execute the hilarious task of delicately arranging mini-drink umbrellas for the party. "Freaking umbrellas!" Teutul mutters under his breath.

The next day, both parties get underway. While the women's party jumps off to a quick start – there's a fun, lively atmosphere, lots of people, and Gibson is belting out her annoying new song – the men's struggles to gain momentum. However, big-breasted women in bikinis and dudes who look like they belong in front of Abercrombie & Fitch soon arrive to kick off the indoor beach-party festivities. The Limbo is performed; an Arsenio Hall-led soul train snakes its way around the room. Hell, even Kathie Lee Gifford shows up, if for nothing else than to remark that she feels like she's at a bar mitzvah. To top it off, Aiken leads a group sing-along of the Drifters' "Under the Boardwalk."

The Crystal Light executives, who visit both parties, are impressed by both team's efforts. Their only gripes are that the men didn't have enough signage and the women's brand messaging wasn't spot on. And on to the board room we go!

Lampanelli is "99 percent sure" the women won. Continuing the "Everyone's Just Awesome" theme, the women are all complimentary of O'Day's performance as project manager. The men are equally complimentary of Aiken. "I don't think the team was ever stronger," Dee Snider remarks. Of course, Trump, in his devilish ways, demands that both PMs say who they would take back to the boardroom with them if their team lost. Aiken mumbles some feel-good crap before saying he'd bring back Snider and Teutul Sr. . . or perhaps Ferrigno. O'Day would bring back Velasquez and Mendoza, leading Snider to suggest she is biased against Venezuelans.

So who won? "You will break my heart," O'Day tells Trump when he asks if she thought the women lost. "Well, consider your heart broken," Trump says. The women are stunned: O'Day is crying, and even Lampanelli gets teary-eyed when Trump offers to donate a consolation prize of $10K to O'Day's charity. The consensus among the women is that no one did a particularly bad job, but that Mendoza is probably the weakest player. Yet when Donald Trump Jr. reveals that the Crystal Light executes thought the women's signage was off (the word "Pomtini" was larger than "Crystal Light"), the ax begins to fall upon Velasquez. After all, she was the one who made the signs.

O'Day brings Mendoza and Velasquez back with her to the board room, where there's the typical catty fighting. "Let us know how you're a strong player?" O'Day implores Mendoza. "Dayana can only be an executor," she adds. Ultimately, however, it's clear that Velasquez, not Mendoza, was responsible for the one flaw that lost this specific challenge for the women: the signage. "The details were done by Patricia," Trump explains. Without hesitation, he sets her free with a swift "You're fired!"

"I hate this game!" O'Day says mid-sniffle as the three ladies exit the board room. Oh Aubrey, keep your chin up, kid! It'll all be over soon.

Next Week: Oh, snap! The teams are switched up – yup, the men and women will be working together – for a two-task episode. What's that, you say? Someone walks out? Yes, someone is leaving this madness, without being fired. Who will it be? Stay tuned.

Read more:

http://www.rollingst...6#ixzz1qMJRX8PW

[ldyjocelyn]

tvgasm.com

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Crying for Cash

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Crying for Cash

Hello again Gasmii.

Is it that time already? Seems like just yesterday Flipit was bashing on my window to save me from the pool drool I was drowning in, after falling asleep during the riveting conversations conducted by Donald Trump. Thanks for the save Flipit; sorry the recap was a day late!

This week things took a new turn as the women worked pretty well together under the clever guidance of our Jr. Celebrity Apprentice. The men also seemed to gel well and it was quite the conundrum for anyone to come up with a person that should justifiably be considered for elimination. Sadly, that doesn't make for good snark, but let's just get down to it, get through it and try to salvage the rest of the week before we have to face this music again, shall we?

Things start up with all the women returning from the boardroom together, since they never had a chance to retreat because Tia refused to name anyone else. Lisa immediately heads over to Teresa and begins to talk smack about Patricia, since Patricia named Teresa the weakest player on the team.

Guess who's got one thumb, a stiff drink

and is gunning for the pretty people…

As I'm watching Lisa turn into a catty and vindictive witch, I feel disappointed and annoyed. She's going to become the next Adam for me – someone I want to like but ultimately can't stand. This chick had so much promise but she's letting a lot of ugliness surpass her intelligence and wit. It seems like she really just hates the pretty girls to me.

