#1 - Ready for your constant state of celebration

[bottlecap]

We rejoin the gang at Casa Clayton. H/P is wondering around, clicking away, having somehow convinced Clay that his every waking moment (and some sleeping moments, but he doesn't know that) needs to be documented for posterity. (Does H/P need an assistant? Whatcha got for me, buzztechie?)

CF has been added to the payroll of Fifty2Thirty Productions, and has become a trusted adviser (with benefits). Various other members of Clay's entourage, band and crew are wondering around, and discussions about the Joyful Noise II show are underway.

One thing is for sure. Because Ohio fans are just the best fans eva, the schedule is going to heavily favor that state, particularly the northwest corner. Perhaps a whole week of shows in the lovely Valentine Theatre? Too much? Maybe three shows in the breathtaking Peristyle at the Toledo Museum of Art? How about one night in the Stranahan Theater? (Please, please, please - bottlecap ain't driving to Detroit or Cleveland in the dead of winter.) [Disclaimer: This is just wishful thinking on my part. I don't actually know anything about the JNT schedule.]

Ahem....

Anyway, everyone has an opinion about what should be included in the Joyful Noise Tour. Mary doesn't care what the theme is, she is just encouraging frequent, labor intensive costume changes by the Aiken. Amber has made a reappearance, and is lobbying for a show that once again requires the services of a choir wrangler. Maureen is worried that there will be actual horn players, and her kickin' keyboard skillz will not be required. A Nutcracker theme was briefly considered, but was quickly rejected because the crew guys couldn't stop snickering, and Nick made one too many codpiece jokes.

After his avian encounter at the Toledo Zoo, Clay had initially been keen to incorporate a chorus line of penguins in the show. It was quickly determined that penguins have no sense of rhythm, and even more critically, lack knees. Taking another tack, a miniature train was set-up to transport the penguins around the stage, with Raleigh in place as the engineer. Tragically, penguins suffer from severe motion sickness, and the crew members vehemently protested at having to clean up the regurgitated herring.

The current idea of a Tropical theme was inspired by the matching Hawaiian shirts Clay came across while packing. CF agrees that Angela and Quiana would look lovely in coordinating sarongs, but she makes an important point. While some of Clay's fans are known for their colorful attire and faithfully follow him around the country, he is not, in fact, Jimmy Buffet, Cargo shorts and flip flops are probably not going to go over with a Christmas crowd. CF sighs wistfully over the thought of being able to purchase a variety of margaritas at the concession stands, and moves the conversation along.

The next idea involves an staging a Cirque Du Soleil style acrobatic extravaganza. CF takes a very long moment to consider Clay's reputation for being very bendy, and the implications of his ability to contort his body into various unusual positions. The theme does allow for the prospect of Clay making his big entrance by swinging in over the crowd on a trapeze. Unfortunately, the theme also brings up the possibility that the fans will take to forming human pyramids in order to get better Clack. Somebody's bound to fall and break a hip, and the lawyers put the kibosh on that idea due to liability issues.

The next idea up for discussion is.....

That's your cue to post your Christmas show ideas. Maybe some Canadian content? (bottlecap is not fluent in the hockey metaphors, but will attempt them if pushed. bottlecap is also willing to chase after lurkers in the pin threads and force them to post here.... )

[Ansamcw]

Awww that is so cute bottlecap...wish i could write skits too...alas I am snark and smut impaired...

so do you have any ideas concerning the possible Everyday with Clay aiken daytime variety talks show?

Oh and Buzztechie...I was wondering how your bad pictures would look...and I was right your bad looks like everyone else's best...these are gorgeous...thanks for sharing.

[buzztechie]

(Does H/P need an assistant?  Whatcha got for me, buzztechie?) 

Um, I can be H/P's sherpa and tote her bags around for her. *g*

[Skatejoy]

After his avian encounter at the Toledo Zoo, Clay had initially been keen to incorporate a chorus line of penguins in the show. It was quickly determined that penguins have no sense of rhythm, and even more critically, lack knees. Taking another tack, a miniature train was set-up to transport the penguins around the stage, with Raleigh in place as the engineer. Tragically, penguins suffer from severe motion sickness, and the crew members vehemently protested at having to clean up the regurgitated herring.

