jmh123 Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 {{{Wandacleo}}}, vent away my friend. I can't even imagine how you manage. I'm glad you're going to get a few days away. Hope when you get back things can be worked out with Hospice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couch Tomato Posted November 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Wandacleo yes, be sure to take care of you!! - you are living through my nightmares right now. I just really fear for the future. Is there any way to prepare? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wandacleo Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Wandacleo yes, be sure to take care of you!! - you are living through my nightmares right now. I just really fear for the future. Is there any way to prepare? I tried to organize, prepare, and take care of things--made sure I had power of attorney and paid the bills, knew where everything was, but the reality of taking care of someone with Alzheimer's (or any debilitating disease) is that it's just flatout exhausting and never-ending. I've been taking care of Mom for 17 years--and half of those were with her having dementia. You just have NO IDEA how expensive it all can be. Just going away for 3 days is costing me about $1200 for care. People with unlimited funds or longterm care insurance are so lucky, but for the average working person, it's overwhelming. Mom has now run out of all savings, and her sole income is social security (and that's not much), so I'm applying to social services to see if I can get someone for a few hours a day in the home to help--but I don't know. If she goes to a facility, then it will have to be under Medicaid because I can't afford $7000 a month!! That's far from ideal. Plus, I know they will just drug Mom into oblivion because there's just no way they're going to put up with her fighting them. I wish I could say that there was no reason for you to fear this type of future, but I'd line up committments for help from other family members if you can, now before they can think of excuses. My sisters were great about helping when all they had to do was "babysit," but they won't help now that it's difficult: "Too hard." Thank God for Clay and Las Vegas!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Toots Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Wandacleo yes, be sure to take care of you!! - you are living through my nightmares right now. I just really fear for the future. Is there any way to prepare? I tried to organize, prepare, and take care of things--made sure I had power of attorney and paid the bills, knew where everything was, but the reality of taking care of someone with Alzheimer's (or any debilitating disease) is that it's just flatout exhausting and never-ending. I've been taking care of Mom for 17 years--and half of those were with her having dementia. You just have NO IDEA how expensive it all can be. Just going away for 3 days is costing me about $1200 for care. People with unlimited funds or longterm care insurance are so lucky, but for the average working person, it's overwhelming. Mom has now run out of all savings, and her sole income is social security (and that's not much), so I'm applying to social services to see if I can get someone for a few hours a day in the home to help--but I don't know. If she goes to a facility, then it will have to be under Medicaid because I can't afford $7000 a month!! That's far from ideal. Plus, I know they will just drug Mom into oblivion because there's just no way they're going to put up with her fighting them. I wish I could say that there was no reason for you to fear this type of future, but I'd line up committments for help from other family members if you can, now before they can think of excuses. My sisters were great about helping when all they had to do was "babysit," but they won't help now that it's difficult: "Too hard." Thank God for Clay and Las Vegas!!! Wandacleo, have you ever looked into being paid for caregiving your mother at home. I do think some people get paid by the state?government? maybe Medicaid, for keeping their family at home and doing all the caregiving. I really don't know anything about this except I've run across a person or two who had that situation and if I remembered who they were I'd ask them. I have to ask you if you use drugs to control her combativeness? Would she really know that she was being drugged and would it be easier for you? It seems someone can certainly help you with those issues. I don't think most people can afford the cost of an Alzhiemers facility and I'm not really sure long term insurance would last that long anyway. Alzheimer's is such a terrible disease and you deserve lot's of hugs for being so burdened (bad word but true). :F_05BL17blowkiss: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wandacleo Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Couchie I know that Medi-cal can authorize payments for family, but my problem is that I need help, not the money. Mom is just so hard to move and care for by myself. I'm hoping that I can get an aide for a few hours a day. We've actually tried a number of different medications and none really do anything--in fact, most made Mom much worse. I've read all the studies, and most drugs really don't work very well with Alzheimer patients. Mom is only combative if I try to get her to do something she doesn't want to do (like sit up or bathe) because she's afraid and doesn't understand. There's just not much help for that. Most of the time, I know how to keep her on even keel, but sometimes, I have to move her or make her do something--and then I have to duck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibby Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Wanda, are there any day programs for adults with Alzheimers in your area? There are program like that here, and many caregivers find it to be a lifesaver. I don't know if your Mom is too confused to understand about going to to a program, but it might be something that would give you a bit of a break during the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmh123 Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 I remember wandacleo posting about that. There is a program she can take her mother if she's in good enough condition on a particular day. ETA: so sorry to hear that Wanda. I think you need some of these. I hope Hospice comes through for you. You definitely need some help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wandacleo Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 The daycare won't take Mom anymore because she can't feed herself and just sits and stares or sleeps. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Toots Posted November 13, 2007 Report Share Posted November 13, 2007 Wandacleo, gibby posted that your mom is going to get hospice care. :F_05BL17blowkiss: to you, maybe now you can get a little peace of body and mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wandacleo Posted November 14, 2007 Report Share Posted November 14, 2007 Thank you to all of you. I've appreciated your support. Mom died last night. It's been a very difficult week, but I'm happy that she's at peace. She had a good long life--not many people make it to 98. Her last words were "I love you" and "you sonofabitch" (when we were turning her to clean her), and that pretty much captured her spirit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
