bottlecap

The scary thing is, he's such a dork that he could be serious about this comment. [coughHayseedcough]

Skatejoy, I love the "Sugar, Sugar" picture where Angela has the big smirk on her face (#10). She appears to be looking right at the camera and gloating just a bit. (No, I'm not jealous at all. I image it's a real burden to have Clay wrap his arms around your waist and sing over your shoulder night after night. Poor girl. Sigh.) I also really liked the picture of Daniel with the big grin on his face (#52). I wonder what goofy thing happened to inspire that reaction.

Isn't Pissy Clay the speciality of the infamous ValerieWP of the CH and CV? I've been scared to seek out her fan fic, because her regular posts can get a little "spicy", and I'm so shy and retiring. I could suggest a little scenario involving a clumsy prop assistant and a fan that gets set at too high a speed. The result - the navel picture the fans have always wanted to see (the next step up from the Rolling Stone cover shot), and a dented coke machine. Feel free to elaborate or change that in a way that suits your fancy. I guess used up all my stock of pissiness over the postings of a troll elsewhere last night, which I knew better than to read, but did anyway. Taking some time today to reflect on people with true issues and tragic losses in an ongoing way put my insignificant gripes in perspective. Hugs to those who especially need them on this day. (Well the carbs from the pasta at lunch, along with a Midol may have helped my mood too. Sorry if that's TMI. )

Over the past couple of weeks, I've done some soul searching, and I've come to a rather startling conclusion about myself. I feel like we've all gotten to know each other a little bit, so I'm going to share something personal with you all, and I hope you don't judge me too harshly. I've have discovered I'm a bwah-whore. Sadly, it's true, and you all are just enablers. txflwrgrl, this is the long dark road you are headed down. It involves spending your days and part of your nights compulsively checking the boards for possible material. You start making little notes of phrases you want to use. You end up hunched over the keyboard for hours at a time, writing, re-writing, spell-checking, previewing. You take a deep breath,and hit the "Add Reply" button. And then you wait. When is somebody going to read it? Will they think it's funny? Will they reply? And most importantly, will you get the much desired "Bwah"? You get the affirmation you crave, and soon need another hit. Sometimes you even go to another board to get it. If that board moves too fast for you to keep up with it all the time, you do a search for your screen name so can get your "Bwah's" faster. And you know what? I need another hit, so here goes: Forget the initials, I'm going straight to the screen names. Hope nobody objects to their portrayal. It's been a busy week at Casa Clayton, with activity going on all over the place. The addition of several FCA'ers to Clay's entourage has given Nick much more time to play shirtless basketball with Jacob. (Scroll down a bit here if you need some help picturing that. And speaking of Bwah's, I think this is the funniest Broad entry in recent memory.) txflwrgrl has shown that she has quite a knack for costume design, and has been spending considerable time with Clay to get just the right fit for those JNT Santa Claus red leather outfits. Jacob was proving to be less than happy with the elf costume, so Clay has had to gently remind him who signs the checks. Clay was also heard to mutter something about checking Justin Guarini's availability in November and December. Suddenly, Jacob became much more cooperative about the pointy hats and the shoes with the bells. diamondjake2001 and her sweet little puppy are big hits with Raleigh. Clay continues to be remarkably stubborn about the whole penguin as a pet idea, so dj is studying up on the care and feeding of aquatic avian species. She has also convinced Clay that if he is going to have a penguin, he is going to have to get over his fear of water, and suggests he start by spending time with certain members of his entourage in the hot tub. She offers to take the first shift. Anna Wintour met Clay at the Kenneth Cole show in New York, and was highly impressed. (Duh, the Devil may wear Prada, but she is still a female.) Wintour wants to do a huge cover feature on Clay for an upcoming issue of Men's Vogue. Clay has insisted that his personal still photo team of buzztechie and Skatejoy do the shoot. After looking at their portfolios, Wintour screams: "Forget about Annie Leibovitz - this team must do all my covers!" Anyway, the shoot involves lots of clothing changes and head cocking, but because Clay is so comfortable with Skate and buzzie, no shoes are thrown. Ansa and couchtomato are working on extending the reach of Clay's media empire. Realizing the official site kind of sucks (except for the members' blogs, which rock and are totally worth the $30 a year fee), Clay has decided on a change of course. Going forward, Finding Clay Aiken is going to be the home of all the official news, exclusive pictures, video and audio clips,and Clay's blog entries. Not only that, Clay's blog entries are going to be done on a regular basis, and have, you know, some substance to them. Fifty2Thirty Productions even invests in a server farm, so there is always plenty of bandwidth. A grateful Clay Nation worships at the feet of Ansa and couchie, and the Clack flows freely. Seems like I'm forgetting someone. Oh, right, the shy, retiring bottlecap. She is working on a secret assignment. After fresh Clack, there is nothing that keeps the Clay Nation more happily buzzing than the appearance of a new mystery woman in Clay's vicinity. With some reluctance, bottlecap has agreed to play this role, even though it is extremely stressful. All that trailing around closely after Clay in public, the lingering touches, the confidential conversations... ("Does it look like he's nibbling on her earlobe in this picture, or is he just whispering something to her?", "Is her hand on his ass in this clip?", "Where did she get those great shoes!!!") It's a trying assignment, but bottlecap is willing to take one for the team, Sweet dreams, y'all!

