jmh123

Hope you get some answers soon. :F_05BL17blowkiss:

Doing Clay a favor by doing the tour? Don't buy that for a minute. A whole lot of the time when a musician takes a gig, it's to make money, and I don't know of any reason to imagine it was any different in this case. Or it could be that, although they realized that Clay had to do what he had to do, they still felt sad that Jacob was going. Just some explanations that make sense to me.

Hey, love the new banner! Great job, cindilu!!

About time. You had me worried.

I was going to suggest this also. Have you checked into it? It was the first thing I thought of when I read your post this morning. That's what homeowner's is for IMO. Just wondering if you saw these posts, muski. Let us know.

Muskifest, I just remembered that when my mother had some pipes burst in her upstairs bathroom that caused the ceilings in the kitchen and her bathroom downstairs to fall in, her home insurance paid for the repairs. Have you looked into this? It would be great if all this mess you're dealing with were covered.

Couchie, you need help!! I guess you've asked your mother why she won't drive anymore. I don't suppose there's a social service available that will take someone out on errands? Seems like it would be such a huge relief to get her driving again, or find someone to drive her around. Ah, play, everything you say is true, but my mother is 94! Feeble, and feeble-minded. The days of bowling leagues and mall trips are past. She has allowed herself to become more and more isolated. She used to have regular visitors from the church, but she can't remember anymore who comes or when anymore. I'm afraid that people don't come as often because they're grossed out by the smells, or don't know how to deal with her repeating herself or forgetting what they just talked about, but I know people do come still, and people do (or did) invite her to things, but she often backed out (like they show up and she won't go), so she isn't getting asked much anymore. She used to go help out the church secretary a lot, but now that she can't walk over, she doesn't do that anymore. I think part of the problem is she's afraid she'll have an accident of the bathroom variety. She has Depends, but she refuses to use them. And has accidents, which is part of the issue in the house. So I'm her social life, along with my sister, and a few visitors. I try to get her out as much as I can. Going out to eat is good because it entices her to eat, as well the benefits of getting out of the house. So we both encourage that. I take her to have her fingernails and toenails cut--she likes that. I've tried to get her to go shopping--she hasn't had new clothes in 20 years, but she won't go. I took her right to the store, but she wouldn't go in. She has a laptop and is on the computer a lot, but lately I don't think she understands stuff real well. E-mails we send her don't seem to register. She used to be on genealogy forums, long before I was ever on the boards, and correspond with all kinds of people. Scrabble is the #1 self-improvement activity in her life--I play with her whenever I go. My sister says it's the best thing I do for my mom. I make her spell words correctly and only rarely allow her to cheat. I make her add her own score, unless she really can't do it on a particular day. I can tell that it really does make a difference in her mental state. It comes back to couchie's thing about parenting your parents. I don't know how to make her do stuff, and she's stubborn about being told what to do. I'm sure, couchie, that you'd love to just make your mother drive again, but it ain't that easy. Play, I think your previous idea about a companion for a few hours a day is the way to go. I'm trying to talk my sister into it now. Then we'd have to talk my mother into it, but I think I can do that. I remember when my aunt got senile and stopped eating and washing her clothes, my parents arranged a companion for her. My aunt threatened her with a knife--that was the end of that. She then got thrown out of a couple of nursing homes for attacking other patients, but they eventually found a place that was really good with her. Compared to that, my mom is easy.

Thank you--how fascinating. LKL--he was amazing during that interview wasn't he? Such a classy guy. I agree about ATDW. The vocals and musical arrangements are amazing. I love the album myself!! :F_05BL17blowkiss:

{{{luckiest1}}} - yeeecchh what a mess! My brother's useless, but he lives 5 miles from me and 30 miles from her (he's been there twice this year, maybe 3 times), and doesn't have personal issues to add to the problems. So sorry about your mom's starting to show those signs--I hope she can keep it together a long time. While you can express sympathy to your sister-in-law, I think that's really all you can do. Neither you nor your mother can "fix" your brother and shouldn't have to try--that's the sad truth. It's helpful just to know that we're not alone in dealing with these caregiver issues.

I know, I know. What is it about that stance that is like an aphrodisiac?? I love the way the pants legs hang over the boots, and the angle of that foot. RAWR!!!