Okay - I'm laughing so hard I hurt!!

Um, I can be H/P's sherpa and tote her bags around for her. *g*

She's looking for bribes, not good ideas. Perhaps some CDs of mp3s for your new friend?

[buzztechie]

She's looking for bribes, not good ideas.  Perhaps some CDs of mp3s for your new friend?

Crap, I forgot. So....how bout some nice MP3s of the Boston concert? Or a few pretty photos of Clay? Pretty please!

[bottlecap]

bottlecap has just had a lovely pm from videographer extraordinare, Scarlett, regarding future Toledo Clack. There is certainly the potential for the addition of an offical videographer at Casa Clayton, to complement the highly skilled still photo team. bottlecap must sleep on this idea, and wishes all a goodnight.

[Geez, that third-person stuff is getting annoying isn't it? I'll put a stake in it going forward.]

[Couch Tomato]

Buzztechie..if Clay ever decided to give up the pop star life he could make a very nice career for himself as a romance novel cover boy --- see Bendy Angela photo. And yes..would love mp3s of Boston. I'll be adding lots of audio this weekend to FCA.

Bottlecap: with benefits huh? From now on I will consider CF to be me. heee

I've been thinking about this tv show rumour -- which I don't think will be happening any time soon, if ever ... and I can't help it... I'd love to see what he'd come up with. Daytime TV needs a change of pace...hopefully something unique is being considered. And that's all the space I'll give that particular rumour.

New blog entry - Boston

Bottlecap: I need to get to Day 6. I should finish it all up by Sunday.

[bottlecap]

As a matter of fact, Tyra Banks is premiering a new daytime talk show this fall.

Couch Tomato (TM your pasty white boyfriend), how long before I get to find out how the alcohol fits into your Clayventures?

Edited September 9, 2005 by bottlecap

[Skatejoy]

Pics from the Kenneth Cole fashion show. How cool is it that he sat next to LeAnn Womack (she of I Hope You Dance fame)??

bottlecap - more installments of the tale??

[bottlecap]

Skatejoy, I have some thoughts rolling around in there somewhere about what the gang is up to now, but great art takes time. [And so do goofy little sketches that take a surprisingly long time to write, even though they only turn out to be a few paragraphs long.]

Based on the hints in her blog, I'm speculating that couchtomato ended up splitting the can of beer and bottle of wine with her new bestest friend Quiana. Dish, Ms. Tomato - we want to know the full scoop!

[Ansamcw]

Hey Bottlecap...no room for people from Canada in the skit...of course that also applies to Skatejoy...but hey...no pressure! Yup Ms. Tomato sure knows how to build suspense and anticipation.

Oh shit, the alchohol story ain't that good. I think I've written myself into a corner.

Loved your post Bottlecap.

[bottlecap]

I am thinking about adopting the personal motto "Will Write for Clack". How 'bout a little tome I posted at Claversity the other day to tide you over? [I can tell that you guys are already sorry you asked... I'd like to remind you that in real life, I'm an accountant with a limited supply of creativity.]

The Jukebox Tour has been over for several days now. Clay has had time to head home to Raleigh, and among other things, get caught up on laundry (haha), check out the new home's construction site (maybe?), and kick Clique's online store delivery system into gear (grrrr - that's a subject for a ranting post at another time). I've had time to come up with a number of questions about touring, just for fun. [i realize the questions should all be in the past tense since the tour is over, but I'm not going to fix them, so just play along. ]

When the bus pulls into each new venue, does Clay feel a little buzz of excitement, or does he grumble a little bit about having to turn off his computer, roll out of his bunk, and go to work?

At the sound checks at the outdoor venues, is Clay aware of the ears that perk up, the necks that stretch and crane, and the rapid phone calls that are made? ("OMG, it sounds like a new song!")

