#1 - Ready for your constant state of celebration

[txflwrgrl]

Bwah!

Thanks so much for volunteering to be Clay's mystery woman. I don't know where he could possibly find anyone to fill that role. (me.....me....pick me!) And it's so kind of you to let him nibble on your ear and put your hand on his lovely rear that most of the time is hidden by those long shirts. bottlecap you are such a kind hearted soul, but if you are unable to fulfill you duties at any time I will be glad to sacrifice myself for the good of all.

[buzztechie]

BWAH Bottlecap!

Anna Wintour met Clay at the Kenneth Cole show in New York, and was highly impressed.  (Duh, the Devil may wear Prada, but she is still a female.)  Wintour wants to do a huge cover feature on Clay for an upcoming issue of Men's Vogue.  Clay has insisted that his personal still photo team of buzztechie and Skatejoy do the shoot.  After looking at their portfolios, Wintour screams: "Forget about Annie Leibovitz - this team must do all my covers!"  Anyway, the shoot involves lots of clothing changes and head cocking, but because Clay is so comfortable with Skate and buzzie, no shoes are thrown.

Is it to much to ask that Clay not be too comfortable with Skate and I during the photoshoots. I find pissy Clay rather HAWT! As long as he is pissy with someone other than Skate and I.... we just want to watch pissy Clay in action. *yum*

[bottlecap]

Isn't Pissy Clay the speciality of the infamous ValerieWP of the CH and CV? I've been scared to seek out her fan fic, because her regular posts can get a little "spicy", and I'm so shy and retiring.

I could suggest a little scenario involving a clumsy prop assistant and a fan that gets set at too high a speed. The result - the navel picture the fans have always wanted to see (the next step up from the Rolling Stone cover shot), and a dented coke machine. Feel free to elaborate or change that in a way that suits your fancy.

I guess used up all my stock of pissiness over the postings of a troll elsewhere last night, which I knew better than to read, but did anyway. Taking some time today to reflect on people with true issues and tragic losses in an ongoing way put my insignificant gripes in perspective. Hugs to those who especially need them on this day.

(Well the carbs from the pasta at lunch, along with a Midol may have helped my mood too. Sorry if that's TMI. )

[Skatejoy]

and I'm so shy and retiring

BWAH!!!!

Oh, that wasn't the kind of Bwah you were looking for???

Clay can get pissy at the photo shoot as long as I get to be the one who "talks him down". Hee...

Hmm.... this is fun.

[Skatejoy]

Postho'ing to drop off my Boston pictures.

Whole Album

Cutest thing evah

Oh Mandy

Hey You

Are Those Freckles?

Goofy Clay

Bendy Clay

Oh My

Angry Clay

Enjoy!!

With many thanks to the lovely Couch Tomato and LdyJocelyn for being so sweet as to take seats to the side to allow me to take these pics. You Rock!!!

[bottlecap]

Skatejoy, I love the "Sugar, Sugar" picture where Angela has the big smirk on her face (#10). She appears to be looking right at the camera and gloating just a bit. (No, I'm not jealous at all. I image it's a real burden to have Clay wrap his arms around your waist and sing over your shoulder night after night. Poor girl. Sigh.)

I also really liked the picture of Daniel with the big grin on his face (#52). I wonder what goofy thing happened to inspire that reaction.

[txflwrgrl]

Skatejoy - Those pictures are incredible....I love #5.....Clay is unbelievably sexy in that one and #8 with Angela......all I can say is.... I want to be Angela!!!

[Couch Tomato]

et tu Skatejoy? You joining in on the guess the alcohol story? Great pictures... so I feel I did the right thing in not sitting in front of you in Boston!! You would have had a lot of fun shooting around me!!

Bottlecap! Lots of Bwahs for your continued story... but when Ansa and I take over Clay's media empire, do we get paid or do we continue to be poor but happy and whipped fans? I'm still tickled at how I raised my hands to the rafters and left them there in AC while Clay toyed with me. Scared to ask where you had your troll adventure.