The house--no, it's a case of not caring. My sister just doesn't care about cleanliness, repairs, and the like, and my brother, well, it amounts to not caring, at least enough to do anything. I think part of the problem is that they've been around all along, while I was living somewhere else for a long time, so things just strike me more acutely than them. And when my mother was responsible, she wouldn't choose to do anything about anything either, so that's the way it's always been. My dad did everything himself, repaired appliances, roof, everything, and he's been gone 15 years. I think he might've done a lot more cleaning that I realized too, given how bad it got after he died. My mother just got feeble in the last few years, and right after my father died she had the upstairs repainted and fixed up, but hasn't done anything since. So there is money to do stuff, but I'm the only one who would like to see money spent to fix up the house. Also, having workmen in the house disturbs and disorients my mother now. When things get to the stage of having to be done, like when there was a leak and the ceiling fell in the kitchen and her bathroom, she really didn't like having the workmen there and complained about it endlessly. I don't get the attachment to a house coupled with the lack of desire to fix things up, myself. I only lived in the house for about six months as a kid, before I went off to college. Both my brother and sister lived there years longer. But still--I don't get it. They think it's an investment. They want to keep the house and rent all the rooms to college students, as it's two blocks from NC State. About half the old houses on the street are rented to students. I've already made it clear than they're on their own with that. My mother's had a tenant from time to time, upstairs, for a long time. She has two right now, but they don't pay her and they don't do shit, so I really don't get it. One just stays there one night a week or so, and sometimes has out-of-town guests stay there, and she thinks he hangs the moon. The other is a former tenant who talked his way back in for the summer and has been a pain in the rear. I'd like to take a bulldozer to the whole place, myself. The land is valuable, but the house, not so much. IMO. So yeah, if things don't improve, I'm going to have to put my foot down, but I'll wait and see if my brother-in-law's involvement makes a difference. I was talking to my sister today and she wanted to know if I'd told mama's yard guy to stop coming (???) and I said, you know, what is really needed is work on the inside of the house. She already has somebody to do the yard. If my brother-in-law is just going to take over the yard work, then whoopee. Grrrrrr. More venting.

Welcome! Please tell us more about this next time you post in the Main thread. I love hearing about new discoveries of Clay. Keepingfaith was captured by Clay on AI5 and is going to her first concert this summer too.

YAY couchiemom!! YSRN!! Love the quotes, and the siggie!! My first (PictureTrail): YSRN will remember that, and probably the name we had for it. A fave: Another: Hawtest evah: and: First siggie I ever made (should look familiar): Today's version (thanks to Invisible926):

Thinking about this thread today--couchie's mom at the hospital and being at my mom's today. I read all the posts and thought, wow, really interesting thread. My sister's been in charge of my mother's meds and doctors and so forth, but my mother's basically healthy in every way. She takes Zoloft and something for her thyroid, I think. I thought there was a bone strengthener, but I've only noticed two prescriptions, seems like, lately. Compared to couchie's, my problems seem teeny. I don't live with my mom, she's hardly ever sick, she's part blind and part deaf, but she can see well enough to see the Scrabble board and still beat me sometimes, and she communicates fine one on one. She can walk, feed and dress herself (in a robe), go to the bathroom, and get to bed and out again no problem. She's just really old, and getting senile. She doesn't remember stuff, she gets confused. And she's not taking good care of herself. Seems like we're constantly watching her these days to see how much longer she can live on her own. This week she's wobbly and in a fog, but usually she snaps out of it. I think her diet has a lot to do with these swings and am advocating for someone to come for a few hours a day as y'all suggested. My sister was against it at first, but she might be rethinking it. My mother keeps asking me to move in, but I just can't live there. Her house is filthy and smelly and gross. It hasn't been deep-cleaned in like forever. Probably 15 years or more. It's old. It's huge. It needs new plumbing, wiring, everything. Everyone else is opposed to doing any major work in the house, including my mom. I wouldn't mind moving myself and my mother into a larger place (no room in my apt), but everyone's opposed to that too. My brother and sister want to hold onto the house even after my mother has to move to a nursing home or dies, and rent it out, and they're not interested in fixing it up ever, even though it's a pit. I spend hours every week cleaning and washing and shopping, and I can just keep up with the basics. My mother is doing less and less for herself. All she wants to eat is mixed nuts and ice cream and she's slovenly and lazy, she won't bathe or brush her teeth, even though she's quite capable of it physically. Her personal hygiene sucks lately, and again, I'm the only one who seems to think this is an issue. (OK, I'm exaggerating for effect, but things are not optimal.) It's hard sorting out when my mother is really not well and when she's crying wolf because she's lonely or needy or whatever or just wants to be waited on because she likes to be waited on. Not that I don't sympathize, but the neediness and so forth is normal for her, even when she was perfectly healthy, and you can't completely cater to it. Nagging worked for awhile, but then it became a battle of wills, so I had to give that up. In a nutshell, I guess my brother and sister think my mother is responsible for herself and she's playing me, and if she won't do this stuff, so what? But I think she should be clean and have clean clothes and a clean bathroom and clean dishes and so on, and if she won't do it, someone should. Until the last few years my mom's always been very competent, regular in her mealtimes and bedtimes and she's always eaten a balanced diet. One of the reasons I came back here is because I could tell she was deteriorating, but I think she needs more than I've been doing for her, or could do for her. I think we need some help with some of the caretaking, like maybe from someone who knows how to encourage personal hygiene and good diet and so forth, a neutral party. My sister's husband's going to be available in a few weeks to start helping out. He's still young and energetic, and he used to do a lot of work around her place, but he's also a bit of a jerk. Hard to say what we can expect from him yet, but I'd be pleased if he decided to tackle some heavy cleaning. My sister's office just moved today, and it'll be even more convenient for her to get to my mother's too. So I guess we'll just keep doing this one day at a time and see what happens. Meanwhile, I'm coping with hot summer weather pretty well, in my first summer in the south in a decade. I'm getting my car air-conditioner fixed Friday cause down here you've got to have AC in your car. Today it was 96, 97, something like that. Luckily mine kind of works--it's lame, but it helps. Driving back and forth today was hot. My mother's house was hot. But I wasn't too miserable. The kitchen is the hottest room, and also the worst mess for me to clean. She can't be bothered to rinse dishes or even always get to the sink with them. There's mold growing in stuff and the place reeks, so the first thing I always do is clean the kitchen. The grossest place is the basement where I have to do laundry. Really scuzzy. Something couchie said in the main thread a week? ago about parenting our parents really rang a bell with me. So true. And I've never parented anyone before, so I have zero experience. Here's this woman I've been terrified of most of my life, and now I have to figure out how to get her to behave and do the things she's capable of doing to take care of herself. I have to convince her to care about anything. She's like a sullen teenager headed for 2 year old territory. Well, that was pretty rambling, but mostly I think I needed to vent. Of course I'll appreciate any ideas and shared experiences.