Meanwhile, Teresa is pissed that Patricia called her slow.

Slow! I'm the opposite of slow…

whatever that is.

Debbie comes over to join the IHHV team (I hate hot Venezuelans) and the crabbing continues. I wish Lisa would shut up.

Insert your own noun here.

I can understand why she doesn't like it, but Ms. C*ntinellI, as she asked to be called, must understand that this is all about TV ratings.

Guess which one of these doesn't entice us to stay tuned…

So my advice would be to back off the hot women. Sparky will keep them around because they are pleasant to look at. You would be best served going after an egomaniac, a table beater or a diabolical genius to better serve your own future position in this game.

Lou heads to Central Park, where he meets Abby – a really awesome kid afflicted with MD. Lou gets all choked up thinking about the adversity he has overcome and what the kids with MD must face every day.

But then I danced with a mop and showed them I could do it!

Dude, you do realize I can't dance, right?

The truth is Abby has an incredible attitude and presence, but I think she is as uncomfortable and overwhelmed with Lou's emotions as I am. Lou hopes all the money will help kids with MD get new wheelchairs and go towards finally finding a cure. There's a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I look at Abby's radiant smile and realize how strong she is. Time to stop complaining about my sprained thumb.

It's a new day and the teams all meet with Trump on a rooftop.He always starts with a completely pointless introduction and today it is to mention that this is the greatest city in the world and has the best views. Looks like a bunch of buildings crammed together to me, but the apprentice hopefuls agree with his every word.

That background could be Bogota, Cuzco or Saigon!

So the reason they are up here discussing the view is that Crystal Light has released a new line of drinks. Ah yes, the old good view = diet drink revamping segue…

Oh stop it, Lisa. Nobody's that excited about Crystal Light.

Actually, it sounds pretty good. As the tall, well spoken rep from Crystal Light tells us in a confident and professional manner (she should be competing on this show), they have devised mocktails that taste like mojitos and margaritas but are low cal and alcohol free. The teams will have to throw a party to launch their two newest flavors. The winner will be determined based on creativity, brand messaging and overall festive atmosphere created.

If Aubrey survives her furry python attack,

she'll serve as project manager.

Aubrey goes on to blow smoke up the butts of the execs by telling them she loves their products and lost a lot of weight using them. Sparky predicts she will have no problem winning the task.

The men decide Clay will manage this job for their team. Clay tells us that Aubrey has an advantage because clearly based on her hair, she is a clubber. Then he goes into a bit about Aubrey's mom's vajajay and Aubrey being born on a stripper pole… not good or nice stuff.

Your mama will not be proud.

The women decide they will launch the Pomtini flavor of mocktail, while the boys will be doing the Peach Bellini. The winning team will get fifty thousand dollars, thanks to Crystal Light (who knew they were doing so well?).

Team Unanimous is now riding in a van and Clay states that they first must come up with a theme. He admits he's not a party person and asks who has thrown good parties. Dee suggests it would be Arsenio who has the best parties.

"I'm a recluse. No one's even been to my house!"

It doesn't sound good for the men; apparently not one of them is known for partying.

Where's Andretti and Takei when you need them?

The women are brainstorming their ideas and our diabolical genius comes up with a forbidden fruit theme. She goes on to explain that nowhere in the good book does it actually say what the forbidden fruit is.

A Bible lesson from our Little Debbie's snack cake (with mold spots).

I checked it out on-line and Mensa girl is right! She hypothesizes that the forbidden fruit is the pomegranate, which makes sense, given it's sinful taste and aphrodisiac qualities. But I did find one guy on the web who thinks the forbidden fruit is the grape.

Eternal hell shall be our wrath!

The women love the idea. They decide to go with a theme that the forbidden fruit is now allowed and their motto will be "Stir Your Healthy Desires" or something like that. Whatever it is, it is just a dumb as "Love Your Reflection" was. The execs from Crystal Light come in to explain their product and the awesome confident girl starts describing the brand.

"Crystal Light is sassy and vibrant."

Vibrant – check.