[bottlecap]

Attending his first fashion show, American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken didn't seem impressed at what he saw.

"All these models looked like they were upset," he said. "They should smile more."

The scary thing is, he's such a dork that he could be serious about this comment.

[coughHayseedcough]

[Skatejoy]

I don't think Clay is as "hayseed" as some people perceive him. He's a pretty smart guy and he's been a part of the celebrity world for a while now.

I do, however, think that he works hard to stay a "real" person and that he has a wicked sarcastic sense of humor.

[Couch Tomato]

I love Clay's sense of humor. I actually think that's what reeled me in. When I went back and read my comments during American Idol on TWoP (when I was actually Couchtomato and who can remember my 3 subsequent names LOL) I liked him from the very start. But I loved K-Lo too. And I can't seem to tell who I loved more. When the fans deserted CLay's performer thread for the IE gushy thread, I didn't initially go. I'd check in now and them but those women were crazy and I didn't have time for that. So I stayed in performer thread until Clay lost and then I needed to go where the info was. Seeing him on TV and in those radio interviews before and during the tour - is what hooked me. He was so funny. I never "got that" while watching Idol. To learn he was so funny and sarcastic and devilish was an eye opener to me and made him fascinating to follow. Do i love his voice...absolutely. Listening to him sing really does something for me. I never get tired of his voice. And I would have been a fan forever - but just the normal kind -- without the fascinating personality.

I was happy that this tour the fans seem more accepting of his snark because I don't ever want him to change or hide away that part of himself.

ETA: And I actually don't think he ever will because he realizes that no matter what he says some people will not be happy. I LOVED hearing him say that.

[ldyjocelyn]

bottlcap and txflwrgrl -- you ladies rawk! I'm loving this tag team skit writing. More please?!?!?

Hmmm...I think I need to find a skill to be a part of this skit. Maybe as first class suck-up?

buzzie and SkateJoy -- your pictures are such a pleasure to look at. Thank you both for sharing your talents.

Yep, that's me...first class suck-up...*g*

I was happy that this tour the fans seem more accepting of his snark because I don't ever want him to change or hide away that part of himself.

Yeppers. I also don't want him to lose the "dork" capabilities he has. Sure, I love Sexy!Rock!Star!Clay!...but I love Dorky!Goofy!Clay! too. (SkateJoy has some good pictures from Boston with him like that...)

[bottlecap]

bottlecap makes a note to include ldyjocelyn in the next skit as the resident cheerleader. lj, do you see yourself in the traditional pleated skirt outfit, or as one of those midriff baring, rumping shaking, hoochy dancing types? txflwrgrl will need to know so she can design your costume.

[Couch Tomato]

LdyJocelyn would definitely like one of the hoochie variety...ducks and runs.

*attempts to do the splits, and throws out back in process*

at least that would be understandable... I threw mine out once just taking pan out of the oven.

[ldyjocelyn]

LdyJocelyn would definitely like one of the hoochie variety...ducks and runs.

A girl can dream of being a hoochie without actually being one, right?

Cool, I always wanted to be on the cheerleading team.

*attempts to do the splits, and throws out back in process*

[bottlecap]

ldyjocelyn, you can be whatever you want to be in this little corner of cyberspace. You might even be able to track done that missing "a" from your screen name if you so desire.

Do I need Clay content here? So, how 'bout that Emmy rumor? That just cries out for a skit. [Oh, stop whining, you can just scroll when and if it gets posted.]

[Skatejoy]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE an emmy skit!! You go bottlecap!

[ivy]

I still don't know how I figured out that Clay had a sarcastic side to him and a good sense of humor. I wasn't on the boards during much of AI2. And I don't think I even knew about Jaded until after AI. But somewhere along the way, I decided he was a real entertainer and wow has he proved it. So, does anyone still believe Clay was napping the first part of the year? Looks to me like he was studying, planning and hopefully writing songs. I would love to know how much of the flow of JBT was planned by him. We now know he submitted a list of songs to Michael Orland. From that brief reply to someone at CLB, it appears Michael may have cut an hour from the show. Can't wait to see what else Clay has to offer and I'm willing to continue to throw money at him by attending concerts and buying his CDS so he can continue to create more shows for US.