How does Clay spend his time at each venue? We've seen pictures of the roll coaster rides and penguin visits, but what else does he do each afternoon? Is he plotting new pranks with Nick and Jacob, working on the sound of the new CD with Jaymes and S'von, or talking on phone and e-mailing simultaneously?

What does Clay think about the line of eager Meet & Greeters before the show? Does he watch them primp, bounce and whisper before he gets of the bus and takes his place behind the table? And what exactly is it that he does that makes so many perfectly sane and intelligent females lose their short-term memory in his presence?

When it's time for the show to start, and the weight of the black leather jacket settles on Clay's shoulders, does he get a little knot of nervousness in the pit of his stomach or is he excited about hitting the stage? When he makes his entrance and surveys the crowd from the top of the steps, what does he see? Is it a sea of screaming faces and camera lenses, or does he see individuals? Is he scanning for potential Car Wash volunteers right away, so he can gage reactions as the set progresses? Is he really relieved when he completes the shoe change / piano solo successfully, or is a little bit of acting involved?

The change for the Sixties set seems like it has the most potential to get screwed up due to the timing of the recorded voice track. Does Clay ever worry about being ready to pop through the clothing rack on his cue? How can he sing and do the McCartney head bobble without getting a little dizzy? Even though we've heard Clay exclaim: "Ya cain't pull one over on me!", is he secretly pleased when Angela and Quiana try to pay him back for his "Sugar, Sugar" pranks? Why do we scream so loud when the Pips turn in circle, and switch microphones? (And why did I allow myself to be distracted by the constant stream of photographers in the aisle, so I missed both those moments at the concert I went to?)

How many times did Clay look into the mirror when he was wearing the white suit, and strike the Saturday Night Fever pose, while Mary rolled her eyes and sighed in the background? Whose idea was the Smurf lighting for "Mandy"?

Did Clay and Angela have to train to do the DC dips, which would seem to require quite a bit of strength and balance, or did they start out as a spontaneous (and extremely hawt) move? Are the "Never Gonna Give You Up" arm swoops intended to simulate a speed skater's sprint to the finish line, and is it just me that gets the giggles over those moves?

Raise your hand if you have to sheepishly admit that you might still have one of those brightly colored business suits in your closet, and raise your other hand if you have tried to learn the Running Man along with the Clack of Clay and Jacob. Have you whispered "Thank you, Jesus" from time to time when you've watched the Clack of "Living La Vida Loca"?

Does Clay forget the words to his own songs because the end of the show is in sight, and he is looking forward to his post show bowl of peach ice cream? How cool is it for Clay to look out and see all the pumping arms during "Back for More"? Is he gratified by the enthusiastic response each of the back-ups and band members gets during the introduction section, and is he pleased that he is responsible this great group of people getting perform together? (And is Clay ever worried by the number of paychecks he is actually has to sign?)

And finally, the love the audience beams back up at Clay during "Invisible" must be palpable. All those upturned faces, all those voices singing along, and all the swaying arms has to be quite a sight from the stage. Do you think Clay misses that nightly affirmation of affection yet? Does he miss us? Or is he confident that we are still out there in the dark, connected through cyberspace and the unending stream of Clack, beaming our love back at him from a distance while we count done the days until we get to do it all again?

[diamondjake2001]

Wow, I didn't realize how long I've been gone from here. I just caught up and I love the on-going skit. This :

After his avian encounter at the Toledo Zoo, Clay had initially been keen to incorporate a chorus line of penguins in the show. It was quickly determined that penguins have no sense of rhythm, and even more critically, lack knees. Taking another tack, a miniature train was set-up to transport the penguins around the stage, with Raleigh in place as the engineer. Tragically, penguins suffer from severe motion sickness, and the crew members vehemently protested at having to clean up the regurgitated herring.

made me laugh til I cried. You really have a gift bottlecap. I love all the questions you posed. I've had several of those thoughts myself especially how Clay can do Paul McCartney's head shake and sing so well. I mean it's one thing to have that natural mannerism but to learn to do it must be really really hard.