The exec woman goes on to say it has been awhile since they've had anything out that is this fun, this unique and this exotic.

I bet you are all of those.

Could you maybe head on over to ANTM and trade places

with the adorable but worthless Seymone when you're done here?

After hearing what the execs are looking for, Aubrey says she's a little concerned

since the mold appears to be spreading.

She's also worried a bible theme might not be sassy enough.

Ultimately, Aubrey decides if you can't take on a challenge and make it what you want it to be, then you aren't a very creative person. So I have to ask, is Trump's prime goal to find a creative person? I thought it was the whole package he was looking for, but Lisa and Aubrey seem to only be able to focus on the idea that one must be super creative and come up with really bad mottos to win.

At the Unanimous war room, same hot Crystal Light girl is telling the men that Crystal Light is literally a party in a pack. They have carefully selected the colors, a confetti design, a specific glass, and a guilt free product to truly make it so.

No offense lady, but everyone here has a party in a pack.

End Part 1

[ldyjocelyn]

Part 2

Clay decides they are getting the message that the brand is fun, so they are going to invent a fun party, rather than a sophisticated cocktail party. He comes up with the idea to play on the phrase Life's a Beach and do Life's a Peach instead. The men decide it will work. Penn offers up his approach which is to ask questions to illustrate the parts he think are unrealistic, but Clay handles his unintentional disdain very well.

Alright, I've logged my opposition. I have nothing else to offer.

At team Forte, they are talking about popsicles. Teresa tells us she loves to throw parties and does them all the time. She plans on showing the girls how it's done with her exquisite taste.

The tape measure workout; why hasn't this been done?

Aubrey proves she's a brilliant manager. She's got Teresa working on interior design, Lisa on writing and editing, Patricia on graphics and she assigns Debbie the task of producing an original song for the launch. This move is beyond brilliant. As Aubrey says, it means she doesn't have to hear one of Debbie's hits anymore, but it also means she has stroked a giant ego and gotten that irritant out of her hair. Brilliant.

Chewbacca called. He's pretty pissed.

There seems to be a little hint of trouble as we see Aubrey telling Patricia her vision for graphics in the window but Patricia doesn't seem to be watching her. Then Patricia announces she's submitting some work to the printer but Lisa suggests she wait until it has been proof read. Patricia doesn't seem to be willing to cooperate. She continues working on the designs alone, failing to have another eye watch for branding

and seals her own fate.

Scope locked on Venezuelan victim #1.

Lisa tries to imitate Patricia as she mocks the supermodel's decision to submit without approval.

"No one shall proof read the great Patricia!"

Her impression sucks, but Lisa does have a point. It's a little odd that Patricia is being so stubborn about letting someone else review the work before it is shipped. Lisa tattles to Aubrey about Patricia's pigheadedness and recommends that they review all the words they want printed right away. Patricia tells us that the micromanaging that Aubrey and Lisa have been doing has been the most damaging human behavior she has ever seen in her entire life. Really? From a woman who grew up poor and had to endure the cut throat, self-serving world of fashion? That's a pretty strong statement!

Over at Unanimous, things seem to be going much better! Arsenio tells us it's like the day after a family fight, when the tension is gone and relationships have improved. Penn is contributing big time, pitching in, doing more than he's asked and being very positive.

Clay, I love you man, but you're wearing a woman's coat!

Arsenio has been put in charge of shopping and he takes a very willing Penn with him. Clay expresses delight at having a break from Penn. The others have all been assigned clear duties; Paul is in charge of building the tiki bars with Lou as his assistant. Dee is in charge of graphics and signage. They all pitch in to extort their New York friends into showing up for their party.

As the men are working, Ivanka arrives. She's looking particularly delicious today and Dee admits to her that as he saw her walk by, he considered inviting her to come to the party in a bikini before he realized who she was. She is delighted by his words.

The undead like to be flattered too.

Clay tells Ivanka this is a major challenge, because only two members of the team actually even drink alcohol. Ivanka turns to Dee and expresses her disbelief that he's not a partyier. Dee admits he's never done drugs or drank alcohol in his life. Really?

So this look was a sober and conscience choice?

