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Clay Makes a Commercial!


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Clay has been talked into being a spokesperson for Hershey Bars - his management firm has spent weeks telling him how much exposure he would get. (NO! not that kind!)....Clay has been arguing that it would be dishonest - because he cannot eat chocolate, or even worse, almonds, without experiencing extreme discomfort or even (gulp!) death!

He finally agrees, because the money is v. good, and Hershey has agreed to let him say whatever he wants; there will be no script.

Day of the shoot -

Clay looks into the camera, gives a totally out of place, but very satisfying, eye-fuck, and holds up a chocolate bar....he has been asked to speak just as he would at home, and told to just wing it, that he has such a way with words that the commercial would sound much more natural....

"Hey! Ah hear this chocolate bar is really good! Ah would take a bite of it myself, but it would prolly KILL me, or close to it!

It's true!

Ah might get such a bad stomach ache that Ah would collapse on the floor with pain!

Mah chest would hurt so bad that it would feel like Ah was hatching an alien!"

Off-camera, Hershey executives are wildly gesticulating, trying to get Clay's attention - as is his manager, and indeed his entire "team", except for Jerome, who is laughing so hard he can hardly stand.

The director tries to get the camera-man to stop filming - no luck there, he receives a sharp elbow to his ribs, and then is ignored - twenty-five women showed up this morning, wearing bucket hats and baggy clothes, claiming they were sent from the ad agency.

Not a ONE of them was telling the truth, but they all could demonstrate great skill with a camera, so the director chose one at random, and Jerome politely asked the others to leave.

As they filed out, muttering "bee-yotch", or some such word, Jerome stood by the door with his hand held out - each woman meekly dropped a memory stick in his hand, and he thanked them kindly.

No has ever found out what happened to the guy the agency sent.

An assistant (about 30 of those showed up that morning, clutching a bewildering assortment of baby brushes and hair products.....same drill, Jerome has gotten quite proficient at collecting tiny electronic bits and pieces) - the REAL assistant, who had threatened the imposters with bodily harm while waving a can of Aqua-net menacingly in their faces, handed Clay a Hershey Bar with Almonds.

Clay sunnily continues....

"And this chocolate bar here, with tree nuts?

It would kill me deader than a doornail!

Ah would swell up, and just stop breathing, and would certainly DIE if someone didn't inject me with mah Epi-Pen real quick!"

Amazingly, the camera travels down to the area of Clay's anatomy where an epi-pen would be stored in his pocket, should he have one handy. The camera just stays focussed there, until the assistant rushes over and adminsters a good smack to the side of the camera-person's bucket-hatted head.

Clay continues....

"But y'all should really try some, it prolly won't kill YOU!

Buy seven! Of each!"

And he throws another eye-fuck into the camera lens, which causes the camera-person to stagger. She manages to keep focussed, though, she is a veteran clack-gatherer, and is taking this one for the team.

The bewildered director yells "Cut!", and wanders off, wondering what the heck happened.

And sales go through the roof!

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:lol: This is the first post I read as I am a really new newbie. You are so funny. Please write more and more. I am still giggling and will print this out and show it to my family. Thanks for brightening my day as I am getting ready to go to the doctors. BTW, I am so hungry for a Hershey candy bar, I love them all and especially that spokesman (yum -- for him, not the candy.) I'm only about 100 miles from Hershey PA, so I think I'll get into my car and take a little trip. After I buy a hundred boxes, I will insist, loudly and clearly, that they chose OMC to do a commercial. Love and Laughter, Claywright :rolleyes:
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