txflwrgrl, does this make us the skit writing equivalent of the Skatejoy / buzztechie photo team? Kewl!!! I've kind of lost track of the pins I ordered, so every trip to the mailbox is little adventure. Today, I got the ClayTrain Back for More Jacket pin. It looks really cool, and makes a great momento of the JBT. I see there are some more pins on that page, with that oh so handy PayPal Buy Now button. I also got some funky jewelry I ordered from the store on The Hunger Site. (Ordered on Tuesday, and mailed from Washington State, arriving in Ohio on Saturday. An example of good customer service, something the Clique Online Store seems to be completely and totally clueless about.) Anyway, if you're not familiar with the Hunger Site, take a second to check the website out. Each day, you can click on a button, and the advertisers on the site will donate food. There are related tabs for health, literacy, and environmental sites. It only takes a few seconds, and hopefully does some good. I have been very happy with the jewelry I've ordered from the store - most of the pieces are very reasonably priced, and are certainly unique. I'm still waiting for my Collegiate Standard AI issue (with the article that caused all the talk show furor), and I'm of course still gnashing my teeth over my order from the Clique online store. The OFC threads about this makes me think that Clique's motto is "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Order Here". Has anybody here received anything yet?

txflwrgrl, I would tell you how I can absolutely picture that scene in my head, but all the breath left my body, my ovaries exploded, and I am dead...... More, please.

couchie, I came up with a couple of possibilities for you: You used it in a ceremony honoring Clay's musical Muse, and as a reward, she provided the Aiken Ass Clack. [some divine being certainly deserves credit for that priceless moment.] You planted it on some annoying underage KCE'ers and got them busted. They spend the night in juvie, with inmates that don't look anything like Ryan Atwood. You accidently took it on the plane, where it blew up. You are now suspected of being a terrorist and are on your way to Guantanemo Bay. See, was that so hard?