Dorkus Amongus shows up at the Forte party room and Aubrey tries to appear casual. She's admitted to us that she has a crush on DJ, which I assume is because she's grossed out by daddy and things must have gone south in her attempt to seduce VampEric. But DJ seems to be holding out.

Listen, cave girl Strawberry Shortcake; I'm not

leaving my wife for anything less than Dayana.

Aubrey brags about their sophisticated slogan and mentions that they are taking photographs of gardens to promote their garden of Eden concept, rather than decorating the place with bushes and trees. Photos again? Seems like that is their catch all for every task. Anyway, Dorkus Amongus asks them where the fun element is and Aubrey spins a bunch of words which are basically an acknowledgement that they haven't quite worked fun into their concept yet. They're too busy trying to be classy and cool.

Dorkus Amongus asks Teresa what she thinks of the idea they have. Teresa tells him she's not actually crazy about their vision of Stir Your Healthy Desire or whatever the idea is.

Your words hurt me, Teresa.

Your death shall now be slow and painful.

It's obvious Teresa is distancing herself from anymore of Aubrey and Lisa's "winning" ideas, which I think is a very good idea. But I'm completely disappointed at how many black rabbits are currently freezing their asses off in New Jersey because of her.

Bitch give those tails back!

Lisa doesn't appreciate Teresa's defection in the name of self preservation.

Lisa's impersonation of Teresa.

Aubrey has sent Dayana and Debbie to Central Park to take the pictures they will use for their set design. The girls are enjoying their very important job of capturing leaf images.

Give me sultry. Work it, work it!

Aubrey is still very worried about what their signage will be as Patricia keeps shrugging off her questions and concerns.

The men are getting their beach props together and Clay has decided to have a performance at the party. He calls his music director to help them out. Music Director?

But unlike Debbie Gibson, at least he shares the spotlight.

Speaking of Ms. Gibson, she's loving having the opportunity to be in a studio recording her original song. She has roped in a top producer to help out. So I'm not sure why he isn't telling her to sing the song in a better register for her voice.

Is that a script in her hand? How long is the song???

Dayana contributes to the task by stroking Debbie's ego.

Dayana says she loves, loves, loves the song and she's sure it will be a hit. Debbie looks completely satisfied and smug with the final recording.

It's the morning of the launch parties and both teams are scrambling to get set up. Aubrey is going through the photos to be mounted on the walls and realizes Patricia has not created any images that feature the Crystal Light logo. I am impressed that although Aubrey knows they are in trouble, she takes it in stride and moves on to work the best she can with what she has.

This is Aubrey one second after she realizes she's fucked.

Anyone else (namely Lisa) would have shrieked and raged at the mistake. But Aubrey keeps her cool. The women are stressing as the carpet Teresa has ordered is running late and they can't set up the other stuff without it. Teresa gives the carpet guys a little bit of a talking to, but I'm still waiting to see the promised Guidice moves of lore.

The men are also having a little concern over their printing materials, but at least they exist and contain the company logo!

Although the women are doing the last minute carpet and popsicle freak out, things look pretty good.

Debbie is positioned at the mic, naturally.

Aubrey is tempted by the Grecian Garden of Delights.

[ldyjocelyn]

Part 3

Yup they are pretty much ready to go, so they open the doors and start their party.

Lisa forgot to change out of her grape stomping dress.

There is a good turnout and the room is really very pretty. It is a tasteful and attractive soiree.

But it looks about as fun as an exhibition of Van Gogh body parts.

At Unanimous, they try to give us the impression that no one is showing up for the party to add drama, but it's all a ruse. Plenty of people arrive to help the men with their beach bash.

Dear Clay, violet suits you. It brings out your peepers.

If you are going to wear women's clothes, at least

choose a lavender coat. Love, Luscious.

People start pouring in to the Life's a Peach party and the theme is definitely working. There are people in bathing suits, the drinks are flowing and everyone is having a good time.

Can you tell who's the Claymate and who's the Twisted Sister?

It's always a party when limbo breaks out!

And the fish out of water are hilarious.

This party is definitely a success. Dee points out this was a dude's party; no tables for resting drinks, no racks to take coats, none of the amenities women would think of, "cause we're dudes. We're primitive we're cave men. But…

we didn't fall short on party, baby."