I also wonder how Clay felt before the first show at Tom's River. Did he wonder if we were still out here waiting for his return? Did he worry about how the fans would react to his Jerry Lee Lewis or Elvis or Ricky Martin? Would the fans laugh at his attempts?

I went to a Clay get together yesterday & we watched a dvd of the tour. What I want to know is why do we scream when Clay takes a step to his right during the Pip back-ups. I find it amusing but I bet Clay thinks it's hysterical.

During the AC 8/31 show when Clay scolded those who tried to steal his line during the 70's banter was priceless. Watching the clack from that is jaw-droppingly funny because he tells us to keep those hands up & we (or many of us) do it. We (or many of us) are so sheep when it comes to Clay's commands. I think it is one of my favorite concert memories. Hearing Clay scold us & explain to the JBT virgins that he ignores people who try to steal his punch line & then saying "You people who have been to more than 1 show, You know this! Don't steal my punchline!" I've been wanting him to do this from the first time I heard people yelling out. It was priceless! Now if he had just been able to scold the screamers during quiet songs or the yells of "Take it off" during WDC it would have been perfect.

I loved the last show's pranks. None of them seemed over-the-top. Though I would love to know how Clay managed to bite Angela's hand while Quiana was squeezing his nose & still be able to sing. The man has even more gifts than I thought. However, the absolute best one was the girls finally getting Clay back. He certainly looked like he had no idea that silly string attack was coming. The timing was perfect!

Loved you blog entries couchie, you are a wonderful writer.

buzzie & SkateJoy your pictures are, as always, amazing!

[bottlecap]

The alchohol story ain't that good.  I think I've written myself into a corner.

couchie, I came up with a couple of possibilities for you:

You used it in a ceremony honoring Clay's musical Muse, and as a reward, she provided the Aiken Ass Clack. [some divine being certainly deserves credit for that priceless moment.]

You planted it on some annoying underage KCE'ers and got them busted. They spend the night in juvie, with inmates that don't look anything like Ryan Atwood.

You accidently took it on the plane, where it blew up. You are now suspected of being a terrorist and are on your way to Guantanemo Bay.

See, was that so hard?

[Ansamcw]

The alchohol story ain't that good.  I think I've written myself into a corner.

couchie, I came up with a couple of possibilities for you:

You used it in a ceremony honoring Clay's musical Muse, and as a reward, she provided the Aiken Ass Clack. [some divine being certainly deserves credit for that priceless moment.]

You planted it on some annoying underage KCE'ers and got them busted. They spend the night in juvie, with inmates that don't look anything like Ryan Atwood.

You accidently took it on the plane, where it blew up. You are now suspected of being a terrorist and are on your way to Guantanemo Bay.

See, was that so hard?

BWAH!!!! My favorite is the KCE'rs in Juvie...

[Skatejoy]

Ooo - this is a fun game. Guess what happened to the alcohol.

- Night of fun for Couch Tomato with Jerome Jr. (you know you want him.... hee)

- That's what was in buzzie's blender after the Boston show

- The reason that Clay kept coughing when the lights went down in Boston? Couchie replaced his water with whatever as in those bottles....

- Consumed in A/C while trying to think up a skit involving bottlecap

next...

[Couch Tomato]

Oh no..now I might have to embellish LOL..but don't think I'll come up with anything better that those bottlecap.

[txflwrgrl]

Back at Casa Clayton...(bottlecap - hope you don't mind my adding to the story!) Clay and friends are still throwing around ideas for the Christmas Tour. Nutcracker is out, so are the penguins, and the acrobatic thingy. Everyone was coming up with all these wild, crazy ideas they think will keep the fans happy, but Clay is not happy with any of them. "No...No...No" he says. "It's got to be something really unique. I want my fans....especially my FCA girls....to scream my name with passion".

