Ladybug1950

So here's my problem. I have 3 grown children, all single, ages 34, 28 and 27. The oldest two live within 10 miles of home, the youngest is in Philadelphia. She moved there back in 2002 to go to med school, having gotten her 4yr degree an hour from home. We understand how intense med school can be and we left her alone, (she begrudgingly let us) visit her once a year and she came home at Christmas. She graduated this past June and is now doing her internship. She remains in Philly, she loves the area and has a boyfriend we all adore there. I know the Internship phase is just as intense, if not more so, then anything else she has done....but....she was not able to make it home for Christmas this year and we want to go out and see her in April. Not take up huge chunks of her time...just have dinner with her and the b/friend. This evening I sent her a text saying we were coming out in April and received one back saying that would not be a good time for her and she appreciates our understanding.

But I don't understand.

We don't call her, unless we haven't heard from her in a month. We text maybe once a month.

I don't know how to tell her...or if I should tell her, how hurt I am that we can't just come and take her to dinner. Personally if it were up to me, we would be going out and taking her to dinner every other month! But we don't. Once in her 2nd year of med school we called to say we were coming out to take her to dinner (she was leaving as soon as school was out to spend 6 weeks in Ecuador) and she thought it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard said, "That's an awful long way to come.....just for dinner!" Like we were nuts or something.

She has always been an overly independent spirit.

And the think that really irks me...she spent the evening having dinner with his family. Granted it was his belated b-day celebration....but it just made me feel worse.

Luckily we have met his family and they are terrific people....so that makes me real happy.

I'm wandering....sorry.

Any suggestions from anyone on how I should handle this? Abide by her wishes and get over myself? Let her know I'm hurt and would like more contact?

I seriously don't know what to make of this whole Internship phase.....like this month.....she is working Monday through Friday and is off on the weekends. Before this rotation she was working 12-14 hour days, 18 days in a row. I guess she doesn't know to far in advance what she will be working next....

Has anyone here gone through a similar thing and how did you handle it?