Couch Tomato

#1 - Ready for your constant state of celebration

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Actually, I heard that Clay is a hidden contestant on this season's amazing Race and at each pit stop he will sing a new song from his album. You know, Like "bungee jumping is high for me" or I amy be afraid of water, but I will row that ding dang boat.

The surprise at the end of the show is that they will announce that he wrote these songs and connected with them becasue they were all about life's ahem or TAR's challenges.

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Of course he can be on Gray's Anatomy...right after he does his double header. First on Skating with Celebrities, he and Michelle Kwan make a cameo (they are saving the outtakes where Dorothy Hamill clears the judges table in a single bound to join the rumble in the middle of the ice where Michelle, Kristy, Tai and Jillian are battling over who ties his shoes/skates/etc.) He then mosies over to Dancing with the Stars, where he explains to an enraptured audience that he can't actually dance but learned from the skating show to be fair dances with all the women, the fans create a weird write-in campaign and he wins as well as is elected President (but can't serve as he's too young).

Riding the wave of popularity, Clay then goes to northwestern Ohio (that hotbed of music business magnates/accountants) to establish a new nexus of the music industry. Ohio is crushed under the influx of women who suddenly decide Ohio is clearly the place to be. Clive Davis appears in a puff of green smoke, hands Clay that triple platinum certificate and is immediately engulfed by online experts telling how he should do his job. Ohio secedes from the Union, elects Clay King (and KAndre Warlord) and procedes to conquer the world. Clay's third album drops to rave reviews.

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Ohio secedes from the Union, elects Clay King (and KAndre Warlord) and procedes to conquer the world.

I would have settled for just kicking Michigan's ass, but that works for me, too.

Now, this is the kind of speculation and extrapolation I can support. ;)

Off pump my highly-placed sources at NBC for details about the triumphant return of Clay to Scrubs, this time as the hot singing gynecologist that all the women on the show are smitten with. Clive Davis cameos as a corpse. Fingers crossed - if his story arc goes well, the network is seriously considering spinning off the character into his own sitcom, which will anchor NBC's flagging Thursday night line-up. Must EEEE! TV, indeeed.

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You forgot his hosting and singing on SNL, and taking part as their main skit writer.

I believe someone already described him cooking with Martha.

But what? No appearnace on Beauty and the geeks? I know he said he wanted to do the Bachelor, so that would be the bachelor in Raleigh? There is a whole newset of shows for him. Project runway is out though, I prefer the show with people who can sew.

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Oh damn..yes beauty and the geeks...we can't forget that...he will be in the coronation or whatever they have, being the Role model of Geeks everywhere...

But...but...did you all hear...he might also make an appearance on exile island...can you just see him singing BFM on top of that ugly skull...swooooon...

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Now playbiller, I bet Clay has plenty of bottles of Stitch Witchery - don't be so plebian! Give Clay a couple of hours, some paper clips and a free hand at the Salvation Army, I bet he could come up with a line that would be INDESCRIBABLE!

The SNL is a given - I think we need to take him in a slightly different direction - ESPN anchorman. That Kimmel skit I think gave him as much knowledge as any of those other talking heads. He can also provide halftime entertainment by singing. Man, we are brilliant! I hope Team Clay is taking notes!

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Just keep him off ER...they are short staffed (wink) and every story line has blood on everyone/everywhere...never knowing if there will be car crashes, drownings, eletrocutions, planes crashes, drive by shootings, posioned food, starvation, unsafe sex, hostage situations any and all combinations before the first commercial.

OMC is much tooooooo booootiful to wear and be exposed to all that even in a cameo appearance...

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I've got it! He needs to be a guest judge on "Iron Chef America!" The secret ingredient will be chocolate...no wait...um...mushrooms...um no....um....Cinnamon Toast Crunch! Yeah! That's it. I'd love to see what Bobby Flay can make with that!

Oh, and Clay would have to sing a song from his new album every time a new dish was served him. Singing for his supper, as it were.