[txflwrgrl]

The red carpet is lined with fans waiting for a glimpse of the stars. It’s Emmy night and all the stars are there, when a white stretch limo pulls up. You can hear the whispers among the crowd. The rumors are flying. You can feel the excitement and anticipation in the air. The limo driver comes around and opens the door……and Ansa steps out, checking with the officials that everything is ready for HIS arrival… red carpet (check)….screamings fans (check)….no swimming pools nearby (check). Next out of the limo is ldyjocelyn , head hoochie mama cheerleader….she’s got the crowd really going….she’s shaking those pom poms.

Then…...a black boot (size 13 ½) steps out….followed by another black boot….then long lean legs….and the crowd is screaming and pushing forward, but Ansa has the guards lined up keeping them back. You know how he hates crowds! They can’t believe he’s here…but it’s true. It’s Clay!!!!! Striding confidently down that red carpet in a black suit designed by txflwrgrl …who spent an enormous amount of time making sure that every inch of that body was measured and re-measured and that the suit fit perfectly. txflwrgrl also followed close behind Clay every step making sure the material was perfectly smooth (and using her hands to smooth any wrinkles).

Walking all around Clay were buzztechie and skatejoy . Their cameras were capturing every move…every grin….every long stride. Following behind him was diamondjake2001 holding onto 3 leashes for her puppy, Raleigh and the penquin (Clay insisted they bring the penquin). Next was Couch Tomato She had her hands up high and holding a LTS book and was muttering something about….it’s one word, not two, and can I put my hands down now?” What was that all about! Of course, right next to Clay was bottlecap , his snarky comments writer. She was busy whispering snarky things to say in Clay’s ear. He giggled a lot and then said “I can’t say that…..that’s just dirty!”.

Just as Clay was near the entrance tragedy happened. buzzie and skatejoy got a little too close and looked directly into the Aiken stare. Those piercing green eyes melted their lenses and caused their toes to curl up, then they passed out. It was unbelievable…..all around the Aiken ladies started falling over and the bodies piled up. The men couldn’t believe what had happened, but those of us who were behind Clay and had narrowly missed the “look” knew what had happened. We lived to tell the tale and to warn others of the risks you take when the Aiken decides to turn those bedroom eyes on you. Be warned!

[bottlecap]

Can I get a big old YEE HAW for txflwrgrl. I can see that scene clearly in my head, and by the way the Manolos I'm wearing are fabulous!!! And who knew you could find a diamond-studded collar for a penguin? Only in Hollywood!

I just saw GBB's compilation of the before and after Kenneth Cole collar pictures - how funny is that series? Do you think Mr. Cole and Clay had a little discussion about V-neck undershirts?

Edited September 13, 2005 by bottlecap

[bottlecap]

Clay quickly revived his entourage with whispers of “Breathe for me, honey” and lingering hugs. Everyone takes their places on the red carpet, and Clay is micced up. He shakes hands with his co-host Pat O’Brien, but turns down POB’s offer of a quick vodka tonic before the interviews begin.

First up is the cast of "Desperate Housewives". After a rather nasty scuffle that involved some serious jostling, a little foul language, several whispered threats, Nicolette Sheridan “accidentally” exposing herself (twice), and a spiked heel to Terri Hatcher’s instep, a pose is finally selected and pictures are taken. Clay has a few words with the ladies, and declines to accept Eva Longoria’s hotel room key.

Clay meets Ellen Degeneres. Apparently he’s been practicing since the end of the JBT, because he breaks out a perfect version of the Running Man, and they spend a few minutes grooving along together.

Elsewhere on the red carpet, JJ Abrams seems to be dropping hints that the mystery hatch on “Lost” might just contain the tapes of Clay’s “Moon River” performance from the PTL interview, along with a full version of the Kimmel “Kyrie”. The Clay Nation buzzes over the hints, debates their authenticity, but a makes a note to set their TiVos and VCRs, just in case.