I love you guys.

{{{couchie & mom}}} Huge good thoughts!!!

:Tour3: :Tour3: :Tour3: Wheeeee!!!! Just had to say that.... I pulled up a map of Canada to look at some of the places y'all were talking about. I learned a couple of things. Ya'll aren't as far away as I thought as the crow flies--but the geography looks somewhat isolating. In my mind Nova Scotia and New Brunswick are like practically at the north pole. But OMG if you keep hitting that North arrow Canada just goes on and on and on and on and on til dizziness and disorientation begin to set in. There's a whole lot of northern Canada. I lurve listening to y'all talk Canada.

I love it. Don't you love it? (I'm sure it isn't the case at the moment that he has an orchestra, mind you; it's just that no local orchestra from that venue has been signed up yet, or the venue committed an act of omission, or whatever. But someday? Hmmmmm.) You know I read somewhere that 'between soft rock and a hard place' was secret code that he'd like to be a rock star but can't because Clive mandated covers and Clay's stuck with them for this tour. Alrighty. My interpretation is that he meant what he said--he's going to put a little rock into it (a large little rock of course, cause Clay's rock is large). It won't be boring, that's for sure. I love to see Clay breaking down every possible stereotype.

One of my all-time favorite Clay performances as well. Just amazing! I might have to go and watch that again now.

I agree--I think Clay prefers the slower pace, and to have time for UNICEF and BAF. I love this....and so true. Word to all of this! Whoever runs that site has amazing design skills! Thanks for sharing that beautiful poster and your story. Oh yeah! And a huge fat WORD to clayzedover for an amazing post!!! YAY playbiller and keepingfaith and couchtomato and all the great posts on this topic. FCA (soft) rocks!!!

I don't remember merch ever being available before the tour. Yup. Especially if you make your promo all about Clive being the bad guy. Gotta have a really great album to pull that off.

Something that ties to Clay. Clive's judgment about Kelly's album seems to have been correct in the eyes of many of Clay's fans. So..... My opinion? Clay's album was probably better than Kelly's, but still not "commercial" enough. Clive's ideas to make it more commercial probably sucked. Clay was smart not to make a big deal about his arguments with Clive in his PR. Clay's fans should've followed his lead. ATDW was sabotaged by the fans "protecting" Clay more than by Clive. JMHO.

Good point, play. I didn't think about the dates. This will definitely cost her.

I think they'll rebook in smaller venues and be able to use the merchandise. Wonder if the album will still be released as is, or if that will go on hold too. Seems clear from the HDD blurb that the promoters stood to lose more if the show did go on: HDD. S'OK, play. If I weren't in a permanent state of confusion I could've figured it out more easily.

Luckiest1, be sure to get some full instructions on the move, as you might lose your playlists. I did this a long time ago, and can't remember if that happened or not, but when I was having some iTunes problems recently and talked to Apple support, they said the playlists wouldn't carry over. Seems like mine did, though, when I followed the instructions I found somewhere, but I can't remember. Now isn't that helpful? Yup, it's in the Vault under Online Media. There were so many mentions right around that appearance, it probably got lost i the shuffle. He's such a classy guy. I *heart* him. I'm utterly confused. The link doesn't work--I wait, but when it says it's ready to download, I get an error page. I looked under Online Media in the Vault, and there are twenty or so folders and I opened each one--don't see any file by this name. Don't see a Regis & Kelly folder there. Never mind--finally it allowed me to download. I'm getting part of an earlier R&K appearance that I remember, and can't connect this to Online Media at all. Still confused about that, but I did see this clip before on R&K. It wasn't after the show, it was during. AH, found the Clayboard thread. The 4shared file linked to is a 2004 interview from the show. The CB link (post has been edited) is to an online interview on send space following the most recent appearance: 061117_WTFC_PostR&K.wmv. Got it. Whew. It's under WTVD, but I'm not sure why, unless the filename is incorrect.