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hmmmm iron chef america...sounds delish...as long as the secret ingrediant is Krispykreme...

yup agree about ER...too gross...then all the CSI series is out too....oh darn they had that dominatrix episode last night and I did think of Kandre... ;)

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Okay, OKay, Clay could probably dress a woman better than Santino, and if the sleeves came appart, the woman would proudly wear it as if it were supposed to be that way. The question is how many ofthe models would still be standing after he dressed them?

Well, Clay could not be on wife swap or trading spouses, not now anyway, but maybe if they had an edition called dog swap?

If he were on Punked, he would have to be the punker, not the punkee. Perhaps one of his opening acts or back up singers could be punked? If he was the punkee, would he walk into a Krispie Kreme and they claim not to have donuts?

See, if he had not already sold his house, we could have seen him on Trading Up. Actually, I would pay to see a show like that, just the cruel side of me coming out I expect.

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Okay, I was sworn to secrecy on this one, but y'all will keep it quiet, right? ;)

So, I just got back from having some after work cocktails with my friend who works at the local ABC affiliate. Apparently, the whole news division with abuzz with rumors about possible anchor changes in New York. Since Charlie Gibson is currently filling in as co-anchor on World News Tonight, the network brass is looking for someone to temporarily work with Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America.

Who have they tested? Well, just maybe, a certain spiky-haired singer who happens to be a news junkie, has a ton of on-camera charisma, and who has been spotted in New York lately. There are a few bugs to work out though. In the test shows they shot, Diane kept inching over towards her co-anchor and putting her hand on his knee, which made things things a little awkward at anchor desk. Interacting with the musical acts is no problem for the candidate, but the cooking segments could potentially be a problem due to food allergy issues. "Bam" - scrambling for the epipen - not good. Clive Davis is trying to negotiate a two for one deal, and is pushing for Fantasia to be hired to do the weather. GMA is balking at that particular request...

:P

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I suppose that suggesting that Clay appear on "What Not to Wear," with guest stylist John Dahlstrom, is a bit too easy?

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Bwah!!! GMA...priceless...what not to wear...but what about the hair?

Hey...could he be guest hosting on live with Regis and Kelly? I know...Kelly dissed him...but...but...

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hmmmm iron chef america...sounds delish...as long as the secret ingrediant is Krispykreme...

yup agree about ER...too gross...then all the CSI series is out too....oh darn they had that dominatrix episode last night and I did think of Kandre... ;)

NOOOOOOOOO YES to ER..my two favorite celebrity boyfriends on the screen together. Clay and Luka...sigh. But for my storyline...Mr Ambassador is in Africa and eats something nutty and John Carter has to save him. Now, being that I see a common theme of singing songs off the album, we can have him sing all through his emergency surgery.

But I want clay to be on my favorite show of the moment, Project Runway. The designers have to design his album cover outfit. But first they have to do a little segment showing him in all of his fashion eccentricities so they'll know he's not the egghead they first saw on Idol.

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Clay and Dr. Hunk errr, Luka...I like that combo...

Who should have the priveldge of creating for Project Runway??

Chloe??? Kara??? Daniel ??? Go no where near Santanio.....

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oMG Clay would probably love that Santino crappola. I know know who can actually design good men's wear. I wasn't too impressed with the stuff this week. But I'd just go with the two best all around designers and pray for the best... Daniel and Chloe!!

So, how can we get our boy onto 24.

oooh Skate, I like the way you think?

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I like the idea of Clay on Project Runway. But if he picked the wrong outfit would a group of fans come out of the woodwork to criticise his choice and threaten to leave the fandom? I'm at the point where I can't tell fan from foe. Oy!!!

I think I have angst overload today. It was almost nice to go to the grocery store.

If you get a chance Trekkietoo put up video of the British version of Project Runway in the CH TV thread. It's called Project Catwalk. I've watched episode one so far and it was pretty interesting.

Edited by FearofH2O

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Couchie,

You have to wait a minute or so for the megaload to say "download here" but in the meantime you get at least one popup that you have to x out before you can see the that download message. After you press enter on the download here message, it asks you where to save it and after that it should begin downloading. Its a zip file and you also have to unzip before watching it.

These are hour long episodes and took me several hours to download, so I would do it overnight.