Finally, Clay has an idea he thinks will guarantee a packed house of screaming, fainting, drooling, (etc.) ladies. "Angela, Quiana, and Jacob will be dressed as elves.....no on second thought, just Jacob. Angela and Quiana will wear something red with white fur (fake fur, of course) and very sexy. And I will be Santa with a red leather jacket and tight red leather pants (okay.....this is me....the writer of this fantasy...and I have to take a moment to savor the thought of tight red leather pants...... oh my.......okay, back to the story) "With all the red leather I will of course, wear a white t-shirt. My gals all expect that and I like to keep them looking".

"In the past I have always brought someone on stage with me to sing or dance, but this time I will play Santa and have them sit on my lap and ask what they want for Christmas" (okay...this is me again......gotta think about this.....I'm brought on stage by Clay....he sits down on the steps.....I stare into those beautiful green eyes.....he tells me he heard I've been a very bad girl......and asks me to sit on his lap.....I sit and he calls me his darling.....okay, maybe he just said "oooommmmph!!!!".......but, this is my fantasy, so I'm sticking with "darling")

Clay all of a sudden changes his mind about having a fan sit on his lap and instead decides to sit on their lap. Oh yeah, baby!

[bottlecap]

txflwrgrl, I would tell you how I can absolutely picture that scene in my head, but all the breath left my body, my ovaries exploded, and I am dead......

More, please.

[txflwrgrl]

bottlecap ....glad you enjoyed my story! That was my first attempt at writing anything, but you inspired me with your writing.

Gotta go to work now and pay for my Clay obsession, but will see what other "scenes" I can come up with later. Oh.....and sorry about your exploding ovaries!

[bottlecap]

txflwrgrl, does this make us the skit writing equivalent of the Skatejoy / buzztechie photo team? Kewl!!!

I've kind of lost track of the pins I ordered, so every trip to the mailbox is little adventure. Today, I got the ClayTrain Back for More Jacket pin. It looks really cool, and makes a great momento of the JBT. I see there are some more pins on that page, with that oh so handy PayPal Buy Now button.

I also got some funky jewelry I ordered from the store on The Hunger Site. (Ordered on Tuesday, and mailed from Washington State, arriving in Ohio on Saturday. An example of good customer service, something the Clique Online Store seems to be completely and totally clueless about.) Anyway, if you're not familiar with the Hunger Site, take a second to check the website out. Each day, you can click on a button, and the advertisers on the site will donate food. There are related tabs for health, literacy, and environmental sites. It only takes a few seconds, and hopefully does some good. I have been very happy with the jewelry I've ordered from the store - most of the pieces are very reasonably priced, and are certainly unique.

I'm still waiting for my Collegiate Standard AI issue (with the article that caused all the talk show furor), and I'm of course still gnashing my teeth over my order from the Clique online store. The OFC threads about this makes me think that Clique's motto is "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Order Here". Has anybody here received anything yet?

[Skatejoy]

Thanks so much for the link bottlecap! I think you've just taken care of a chunk of my Christmas shopping. Okay, maybe some "me" shopping too.

[txflwrgrl]

I did it again......lost another post......hit something by mistake and POOF my post is gone......dang it!

bottlecap - don't give up yet on the Clique order. I ordered over a month ago and just got it yesterday. I got the JBT program and a keychain - since I didn't get to go to the concerts.

It's been a real slow pin week for me. I finally got a package today with 5 pins in it. I'm one of those still waiting....and waiting....and waiting.....on the MOAF and the MNClayFans pins. I'm trying to be patient, but 3 months is a long time.

Skatejoy and Buzztechie are a high standard to shoot for. I'm not sure my writing skills as part of a skit team would match up to their standards as photographers. Oh well.....you do the best you can. My problem is trying to be as funny as bottlecap.......it's just not possible.

[Ansamcw]

I am totally enjoying all the skits...txflwrgrl that sounds like a real hot idea...

That is a great site bottlecap...thanks a lot for the heads up.

oops I forgot the main reason for this post...I redesigned the pin gallery...we have the christmas pin section up...here is the new link. Please update your bookmarks.