Jennifer Garner, despite being pregnant and married, slips Clay her phone number and waddles sadly away, mouthing the words, “Call me”, and plainly regretting some recent life choices. [Seriously, honey, you gave up Michael freaking Vartan for that bloated and kinda greasy looking has-been former J-Lo dater Ben Affleck? Even Britney Spears Federline is looking at you and saying, “Damn, girl, you can do better.”] Farther up the red carpet, Jennifer Garner’s interview with Kathy Griffin does not go well. Despite being pregnant, Garner has kept up with her martial arts training, and delivers a stunning roundhouse kick to Griffin’s jaw. Nobody blames Garner and she is whisked away for a reviving snack of milk and cookies. Griffin remains unconscious for some time, and sustains multiple stiletto wounds while she lays on the red carpet.

Clay temporarily loses his cool over his chance to the cast of “The West Wing”, his favorite show ever. After the meeting, Clay has to take a moment, and is heard to say: “I know a met them but I can’t remind anything about it. Did someone get a picture?” [Sound familiar M&G’ers?]

The producers of “Scrubs” take the opportunity to pitch an multi-episode story arc for Kenny in the upcoming season. Matt Groening wants Clay for an episode of “The Simpsons”, and reminds Clay of the list of artists that have already done the show as themselves: U2, REM, the Rolling Stones, and Phish. When the producers of “Will & Grace” bring up the possibility of a cameo, Clay politely suggests they call his agent, and then gives them a phony number. [Seriously, was that show ever funny? And it still gets an Emmy nod three years past it’s “sell by” date?]

The Emmy show itself was like it always is: long and boring, with occasionally amusing dresses. A rumor circulates through the audience that Donald Trump and William Shatner had a yooge catfight backstage. A collective “Eww” is issued at the thought of toupees flying everywhere as middle aged paunches collide.

The show is finally over, and after prying Jennifer Garner off his ankles, Clay and company get back into the white stretch limo and head out. The evening ends with a late night stop at Krispy Kreme. As it turns out, all the lights in Hollywood are no match for the warm glow of a “Hot Now” sign. Sigh.

[ldyjocelyn]

Next out of the limo is ldyjocelyn , head hoochie mama cheerleader….she’s got the crowd really going….she’s shaking those pom poms.

:::looks downward::: Honey, if they shake anymore...they'd be on the floor. *g*

Elsewhere on the red carpet, JJ Abrams seems to be dropping hints that the mystery hatch on “Lost” might just contain the tapes of Clay’s “Moon River” performance from the PTL interview, along with a full version of the Kimmel “Kyrie”.  The Clay Nation buzzes over the hints, debates their authenticity,  but a makes a note to set their TiVos and VCRs, just in case.

Didn't he also mention "They Can't Take That Away From Me," sung in London a few years ago? While I was busy shaking my pom poms, I was also sneakily listening to Mr. Abrams. My hearing this had something to do with said pom poms...

[Couch Tomato]

Next was Couch Tomato She had her hands up high and holding a LTS book and was muttering something about….it’s one word, not two, and can I put my hands down now?”

LOL..whipped I tell ya, whipped! The whole thing is hysterical.

New New Clayventures entry

And everybody please send good wishes Ansa's way today.

[bottlecap]

Great blog entry, couchie! And I hear yah about trying to keep a lid on the depth of the Clay obsession in front of the family. Has Sis Tomato let you live it down yet?

[txflwrgrl]

Couch Tomato - I love your Clayventures! I missed seeing any of the JBT concerts, so I'm really enjoying reading about your adventures. Can't wait for the next one. I do have one question.....have I missed the story about the alcohol? Of course, I have a sneaky suspicion I know where it went LOL (just not sure when and where).

bottlecap - That sounds like my kind of evening....Clay and Krispy Kremes....WOO HOO!....can't get much better. Also, wanted to apologize for forgetting to mention your fabulous shoes in my story. Those Manolos you were wearing were stunning. I was just jealous because you looked so good in them.