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It's almost full moon time, I have a raging case of PMS, I am hopped up on caffeine, and I feel like I have been on a mostly self-inflicted emotional roll coaster (not all Clay related) for the last week and a half, so I am loaded for bear right down. (Waves at Ansa. You go,girl!) I managed to do a quick round of the mall without kicking over a stroller, beating a teenager, or tripping a mall-walking senior. I didn't tell the clerk at the Coach store what she could do with her attitude. (I may be wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, chickie, but that doesn't mean I don't occasionally drop $300 on a purse.) I didn't kick the neighbor's 900 year old yippy dog that has been my long-time nemesis, although I did mutter "Why don't you die, already" at it between my teeth. Long story short - I am in a temper, and the stopper's coming off. Maybe I'll leave this stuff here - maybe I'll edit it out in an hour.

In the meantime, my potpourri of pissiness:

_____________________________________

Entertainment Weekly blurb: I got my copy of the magazine today, so I could look at the article in question as a whole. My interpretation of how what a casual fan might take away from the blurb: "New album in May? Cool, I'll keep an eye out for it." Even if the picture is three years old, Clay looks great and his names is in shining lights behind him.

The article also talks about Axl Rose's "Chinese Democracy", which he has been futzing with since 19 freakin' 94, and has reportedly spent $13 million on. Clay's delay seems like nothing in that context. A sidebar gives a pretty serious diss to Paris Hilton's "album".

______________________________________

Covers: Why does a portion of the fandom always put the worst possible spin on any bit of news about the new CD? Last week, many were "positive" something different was CCM, or bluegrass, or country, or whatever their personal least favorite genre was. This week, because the word "covers" gets included in a blurb, Clive is forcing Clay into being Barry, Jr. WTF? Clive lets Clay make what seems to have been a false start on the follow-up CD; allows him to find a new EP, who assembled a new team of song-writers in May of 2005 to write new material especially for Clay; lets Clay and JFL spend 4 to 5 months recording that material, only to pull the carpet out from underneath them at the last minute and insist on a mostly covers CD? Does not compute to me. I still contend that if Clive thought Clay should only be a cover singer, MOAM would have been loaded with them. I just can't see Clive letting Clay have what seems to have been a pretty long leash during 2005, only to jerk up on the choke chain so abruptly on 2006.

Battles? - Probably. Kelly indicated she had to fight with Clive to get the songs she had written on her CD. Clive was willing to compromise in her case, and she got six of her co-written songs on Breakaway. There's no reason to think Kelly would have more clout with Clive than Clay - she had sold fewer albums at that point than Clay had. YMMV, of course. But remember, KAndre did say I could be an expert if I wanted to be, so pppfffttt. :P

_________________________________

Finally, I have in my head a crystal clear vision of how Clay's hour-long Oprah show will go this spring:

The Theme - A boy who has been through the fire, and has come through as a man of maturity and substance, refined and redefined.

Oprah introduces Clay, and the crowd of well-dressed women (It is an Oprah audience, after all) goes nuts. You'd think it was the Oprah's Favorite Things episode. The interview starts with a retrospective of Clay's time since American Idol - MOAM, touring, TV appearances, moving back to Raleigh, shopping for bucket hats and cargo shorts, and LTS. This leads into a discussion about bullying, which covers Clay's experiences from school through American Idol and the current tabloid situation. Clay addresses the issue in a thoughtful and serious way, and hopefully does not use the "dating my dog" line. Oprah gets to share her own experiences and commiserate over the hurtfulness of the tabloid intrusiveness. (Oprah makes a mental note to call her friend Martha Stewart to explore the possibility of launching a hostile take-over of Rupert Murdoch's media holdings.)

After the break, the discussion turns to Clay's new CD, and the process of putting it together. The narrative includes how the theme of the album came together, how it represents where Clay is at this point in his life. Maybe he hints at struggles with the record executives, but not in such a way that pisses Clive Davis off. Clay sings a beautiful ballad off the album, with heart-rending, toe-curling, eyes-rolling up in the head low notes. ( What. It's my story.) Oprah furiously fans herself as they go to break.