I am thinking about adopting the personal motto "Will Write for Clack". How 'bout a little tome I posted at Claversity the other day to tide you over? [I can tell that you guys are already sorry you asked... I'd like to remind you that in real life, I'm an accountant with a limited supply of creativity.] The Jukebox Tour has been over for several days now. Clay has had time to head home to Raleigh, and among other things, get caught up on laundry (haha), check out the new home's construction site (maybe?), and kick Clique's online store delivery system into gear (grrrr - that's a subject for a ranting post at another time). I've had time to come up with a number of questions about touring, just for fun. [i realize the questions should all be in the past tense since the tour is over, but I'm not going to fix them, so just play along. ] When the bus pulls into each new venue, does Clay feel a little buzz of excitement, or does he grumble a little bit about having to turn off his computer, roll out of his bunk, and go to work? At the sound checks at the outdoor venues, is Clay aware of the ears that perk up, the necks that stretch and crane, and the rapid phone calls that are made? ("OMG, it sounds like a new song!") How does Clay spend his time at each venue? We've seen pictures of the roll coaster rides and penguin visits, but what else does he do each afternoon? Is he plotting new pranks with Nick and Jacob, working on the sound of the new CD with Jaymes and S'von, or talking on phone and e-mailing simultaneously? What does Clay think about the line of eager Meet & Greeters before the show? Does he watch them primp, bounce and whisper before he gets of the bus and takes his place behind the table? And what exactly is it that he does that makes so many perfectly sane and intelligent females lose their short-term memory in his presence? When it's time for the show to start, and the weight of the black leather jacket settles on Clay's shoulders, does he get a little knot of nervousness in the pit of his stomach or is he excited about hitting the stage? When he makes his entrance and surveys the crowd from the top of the steps, what does he see? Is it a sea of screaming faces and camera lenses, or does he see individuals? Is he scanning for potential Car Wash volunteers right away, so he can gage reactions as the set progresses? Is he really relieved when he completes the shoe change / piano solo successfully, or is a little bit of acting involved? The change for the Sixties set seems like it has the most potential to get screwed up due to the timing of the recorded voice track. Does Clay ever worry about being ready to pop through the clothing rack on his cue? How can he sing and do the McCartney head bobble without getting a little dizzy? Even though we've heard Clay exclaim: "Ya cain't pull one over on me!", is he secretly pleased when Angela and Quiana try to pay him back for his "Sugar, Sugar" pranks? Why do we scream so loud when the Pips turn in circle, and switch microphones? (And why did I allow myself to be distracted by the constant stream of photographers in the aisle, so I missed both those moments at the concert I went to?) How many times did Clay look into the mirror when he was wearing the white suit, and strike the Saturday Night Fever pose, while Mary rolled her eyes and sighed in the background? Whose idea was the Smurf lighting for "Mandy"? Did Clay and Angela have to train to do the DC dips, which would seem to require quite a bit of strength and balance, or did they start out as a spontaneous (and extremely hawt) move? Are the "Never Gonna Give You Up" arm swoops intended to simulate a speed skater's sprint to the finish line, and is it just me that gets the giggles over those moves? Raise your hand if you have to sheepishly admit that you might still have one of those brightly colored business suits in your closet, and raise your other hand if you have tried to learn the Running Man along with the Clack of Clay and Jacob. Have you whispered "Thank you, Jesus" from time to time when you've watched the Clack of "Living La Vida Loca"? Does Clay forget the words to his own songs because the end of the show is in sight, and he is looking forward to his post show bowl of peach ice cream? How cool is it for Clay to look out and see all the pumping arms during "Back for More"? Is he gratified by the enthusiastic response each of the back-ups and band members gets during the introduction section, and is he pleased that he is responsible this great group of people getting perform together? (And is Clay ever worried by the number of paychecks he is actually has to sign?) And finally, the love the audience beams back up at Clay during "Invisible" must be palpable. All those upturned faces, all those voices singing along, and all the swaying arms has to be quite a sight from the stage. Do you think Clay misses that nightly affirmation of affection yet? Does he miss us? Or is he confident that we are still out there in the dark, connected through cyberspace and the unending stream of Clack, beaming our love back at him from a distance while we count done the days until we get to do it all again?

Skatejoy, I have some thoughts rolling around in there somewhere about what the gang is up to now, but great art takes time. [And so do goofy little sketches that take a surprisingly long time to write, even though they only turn out to be a few paragraphs long.] Based on the hints in her blog, I'm speculating that couchtomato ended up splitting the can of beer and bottle of wine with her new bestest friend Quiana. Dish, Ms. Tomato - we want to know the full scoop!

As a matter of fact, Tyra Banks is premiering a new daytime talk show this fall. Couch Tomato (TM your pasty white boyfriend), how long before I get to find out how the alcohol fits into your Clayventures?

bottlecap has just had a lovely pm from videographer extraordinare, Scarlett, regarding future Toledo Clack. There is certainly the potential for the addition of an offical videographer at Casa Clayton, to complement the highly skilled still photo team. bottlecap must sleep on this idea, and wishes all a goodnight. [Geez, that third-person stuff is getting annoying isn't it? I'll put a stake in it going forward.]