playbiller Posted November 14, 2007 Report Share Posted November 14, 2007 wandacleo, somehow after all you did and all the problems, I think this loss will be hard on you, feel free to lean on someone here if you need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Toots Posted November 14, 2007 Report Share Posted November 14, 2007 Wandacleo, please accept my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your mom. You did everything you could and more for your mother and she won't be suffering anymore. Take good care of yourself and come in and talk with us about your mom when you are ready. I'll be thinking about you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ansamcw Posted November 14, 2007 Report Share Posted November 14, 2007 Thank you to all of you. I've appreciated your support. Mom died last night. It's been a very difficult week, but I'm happy that she's at peace. She had a good long life--not many people make it to 98. Her last words were "I love you" and "you sonofabitch" (when we were turning her to clean her), and that pretty much captured her spirit! (((((Wandacleo and family))))) so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a very interesting person that had a good long life....This has been a huge strain on you...take care and know we are here for you.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughn Posted November 14, 2007 Report Share Posted November 14, 2007 wandacleo just sending (((hugs))) your way. May I be as lucky to have someone like you at my side when I need that kind of care someday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckiest1 Posted November 14, 2007 Report Share Posted November 14, 2007 {{{wandacleo}}} My thoughts are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couch Tomato Posted November 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2007 Thank you to all of you. I've appreciated your support. Mom died last night. It's been a very difficult week, but I'm happy that she's at peace. She had a good long life--not many people make it to 98. Her last words were "I love you" and "you sonofabitch" (when we were turning her to clean her), and that pretty much captured her spirit! Ahh that makes me smile and cry. I'm glad she's at peace and 98 is a good long life. :F_05BL17blowkiss: We are here if you need to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YSRN Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 Thank you to all of you. I've appreciated your support. Mom died last night. It's been a very difficult week, but I'm happy that she's at peace. She had a good long life--not many people make it to 98. Her last words were "I love you" and "you sonofabitch" (when we were turning her to clean her), and that pretty much captured her spirit! Aww... {{wandacleo}} Wow, 98. Incredible life so obviously filled with love and support. May she rest in peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibby Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 Wanda, I'm amazed that you kept caring for her until the end. Wow, that was a tremendous committment! Her last words cracked me up. She really had vim and vigor until the end, didn't she? It's good that she's at peace now. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you mourn her loss and adjust to not having her there anymore. It will probaby be a relief, but sad, too! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{WANDA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aikim Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 Hugs and prayers Wanda; your mom sounded like a great lady...may she rest in peace. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheiladownunder Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 {{{{wandacleo}}}} my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I find it touching that she expressed her love for you at the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cotton Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 Wandacleo, just wanted to add my hugs and good thoughts. It's hard to lose a parent. Period. No matter what the circumstances. I had sudden, unexpected with Mama and watching him fail with Daddy. I hope you have good folks around you. I also want to echo someone else's reminder to take care of yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atinal Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 wandacleo, I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you can find comfort knowing she is at peace and will be able to celebrate her long life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamar1700 Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 wanda...I'm so sorry. And as others have said...please remember to take care of yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldyjocelyn Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 {{{{{{wandacleo}}}}}}. I'd love to know what to tell you to get through this time in your life, but sometimes words are hard to come by. I guess I'd say -- try to remember the good times (including what seems to be that feisty spirit in her), and just come by here if you need to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzgirl Posted November 15, 2007 Report Share Posted November 15, 2007 wandacleo you have been a wonderful loving and caring daughter! You and your mother were very lucky to have each other and you are a living legacy of your mother's spirit. She lives in your heart now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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