The next segment deals with Clay's UNICEF work, and Oprah and Clay talk about Africa. Next they discuss the BAF, which includes a conversation with families whose children have participated in the foundation's programs. Oprah surprises Clay with a substantial contribution to the BAF.

The show ends with Clay rocking out on the lead single of the new album. The full band is there, with Angela and Quiana looking especially fierce and beautiful. The new male back-up singer is a great fit for the ensemble, and does not have an inflated opinion of his abilities as a solo artist. The audience completely loses their shit. Oprah is on her feet, dancing and pumping her fist. Pre-orders for the new CD go through the roof, and it ships triple-platinum.

Oprah and Diane Sawyer spend the summer in the Wildest Dreams bus Dead-Heading around after Clay's summer tour, with Steadman and Mike Nichols reluctantly in tow. After a few weeks, of course, the guys are rabid Clay Dawgs.

No? Eh, it was just a thought, and waddya know, I do feel better..... ;)

Edited by bottlecap

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Now thats a great scenario...I'm sure it will happen somewhere down the line.

WORD bottlecap... I think what is making me feel tired right now is the fact that just by the introduction of the word covers...people are now extrapolating to the worse possible scenario for Clay. I don't know if people jsut want to be prepared for the worse, but this Cd will be comeing out in MAY...that means months of this kind of negativity...sigh. That will be tough....

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bottlecap,

That is a riot. I absolutely agree with your assessment of that blurb in EW. To me it said nothing. Somewhere I posted that it sounded like it was written by newbie at EW who thought he/she would have a little fun with the "claymates".

I don't think there is any way this album is all covers. Clay said he was looking at new material. I also reread an article where he talked about being a better businessman and learning to stand his ground. After that meeting that Jamyes had in Nashville and with all those writers that attended who were interested in writing for Clay, surely they got at least 12 good songs out of it.

Sometimes this fandom appears to subscribe to mass hysteria. (Of course this is the only board on which I would dare suggest this.) And I'm sure the tabloid stuff helped contribute to this. It just seems so counterproductive to think negative about something they have no control over. Since Clay's last blog said he was excited and happy about the cd, that's what I'm going to believe.

One of the things I have always liked about Clay is that he dares to be different. It doesn't always work out well for him, but he is a heck of a lot more interesting than your typical pop star. I don't care if he ever becomes a superstar, but I do wish he would get more respect for his talent and personality.

So good luck at the Coach store in the future bottlecap. The salesperson you had was not very smart obviously. Maybe next time you could let the hundred dollar bills peak out from your handbag.

Ansa, I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your posts at the CH. Way to stick to your guns.

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Hee. I also want extra karma credit for not grabbing the extremely young-looking mormom missionary boys who just came to my door by the ties and knocking their heads together and blaming them personally for inflicting Carmen and PenBoi on the unsuspecting American Idol viewing audience, and then voting en masse to keep them on longer then they should have been. (Deep Breath)

I am enjoying the TV speculation. Unfortunately, I've never seen Project Runway, so I have nothing to contribute to that discussion. I am, however, working on a treatment for NBC's hottest new comedy, My Name is Earl. It features Clay as Joy's brother who has become successful replacement window salesman, married a former pagent contestant, and has just had the set of twins he always wanted. I just have to figure what wrong Earl needs to right, and also find a way to end the show with Clay standing on top of the bar singing "Suspicious Minds" with Crab Man doing back-up.

FearofH2O, the Coach Store chickie did give me a catalogue, so I am currently researching which $148 bucket hat and which pair of $80 flip flops I want to get for any summer concerts I get to attend. <_<

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Evening everyone,

Okay Bottlecap, sorry you had such a bad day at the Coach store. You should have told Ms. Nicey Nicey sales girl to kiss you A$$ all the way to the bank. <_<

I took your suggestion and looked online for my summer concert series attire. I chose the Dalia sneakers (brown-because of Clays shoes at the JFN2 tour) for 80.00 and the Signature Fedora (to match the brown shoes) for 128.00. I can't see myself in flip flops :P (even for OMC).

I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

G

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