[bottlecap]

Over the past couple of weeks, I've done some soul searching, and I've come to a rather startling conclusion about myself. I feel like we've all gotten to know each other a little bit, so I'm going to share something personal with you all, and I hope you don't judge me too harshly.

I've have discovered I'm a bwah-whore. Sadly, it's true, and you all are just enablers. txflwrgrl, this is the long dark road you are headed down. It involves spending your days and part of your nights compulsively checking the boards for possible material. You start making little notes of phrases you want to use. You end up hunched over the keyboard for hours at a time, writing, re-writing, spell-checking, previewing. You take a deep breath,and hit the "Add Reply" button. And then you wait. When is somebody going to read it? Will they think it's funny? Will they reply? And most importantly, will you get the much desired "Bwah"? You get the affirmation you crave, and soon need another hit. Sometimes you even go to another board to get it. If that board moves too fast for you to keep up with it all the time, you do a search for your screen name so can get your "Bwah's" faster. And you know what? I need another hit, so here goes:

Forget the initials, I'm going straight to the screen names. Hope nobody objects to their portrayal.

It's been a busy week at Casa Clayton, with activity going on all over the place. The addition of several FCA'ers to Clay's entourage has given Nick much more time to play shirtless basketball with Jacob. (Scroll down a bit here if you need some help picturing that. And speaking of Bwah's, I think this is the funniest Broad entry in recent memory.)

txflwrgrl has shown that she has quite a knack for costume design, and has been spending considerable time with Clay to get just the right fit for those JNT Santa Claus red leather outfits. Jacob was proving to be less than happy with the elf costume, so Clay has had to gently remind him who signs the checks. Clay was also heard to mutter something about checking Justin Guarini's availability in November and December. Suddenly, Jacob became much more cooperative about the pointy hats and the shoes with the bells.

diamondjake2001 and her sweet little puppy are big hits with Raleigh. Clay continues to be remarkably stubborn about the whole penguin as a pet idea, so dj is studying up on the care and feeding of aquatic avian species. She has also convinced Clay that if he is going to have a penguin, he is going to have to get over his fear of water, and suggests he start by spending time with certain members of his entourage in the hot tub. She offers to take the first shift.

Anna Wintour met Clay at the Kenneth Cole show in New York, and was highly impressed. (Duh, the Devil may wear Prada, but she is still a female.) Wintour wants to do a huge cover feature on Clay for an upcoming issue of Men's Vogue. Clay has insisted that his personal still photo team of buzztechie and Skatejoy do the shoot. After looking at their portfolios, Wintour screams: "Forget about Annie Leibovitz - this team must do all my covers!" Anyway, the shoot involves lots of clothing changes and head cocking, but because Clay is so comfortable with Skate and buzzie, no shoes are thrown.

Ansa and couchtomato are working on extending the reach of Clay's media empire. Realizing the official site kind of sucks (except for the members' blogs, which rock and are totally worth the $30 a year fee), Clay has decided on a change of course. Going forward, Finding Clay Aiken is going to be the home of all the official news, exclusive pictures, video and audio clips,and Clay's blog entries. Not only that, Clay's blog entries are going to be done on a regular basis, and have, you know, some substance to them. Fifty2Thirty Productions even invests in a server farm, so there is always plenty of bandwidth. A grateful Clay Nation worships at the feet of Ansa and couchie, and the Clack flows freely.

Seems like I'm forgetting someone. Oh, right, the shy, retiring bottlecap. She is working on a secret assignment. After fresh Clack, there is nothing that keeps the Clay Nation more happily buzzing than the appearance of a new mystery woman in Clay's vicinity. With some reluctance, bottlecap has agreed to play this role, even though it is extremely stressful. All that trailing around closely after Clay in public, the lingering touches, the confidential conversations... ("Does it look like he's nibbling on her earlobe in this picture, or is he just whispering something to her?", "Is her hand on his ass in this clip?", "Where did she get those great shoes!!!") It's a trying assignment, but bottlecap is willing to take one for the team,

Sweet dreams, y'all!