We rejoin the gang at Casa Clayton. H/P is wondering around, clicking away, having somehow convinced Clay that his every waking moment (and some sleeping moments, but he doesn't know that) needs to be documented for posterity. (Does H/P need an assistant? Whatcha got for me, buzztechie?) CF has been added to the payroll of Fifty2Thirty Productions, and has become a trusted adviser (with benefits). Various other members of Clay's entourage, band and crew are wondering around, and discussions about the Joyful Noise II show are underway. One thing is for sure. Because Ohio fans are just the best fans eva, the schedule is going to heavily favor that state, particularly the northwest corner. Perhaps a whole week of shows in the lovely Valentine Theatre? Too much? Maybe three shows in the breathtaking Peristyle at the Toledo Museum of Art? How about one night in the Stranahan Theater? (Please, please, please - bottlecap ain't driving to Detroit or Cleveland in the dead of winter.) [Disclaimer: This is just wishful thinking on my part. I don't actually know anything about the JNT schedule.] Ahem.... Anyway, everyone has an opinion about what should be included in the Joyful Noise Tour. Mary doesn't care what the theme is, she is just encouraging frequent, labor intensive costume changes by the Aiken. Amber has made a reappearance, and is lobbying for a show that once again requires the services of a choir wrangler. Maureen is worried that there will be actual horn players, and her kickin' keyboard skillz will not be required. A Nutcracker theme was briefly considered, but was quickly rejected because the crew guys couldn't stop snickering, and Nick made one too many codpiece jokes. After his avian encounter at the Toledo Zoo, Clay had initially been keen to incorporate a chorus line of penguins in the show. It was quickly determined that penguins have no sense of rhythm, and even more critically, lack knees. Taking another tack, a miniature train was set-up to transport the penguins around the stage, with Raleigh in place as the engineer. Tragically, penguins suffer from severe motion sickness, and the crew members vehemently protested at having to clean up the regurgitated herring. The current idea of a Tropical theme was inspired by the matching Hawaiian shirts Clay came across while packing. CF agrees that Angela and Quiana would look lovely in coordinating sarongs, but she makes an important point. While some of Clay's fans are known for their colorful attire and faithfully follow him around the country, he is not, in fact, Jimmy Buffet, Cargo shorts and flip flops are probably not going to go over with a Christmas crowd. CF sighs wistfully over the thought of being able to purchase a variety of margaritas at the concession stands, and moves the conversation along. The next idea involves an staging a Cirque Du Soleil style acrobatic extravaganza. CF takes a very long moment to consider Clay's reputation for being very bendy, and the implications of his ability to contort his body into various unusual positions. The theme does allow for the prospect of Clay making his big entrance by swinging in over the crowd on a trapeze. Unfortunately, the theme also brings up the possibility that the fans will take to forming human pyramids in order to get better Clack. Somebody's bound to fall and break a hip, and the lawyers put the kibosh on that idea due to liability issues. The next idea up for discussion is..... That's your cue to post your Christmas show ideas. Maybe some Canadian content? (bottlecap is not fluent in the hockey metaphors, but will attempt them if pushed. bottlecap is also willing to chase after lurkers in the pin threads and force them to post here.... )

I have been haunting All Things Clay Aiken, hoping for more videos from my Toledo concert. Tiffany has put up this message, which I find very encouraging: So if you're like me and depend on the public sites for your Clack, it's good know for sure more of the older stuff will be forthcoming. Hey, look at that! A post from me with actual content!

bottlecap remains firmly stuck in Ohio, and so alas is unable to play the role of CF. bottlecap is aware, however, of who has the power to kick her ass off the board, and is glad to cast the lovely and articulate couchtomato as one of our heroines. Besides, bottlecap has had an unfortunate glimpse of the herself in the Clack, and now knows what she looked like when three of our heroes passed by her in the aisle. She looked like a slack-jawed, glassy-eyed, frizzy-haired yokel, who was lucky she wasn’t actually wetting herself with excitement. Perhaps that was too much information? bottlecap apologizes for that lack of discretion. bottlecap also apologizes to KAndre for stealing her third-person schtick, but finds it to be very addictive, and now can’t stop. Skatejoy, if H/P doesn’t appreciate spending time with Raleigh, the cutest and sweetest little dog in the whole wide world, the following options are available to her (Taking a benadryl, and remaining at Casa Clayton; or Leaving in the backseat of a police cruiser with a restraining order pinned to her shirt and no memory cards in her cameras; or Joining Fran in the semi.) Of course, recasting is always an option – what’s buzztechie up to?

