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Lotus

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Everything posted by Lotus

  1. I had been told about FCA by a friend who posts at CV and since keeping up with CV can take up so much time I rarely got over here. But I was reading here a couple of days ago really enjoying the tone of the posts. I have been totally addicted to everything Clay since June of 06 much to the detriment of my garden and housekeeping but oh what joy he has brought into my life. Still grieving for my DH of over 30 years, a sweet loving man and waiting for the results of the investigation of a medical situation which, in it worst case scenario, would leave me totally disabled, both mentally and physically, I was spending my evenings surfing the net. I would fall into bed exhausted but then able to sleep, my brain too tired to go thru all the what if's. So one night I happened to come across a video of Clay singing...one of the AI2 videos..and I wish I could remember which one it was and that was it. Who is this beautiful young man with the wonderful voice? There followed hours of video watching, blog reading (some of which made me heart sick) and I staggered off to bed at 4:00am, dazed and amazed. There followed more investigation and a growing feeling which I found puzzling. Never had I felt this way about a singer and here I was, a grandmother of 5, feeling like a teenager, a randy teenager at that. After days of downloading videos, magazine articles and pretty well anything else I could find, I discovered fan boards and found a place for myself at the LBFCA, a place which understood this mixture of lust and maternal feelings. Since then CV has been the board that I visit pretty well daily. For the following three months I would fall asleep at night with his voice in my ears, when I gardened, he was with me, when I woke in the morning his voice was singing in my heart. He got me through a rough patch. My children think my fandom is cute and are glad that I am enjoying life again. I have told a few friends and they too see what a difference there is in my attitude toward life but....there are those to whom I will not speak of Clay because of what I know will be their judgment of him and me. That's their loss. Monday I am flying to Minneapolis to attend the two concerts and at times it still seems so incredible that I would be doing this , let alone just a few days before Christmas. ETA I see that I am displayed as a dog walker. I don't know how that got on there or how to remove it. I love dogs and if I had one I would certainly walk it but I can't say it's a great interest at this time
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