At Forte, for some reason, Aubrey had people write their healthiest desire on the back of a card, which Lisa is now reading. Essentially people wrote down their deepest wish and Lisa read them out loud and made fun of them. I guess this was the fun element they worked into their fiesta.

I want to weigh 180 lbs. for the rest of my life.

Woo hoo! Who's having fun, eh?

Dayana does a major contribution by calling out the big guns and getting Miss USA, Miss Teen something and Miss NY to come to the party. She probably can't call in that favor all too often, so Aubrey better appreciate the donation!

Miss USA barely holds a candle to Miss Venezuela/Universe.

The executives arrive to check out the Forte party and Aubrey immediately has Debbie start her performance. It doesn't sound that good. Neither did her performance at the Buick show. Debbie's vocal chords might need a break.

Wait, why didn't the sassy contemporary singer perform?

Aubrey tells us the party was amazing and everyone had an incredible time and the atmosphere was stupendous. She predicts there is no way the boys will top it.

At Unanimous, the party has truly started as Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda Whoever from the morning show for lushes have just stopped in. Who pulled that string?

You spiked mine, right?

The execs arrive at the men's party and Clay begins to sing. Man, does he have a good voice! I can't believe Debbie has been assaulting our ears week after week with her "talent" when Aubrey, Clay and Dee remain quiet and modest.

Even the execs prefer Clay's Under The Boardwalk

to Debbie's original Crystal Light remix.

Unlike Debbie's Watch Me On Stage show, Clay is in the middle of the floor and encourages everyone to sing with him. One of the execs even joins in on the song! I think the men nailed this task for sure.

The women are wrapping up their party and doing a sort of curtain call of credits to each other for the production of their museum piece. I think this photo perfectly sums up the dynamic of this group.

Lisa consumes the team calories, Patricia looks lost, Aubrey rules with grace,

Debbie controls the mic, Teresa blends in, and Dayana cheerleads.

Aubrey tells us that the girls really unified on this task and she's hopeful that this is a sign of future things to come, but she knows enough to know that girls are vicious back stabbers, so she's ready to take them down if they lose this task.

BOARDROOM TIME!

In the board room, the women expound on how confident the are that they won. Aubrey suggests Trump will have to be the one to get fired, since all the women did so great. That was ballsy, but Trump takes it well. I think he's got a soft spot for the little firecracker.

Sparky asks Debbie to sing her original song and she allows herself two seconds of mock modesty. She asks the other girls to sing it with her, but then she jumps in and start out solo.

This is my show.

So get your own show.

You know you love me,

'Cause I'm dynomite!

Aubrey goes on and on about how great things were and Trump interrupts to admire her "mouthpiece". He tells Aubrey this is admirable and she throws in the gold digger play by sayins, "you might not want to marry me, but you'll hire me for business." This gives Sparkster a gross glint in his eye as he suddenly considers a wife younger than his daughter. He asks Aubrey if she's married and she says she's tragically single. Sparky predicts she won't be single for long after this show is over. Does he mean himself or someone else?

How come Trump never flirts with me?

The girls are asked to name who would be fired if they lose the task and the general consensus is that Dayana is the weakest player because she doesn't have creative ideas, although even Lisa is loathe to say it because they all love their pretty cheerleader.

Sparky tells the women that the executives love the job they did, but that this doesn't mean that they won.

He moves over to the men and tells them that the executives loved Clay. Arsenio kisses ass by wearing a Donald Trump tie, which Sparky spots immediately. Ivanka predicts Arsenio won't be fired tonight.

Sparky tells Arsenio it was a smart move.

Then we move on to review Dee's finger's condition and this leads to the revelation that both Dee and Clay assumed the other would be a loser who would be fired quickly. They have both since learned the other is a worthy adversary (and teammate).

Penn explains to Sparky that they had a beach theme of Life is a Peach.

A beach party? How provincial.

Trump forces Clay to name two people to bring back if he's going to be fired. He hates to name anyone, but he has to say Dee and then he says he can't decide between Paul or Lou. So essentially, he named three people. Doh!