Screw it, the next installment is ready, and I'm posting it even though nobody is reading it. As a reminder, choose one of the options in the parentheses. A short time later at Casa Clayton: Jerome and H/P are happily ensconced in the media room, watching confiscated Clack on the plasma screen TV. Raleigh has wandered in and is sitting on H/P's knees, having taken quite a shine to her. This is because (Raleigh is a good judge of character; or Raleigh is intrigued by the faint whiff of coyote musk that remains on H/P's socks and hiking boots from her travels in the California hills.) Meanwhile, CF has noticed that none of the usual female members of Clay's entourage are hanging around Casa Clayton. Mary is taking a well deserved break from the "Boys on the Bus", and is currently enjoying a couple of weeks at a spa far away from clipboards, walkie-talkies, and ringing cell phones. The only guys around are the sultry cabana boy who brings Mary lovely tropical drinks, and Sven, the tall blond massage therapist who knows how to work out all the kinks. Mary is seriously considering adding Sven to the crew for the next tour. Jaymes is off meeting with Clive Davis and RCA, and is negotiating a huge promotional budget for the upcoming CD. Angela is spending time with her little boy, and is still kicking herself about ducking out of the "Sailing" kiss. Quiana is back with her musician friends in South Carolina, working on the concept for their next musical review. This will then be appropriated for JBTII. Maureen is hanging out with S'von and Felix, doing all those things they discussed in the JBT intro - bowling; going to the movies; taking in a ballgame. Fran is now working for Clique, and is currently traveling the country in a semi, slowly but surely delivering each individual order from the online store. Anyway, CF is no dummy, and realizes this is her opportunity to join Clay's posse. She considers her options carefully, and proceeds to make herself indispensable to each member of the group. CF makes a positive impression on Clay by (Helping him run lines for his return to "Scrubs" in an episode entitled "Kenny's Revenge"; or Filling in for Angela as Clay works on the choreography for "WDC", the Christmas version; or Squealing appropriately at the news that Avalon has a new CD out.) CF gets on the right side of Nick by (Not ratting him out to Clay when she finds Nick on the phone with Jimmy Kimmel, snorting over the fact that Clay totally bought into the fake "Scrubs" script; or Taking pity on a clueless male and picking out a lovely gift from "Uncle Clay" for Andy Abad's new baby; or Having a conversation with Nick that doesn't include any of the phrases: "We love Clay", "Where's Clay", or "I have to meet Clay, or I'll just die!".) Jacob is especially vulnerable to flattery, and CF wins him over by (Confiding to Jacob that "Rock with Me" was the highlight of the JBT: or Letting Jacob teach her how to do the Running Man; or Offering to polish his saxophone.) Jerome Jr. is wary, and requires more finesse. CF reaches him by (Shyly telling JJ how sexy she finds bald men; or Helping JJ with the tedious process of matching screen names with real names so "The List" can be updated; or Offering to drive the getaway car while the rest of the crew toilet papers Kathy Griffin's house.) There's never a dull moment at Casa Clayton. What future adventures await H/P and CF?....

Of course, we can't leave our poor, disoriented Hiker / Photographer all alone at Casa Clayton. Perhaps, under Jerome's kind attention, she recovers just enough to call a nearby California message board friend to come and pick her up. (I am currently accepting bids for the role of California Friend - pins and Clack only please.) Anyway, California Friend arrives. However, Jerome remains concerned about H/P's well being, and suggests she continue to rest while he brings her cool drinks and confiscated Clack, which seems to help her with her disorientation. Clay has been raised as a true Southern gentleman, so he offers California Friend some refreshments (Your Choices - Sweet Tea, 2% milk, peach ice cream, day old Krispy Kremes.) CF determines that, unfortunately, it will be a while before H/P is able to leave, and politely offers to help Clay and company with packing for the big move back to Raleigh. This gives CF an opportunity to (Choose one: Study the shoe collection; "accidently" misplace the fugly NAT/UPS blue maternity shirt; rifle through the underwear drawer) .....

