Couch Tomato Posted July 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 Muski I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I'm glad you made that first step. It's going to take time but you'll get there. There is so much important stuff coming up in yor lives with your girls...but you and Kenny also deserve some you time as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muskifest Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 And a sign that I have done the right thing and that Mom is now in the right place for her---on the way to work this morning my cell phone rang. It was the nursing home. Mom fell again this morning, this time she rolled right out of her bed. She told them that someone was pushing her and she fell. She's okay. So now they'll have round-the-clock observation of her---she had already had a 'sitter' with her from 8 am to 8 pm. (And thankfully, that service is paid for by the nursing home/Medi-Cal)... I'm making calls today to my relatives back in North Carolina to let them know what's going on... Carrie and I went to see her yesterday and she was either talking with us (but not making too much sense---she makes up stories when she forgets what she wants to say) or looking absently around. Poor Carrie has a very hard time handling this and doesn't want to talk about it or listen to me explaining what's happening. I know she doesn't want to believe that the woman she sees now is the grandmother who was always with her from birth, loving her. They used to sleep together for years, for crying out loud. It's so sad. But...Mom's in the right place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmh123 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 Since Carrie is really into sports, she might benefit from the Coach's Playbook I linked before, even though she isn't actively involved in caring for her. Free download: http://www.alzheimersplaybook.com/. Or order a copy and just leave it lying around where she might see it. The Alzheimer's Society, which is such a fantastic organization, has an entire page of links and resources for kids and teens: Just for Kids and Teens. It includes links to websites, informational articles that don't talk down or assume because you're a kid you are stupid, a powerful short film, and more. The video there doesn't play through for some reason, but here's the YouTube link: . It's about a teenager with a Mom with Alzheimer's. Plus: easy to identify with the girl because she's frustrated with her mom. Minus: might feed fears that this will happen to you too (but that's a subject that could be discussed). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ausdon Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 My heart goes out to you Muski I so understand the feeling of having that heavy cloak lifted off you, I felt something similar after my first baby. Suddenly , after about six months, I got up one morning and thought "I'm back". I didn't realise at the time that I was gone but looking back I can see how I was not really myself. This feeling of lightness for you must mean that you really are doing the right thing and your body and mind knows it. Not to say you wouldn't wish it was different but just know that when that guilt-voice starts to nag that there are many of us who think you are doing a great job in a hellish situation. Sounds like you have a wonderful husband and daughters and I am trying to send good vibes to you all. :thbighug-1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muskifest Posted August 3, 2009 Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 jmh, thanks for the referrals to the Alzheimers' info. I've used their hotline twice now. I am on a daily mission to find some inner peace. Mom's behavior is as erratic as it can be. Alzheimers is truly a disease without any saving grace, in my opinion. The cruelty isn't only in the nature, the symptoms of the disease, but in the way it progresses. Mom's in that place where she can look around her and be aware that she is NOT home, that she doesn't KNOW the people who are with her and she feels abandoned, alone, forgotten. She cries all the time, I'm told. When it gets too bad, they call me and I talk with her and she asks me why she's there, why can't I pick her up and take her home, why she's still living. Kenny and I spent two hours with her yesterday, sitting outside the nursing home next to the water and talking and then riding around town. She was fine when we left. This morning at 6 am they called and she begged me to get her or to at least visit her. She didn't remember us being there yesterday. She said she wants to find a way to kill herself. That's disturbing, of course, but...my mom has said things like that for as long as I can remember. I have to keep reminding myself that my mother has been a 'miserable' person for most of her life, regardless of her situation. She has always lamented her lot in life and how unfair and sad life is. Now that it truly IS sad and 'unfair', her words finally have meaning, I guess. But...I'm trying to make my life NOT that way and to do that I have to live for NOW and the future---for me and my family--my husband and daughters. There is really nothing I can do to make life "good" for my mom. There has never really been anything I or anyone else can do to make her a happy person--the Alzheimers only emphasizes that now. My task is to somehow stop feeling guilty that she isn't able to be happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmh123 Posted August 3, 2009 Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 Muski, my mom has also always been unhappy, and truly nothing could make her happy. She also says she wants to die, but she doesn't mean it. Lately her mantra has been from Old Man River--tired of living but scared of dying. I think that's more honest on her part. And yes, it is a cruel disease. Your mom will get used to the place where she is now, and will soon be as happy there as she would be anywhere. It might be time to just stop catering to her emotions, no matter how badly you feel about her situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzgirl Posted September 24, 2009 Report Share Posted September 24, 2009 I thought this might be a useful alert on possible molestation of the elderly for those dealing with Alzheimer's issues: When the Mind Falters, Is Sex a Choice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djs111 Posted July 8, 2010 Report Share Posted July 8, 2010 Anyone here familiar with Cymbalta? side effects? Not for me, but issue with grown son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortyjill Posted August 30, 2010 Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 I came across this thread last night while looking around and I wish I had been on this board a lot earlier. I took care of my Grandma for about 10 years, the last 4 or 5 having been the worst. She had Parkinson's, diabetes, a bad heart, low blood pressure, depression, etc. She was very quick minded though, even if her body was failing her. She was also very demanding and put a lot of stress on me and my mom. She passed away this last July from heart failure and I'm just now beginning to start my life. I know what those of you here are going through in dealing with your parents and loved ones. It definitely takes a support group to get through these kinds of things and I'll be around to be a part of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmh123 Posted August 30, 2010 Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 I came across this thread last night while looking around and I wish I had been on this board a lot earlier. I took care of my Grandma for about 10 years, the last 4 or 5 having been the worst. She had Parkinson's, diabetes, a bad heart, low blood pressure, depression, etc. She was very quick minded though, even if her body was failing her. She was also very demanding and put a lot of stress on me and my mom. She passed away this last July from heart failure and I'm just now beginning to start my life. I know what those of you here are going through in dealing with your parents and loved ones. It definitely takes a support group to get through these kinds of things and I'll be around to be a part of it. I know what you mean about just beginning to start your life! It is so stressful to be a caregiver, and quite a lot of responsibility as well. You must be a very special person to take all that on when you should have been having a carefree childhood. My mom was pretty demanding too, even after her mind was mostly gone. I don't know if it'll be the same for you, but it took me a lot longer than I realized it would to recover. After my mom died, I thought I would charge forward to the next step in my life right away, but I found that it took some time to get over the stress and the memories of hard times and sad ones before I could really move on. And support? Oh yes. I don't know how I would've made it without the folks on this board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortyjill Posted August 30, 2010 Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 Thank you jmh123. In fact we moved about a month after she passed away and Mom (and I in fact) wish that we could have stayed at the house until we were comfortable leaving. But it is what it is, and we're where we are now. My next big step is to find a job so I can save some money and go to college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couch Tomato Posted August 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Good luck to you shortyjill. I feel fortunate not having had to post in this thread for awhile. Mom is doing so much better. And now she has a boyfriend and intends to travel LOL. It will be nice to have some time alone while knowing she is enjoying herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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