Aubrey tells Trump she'll have to bring back Dayana because she's not needed and Patricia because there were problems with the signs. Sparky asks Aubrey if she hates Venezuela. Aubrey responds by saying Patricia was amazing and kind and delicate with her today and that she loves Patricia. Nice way to show it.

Dorkus Amongus tells us what the execs liked about the women's party. Apparently the Garden Delight theme was very appealing and the decorating was fantastic. They enjoyed Lisa's ridiculing the pleasure cards and that the shindig was hip. What the execs didn't like was that the focus was on the Pomtini, a flavor one can get elsewhere and not on the Crystal Delight branding.

Ivanka tells us that the execs thought the men were very entertaining. They liked that there were two bars and they loved the bartenders. The downside was that the interior signage was hard to see. Clay argues the reason the signs were not visible was because it was such a festive atmosphere that the large crowd was on their feet the entire time, blocking the signs. The Trumps seem to accept this reasoning.

Sparky says it's time to pick the winning team and prefaces by saying the execs loved both teams.

But the Godfather decrees Unanimous the victor.

Surprisingly, this does not go over well with the diabolical genius.

The men are enjoying their victory and Clay admits it was awful to have to name anyone (much less 3 people) to be up for elimination when it wasn't necessary. But he's really excited that his chairty, The National Inclusion Project will be able to send a boat load of kids with disabilities to summer camp thanks to the money he just won.

The boys turn on the tv and discover Aubrey is crying. They take delight in this.

Mocking someone when they're down doesn't seem your style, Lou.

[ldyjocelyn]

Part 4

Clay has a more compassionate concern; if Aubrey cries, her eyelashes will fall off. Ha!

Back in the boardroom, Aubrey is really upset. She explains to Sparky it is because she's very competitive and passionate about her charity. She hates to have lost all that money for them. Trump asks her about her charity and she explains it is called GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network) and she is part of a campaign against bullying. Sparky tells her that he admires her passion and believes in her cause and as such, he's going to donate ten thousand dollars to them.

That brightens up our little Einstein.

Do you think she was calculated enough to know that would happen if she cried?

Lisa tries to hone in on the action.

Sparky asks Aubrey who should be fired and she continues to cry as she says Dayana should be the one to go. I find it irritating that they keep hounding on Dayana, I don't think she's that bad. But at least Aubrey understands Dayana now and is only suggesting her reluctantly because ultimately someone has to be fired and it is always wise to pick a person who is already marked.

Sparky points out that Dayana actually did a great job on this task. She brought in all the eye candy. That alone would be enough for her to win in the old man's book.

Since Patricia refuses to name anyone to be fired, Sparky asks about her performance. Always better to answer his questions and let him wander away to talk to someone else, girls.

Trump asks Aubrey if these are lifelong friends and if she'll stay in touch with them after tonight if she gets fired.

"I'm not getting fired tonight."

You go girl! I appreciate her passion and conviction. She also does it with a lot more equanimity than Lisa did when fighting for her life. Aubrey's arguments about why she shouldn't be fired and how her team did not fail are excellent. It looked like Trump was leaning towards giving her the ax, but she is able to dissuade him.

The men are sitting in the lounge complaining to the TV that although Aubrey is the creative force behind the tasks, the women have only won two challenges. They are wishing one of the women would point this out and someone even suggests they text Dorkus Amongus about that. But then Dayana pipes up in the board room and makes that exact point.

Ivanka always knows where to sniff out weakness and she reminds everyone that the execs only complaint was in the size of the Crystal Light logo on their signs. This brings the focus on Patricia. The team is reluctant to admit it, but Lisa is finally the one to say that if that was their only mistake, then that is where the fault should lie.

Sparky tells Aubrey to name the two people to come back with her and in the quietest voice we've heard from her yet, Aubrey names Patricia and Dayana. Sparky orders the women out and commands the three under consideration to wait outside while they deliberate. The children communicate with their mental telepathy.

Dibs if it's Dayana!

You're such an idiot, DJ. That's dad's meat.

Outside in the waiting room, Aubrey is still crying. She apologizes to Dayana and Patricia as the men declare that Aubrey is taking out the country of Venezuela.

No matter what, we still win for hotness.

Aubrey wishes she had friends like that.

But it's lonely being this brilliant.