Skatejoy: For the right price, I could expand the basketball scenario to include a poor lost hiker / nature photographer who stumbles out of the hills outside Casa Clayton. She desperately needs a drink of water, and a cool place to lie down and recover...

Couch Tomato, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has practice conversations with Clay in my head. (And I didn't have the prospect of a M&G as an excuse, either!) Skatejoy: I saw that picture on LBFCA. Who knew what was being concealed by those bulky polo shirts?! I may have to revise my scenario a little: From the pictures, I believe Casa Clayton had a basketball court. Perhaps a shirts vs. skins basketball game with some combination of Clay, Nick, Jerome Jr. and Jacob took place there? I'll throw Jerome in as referee for your benefit, Skate . Hummm...

A fairly cute story in the Toledo Blade about two teenage fangirls attending their first concert - Clay at the Toledo Zoo. I loved the girls' squeally enthusiasm, and the fact the term "Claymate" is only used once in the article. There is also a picture of Rockin' Robin Clay with a goofy expression on his face. Ansa, I have to admit my curiousity got the best of me, and I clicked on the house tour link that a hatah posted at TWoP. The house didn't looked lived in to me, and I agree with some of the discussion elsewhere that it may have been furnished by the realtor. There was a lot of equipment in the gym, though, which may explain how Clay is able to balance Angela with one arm. (Takes a moment to consider straining biceps and taut gluts, followed by various images of saunas, fluffy white towels, and massage tables. Um, I think I need to go watch some WDC footage.)

Sniff. I'm feeling a little melancholy this morning. After a month's time, you get used to it always being there, and forget it's only temporary. So, with a bit of a heavy heart, it time to say goodbye to........ Mr. August, Tux in the Grass. The pain is somewhat lessened the appearance of Mr. September, Blue Shirt on the Rocks. What, you thought I was feeling bad about the end on the Jukebox Tour? I've loved it, but there is so much Clack to sort through, I don't really feel like it will be over until it's time for the Christmas tour. I'm now looking forward to the appearance of the montages and the "Best of" lists for JBT. Who knows, I may even start watching TV again in the evenings. I have sadly neglected some plane crash survivors stranded on a mystery island.... If anyone's going to the last show in Atlantic City tonight, give Clay a few EEEEEE's from me!

Happy Birthday to ShelleyC Lutrell! Enjoy the next to last concert by your boyfriend(s?) tonight!

Welcome to claylove! skatejoy, happy birthday, and I hope the upcoming Joyful Noise tour allows you the opportunity to have many encounters with Jerome, none of which involve the confiscation of your memory card.

Yah for Couch Tomato Use Your Voice! So, which of you guys is really Quiana? And more importantly, are you willing to give us some backstage scoop? [seriously, I'd love to hear about how this show was put together, and how long they rehearsed it.] atinal, I agree with your travel comment. I hadn't even been willing to make the hour drive up to Detroit to see Clay before this, but since I've finally seen him live, I may have to change my position about roadtrips!

So, anyone heard from couchie yet about her meet & greet? And is it true that Finding Clay Aiken got mentioned at Meadowbrook? I haven't been able to figure out the context from what I've read at CH. Can someone clarify? A little late, but yah to Ansa and Shelley for your Toronto recaps! Ansa, were you like me before you saw Clay for the first time? In my heart of hearts, I wasn't completely convinced he was going to be as great as everyone said he was, and I was preparing myself to be a little disappointed. Instead, I was blown away, and had absolutely the best time ever.

AWoooo HOOOO! FCA rocks the East Coast! Happy Travels, y'all! Couchtomato, when you have your Meet & Greet, maybe you can offer to stream Clay's new album at FCA. I'm sure your servers could handle the traffic (for about five minutes!) Can't wait to hear all about the adventures you guys are sure to have! This post is brought to you by the National Association for Caffeine and Exclamation Point Addiction. AWoooo HOOOO!