The girls get called back in and there is some exploration of the point that all the concepts have been Aubrey's and they lose more than they win. Aubrey still wants to fire Dayana for a stronger team going forward but the bloodhounds point out they lost this task because of the printing.

Blah, blah, blah, we all know Sparky will not be tossing his beauty queen out unless he absolutely has to, so the focus comes down to Aubrey and Patricia. Ultimately, since Sparks still has eye candy left to look at and Aubrey has impressed him with her fire, it is Patricia that takes the fall.

Adios, beautiful!

We'll miss you, Patricia. She tells us in the car that at least she was able to get some exposure for her charity, The Wayuu Taya Foundation, but she's kind of glad to be going now that things are getting uglier and uglier.

It's sad that she's gone, but was she the right one to be fired?

See you all next week!

[ldyjocelyn]

hollywoodreporter.com

What's Behind Clay Aiken's Media Blitz

What's Behind Clay Aiken's Media Blitz

After flying under the radar, the "American Idol" alum has resurfaced to resurrect his candid persona, competing on "Celebrity Apprentice," confessing to plastic surgery and weighing in on the Trayvon Martin tragedy.

3:14 PM PDT 3/29/2012 by Erin Carlson

Getty Images

Old Chin/New Chin.

Clay Aiken is stepping back into the limelight, revealing more personality than ever.

The 33-year-old singer will always be part of the permanent pop-culture lexicon after gaining fame as one of the most successful runners-up in American Idol history, dating back nine years to season two.

But he has also been fiercely private, despite flashes of outspokenness. (See: Aiken's bitter 2009 tiradeagainst fellow Idol also-ran Adam Lambert, one of whose TV performances he slammed as "awful," "contrived" and "slightly frightening.")

For years, Aiken -- whose fans are dubbed "Claymates" -- appeared to be in hiding from his true self, dodging persistent questions about his sexuality. In September 2008, he publicly confirmed he's gay, months after welcoming a son, Parker Foster Aiken, with friend Jaymes Foster, the sister of music producer David Foster. She produced his fourth studio album, On My Way Here, released that same year.

In July 2010, Aiken dropped a disc of standards called Tried and True, and this week, he returns from a two-year album hiatus with the follow-up Steadfast, a tribute to '50s and '60s songs. It contains seven tracks from Tried and True, plus a pair of covers and one original song in a repackaging of his previous effort.

In that sense, he appears to be capitalizing on his current stint as a contestant on NBC'sCelebrity Apprentice, the Donald Trump-created ego franchise from which Aiken most certainly would have shied away several years ago. He can be seen Sunday nights competing for cash (all proceeds go to charity) alongside Arsenio Hall, Debbie Gibsonand Real Housewife Teresa Giudice.

Aiken marked a media appearance to promote his projects on Tuesday's edition of the Bravo chatfest Watch What Happens, hosted by Andy Cohen. The no-holds-barred tone of the show seemed to rub off on Aiken, who confessed to having plastic surgery.

"I had operative surgery on my jaw for a TMJ thing and I had them suck the fat out of my chin while they were in there," he said, not mentioning the date on which he went under the knife. "I was like, 'You know what, while I'm already down, go ahead and take the vacuum in there and suck the fat out of my chin.'"

(It's worth noting that Aiken has made a cameo on NBC's 30 Rock as the cousin of the character Kenneth (Jack McBrayer), whose weak chin is a running joke on the series.)

In another candid conversation, the singer and reality star weighed in on the tragic death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin, who was shot dead by neighorhood watchman George Zimmerman while unarmed last month.

"The Trayvon Martin story has gotten a lot of coverage already but this is in memory of him," Aiken told the Huffington Post on Wednesday, sporting a hooded sweatshirt in tribute to the Florida teen. "As a father, you think about your own kid and mine is really young but this could be anyone's child. We need to have something happen here, some sort justice and arrest. I'm not saying a conviction, I'm just saying an arrest and a jury deciding this instead of just some cops."

According to the Huff Post, citing sources, Aiken "does very well" during his Apprentice run.

Nearly 10 years since his overnight Idol fame, the once-shy performer seems to be making a concerted effort to remain in the spotlight, where he seemingly belongs -- and wants to be.