# 8 My titanium balled, taking his life into his big hands,

[playbiller]

My Clay fandom has remained pretty even over the years - but I never angsted over him, nor do I minutely examine his every word. I do have moments of wanting to invent a game called whack-A-Fan from time to time. It is like there are people who are no longer fans and still in the fandom. They never say anything so outrageous, but leave small doses of poison with each statement. Nothing Clay says or does is ever without question, no matter how small.

Now I am a realist. I never expect to agree with everything Clay says (i.e. religion), I don't support everything he supports and his friends are not my friends. I don't mind debating some things he says on a general plane - by certainly not with a microscope. Yes, we all like his singing, but if we don't like things he says - don't listen or read him - why is Clay the only artist in time who has to be perfect?

ETA - Couchie - HH want to be on your board list. They shut down membership for a while because of bots invading the board. Will open it up again.

Look what I found! Isn't it cute.

I think I'll keep it.

Edited April 9, 2007 by playbiller

[Couch Tomato]

BWAH Play - that's fantastic...And thanks Play and Clayzorback- for inquiring about Heartful House. I'll keep them on.

Oh Muski, that's an easy question for me. I still am as crazy about Clay as ever. A new song still excites me. He blogged still gives me chills as well as a song of his just popping up on my shuffle. I still enjoy watching new clack and reading his interviews. I still whip out my credit card for Clay stuff. I still want to go to a million tour stops. I still work on my Clay websites and always have new projects having to do with them rolling around my head.

What's different?

Over time I've learned how to fit Clay into my life rather than have my life revolve around Clay. And that's easy to do because he's just not as white hot as he was in 2003 and 2004. There was just way more info out there and it took up way more of my time to get through it all. Really the only time any of it overwhelms me these days is when he tours because it's a lot of time and effort to keep the tour pages updated.

I had to digest the hard lesson that I could not take on every Clay slight or it would drive me to an early grave. I was THAT involved. I swear the whole mess with the teacher of the year put me over the edge. Since then I've just learned how to deal. As much as I hate it I understand that the haters/blogs/gossip hounds will always be there. I don't like it but the only thing I can do about it is not give them any extra attention or acknowledgement. I don't feel like I'm being some sort of disloyal Clay fan if I don't know every word coming out of the mouths of the slimebuckets.

I definitely don't buy anything Clay unless he is heavily featured. I used to buy any magazine if they had a paragraph, a photo, sometimes a mere mention. Now the scan is good enough.

I used to be active on many boards and I'd monitor the CH all day just in case some new information fell from the sky. Now I get all my info from here. Everything makes here eventually and thanks for everybody that brings it over. Every now and then I go check out other places but I'm just not interested in reading any other place on a regular basis.

So I still enjoy Clay - just dropped 70% of the fandom activities that I used to participate in. I feel like it is more healthy for me and frankly why do something if you dont' enjoy it. I don't want to be stressed and angry on a regular basis. I'll see you at the party when everybody should be happy and in a CLay glow. Other than that I have real life friends and family. And I have many "Clay" friends that are now just friends. And I have ya'll.

There is nothing wrong with reading lots of board but I did let it overtake my life. Now the time I used to spend on that gets spent working on FCA. Cly can't entertain me 24 hours a day. And when it's slow I don't worry or panic. I guess I'm more relaxed now.

[muskifest]

Clay can't entertain me 24 hours a day

Maybe not, couchie dear, but according to the CH Thread title, he can give you 3 hours and not even break a sweat.

And yes, that emoticon is rather suited to many of my comments...however, I think the reason I use it so much is that it's on the main page and I don't have to go looking for it, you know?

Although I must admit that sometimes I DO...

go looking for it, that is.

But since hubby's still across the freakin' country, I ain't finding it just now. :angry22:

[Divayenta]

Interesting question, musk. I have been feeling the "intensity" waning over the months. I see it as a natural and healthy change for me. I'm getting more involved with my artistic growth, I think. Like couch, I like spending less time on the boards, yeah, I'll do that quick breeze through at the CH, but it's pretty much the same ol' same ol' these days.

I can get in the car, turn on my shuffle deck and still sa-woon when I hear a certain Clay song. And I listen to a lot of others too. Love my Sting greatest hits album, for example- what a songwriter/singer. He inspires me since I do the same thing. A countertenor named Thomas Otten sends me. Can't wait to see Bo in May.

I have the same reaction to Clay's teeth you do. It's not really just about the teeth. They're bigger, longer, beefier. God bless him, the man has a right to do whatever he wants and who cares what I think, but they signal something to me, like a kind of facade. Like "I'll never ever look or do vulnerable again". The remark about not singing LAL, the new Paxil enhanced uberconfidence.

Gosh, that just sounds so judgmental and I don't mean it to be. I just sense something I can't really put into words or maybe don't feel quite safe putting into words just yet.

I'm still a fan, he is still occasionally a sex object to me and when he's not oversinging like he did at the Gala, he can slay me.

I'm obviously still here. I'm watching with less angst and intensity and getting ready for some future performances of my own coming up soon, so that's good too. I do get pre-performance anxiety which isn't fun though.

Still feel the need to be connected to those in the fandom that I care for.

Does any of this make sense?

[atinal]

Muski, I'll try to respond to your question. I don't think I've had any change in my feelings about Clay. I think my response to him is the same as it has always been. I think what has changed is my feelings about the fandom. I would like to see the excitement that there once was. There were posters whose posts I looked forward to because they were such avid Clay fans and their enthusiasm was contagious. I wonder: Where did they go? Are they still fans? Did real life get in the way? Did they move on to the next big thing? Did they fall victim to the "mess"?

I also grow weary of some fans and their expectations of Clay, and we've already discussed that quite a bit.

To me there is something about Clay that is special, and that won't change because he sings a song here or there that I might not like. It won't change because he is or isn't sporting a beard. It won't change because he had his teeth fixed. It doesn't bother me that he mispells a word or doesn't use perfect grammar in his blogs, or that he doesn't blog often enough.

He makes me smile and laugh out loud, he doesn't make me cry like I hear some fans say, but he always makes me feel something when he sings.

Like Ansa, maybe I wasn't as intense as some were to begin with. I've been to a total of 7 concerts, that's intense for me. Prior to that I think I'd only seen a couple of performers twice. When I first got interested in reading the boards, I had no idea that 3 and a half years later I'd still be here, but I am, and I'm glad.

[roseviolet]

Fan fatigue? Not me. Well, not where Clay is concerned. With some other fans maybe. Being a fan is a rather unique experience for me. I mean, there is being a fan and being a FAN. And with Clay I'm a FAN. And experiencing some of the, um, more interesting personalities on some boards, I'm not always a fan of some fans. Such is life, I guess.

As for radio, I think Clay definitely wants to be a hit on the radio. It would be good for his career. I'm sure he'll have a great career without it, but it wouldn't hurt! I think he was aiming for it with "Back For More". I bet that would of taken off on radio. Meanwhile, I'll just play him on my radio. It has been pretty interesting programming this station. I get emails from independent artists looking to have their songs played. That is why you'll see a number of unfamiliar names on my playlist.

It's a new week on Rose Radio. Be sure to listen in today for the preview of some of the new songs. This week's selections will include tracks by Simple Minds, The Cars, Gary Dean Smith, David Tennyson, Eliot Popkin, INXS, The Who, No Fixed Abode, Enya, Jacob Miller, Gerry Rafferty and Bonnie Raitt. Since the list doesn't quite make a whole hour, I've added some of my other favorite tracks to the list. On Tuesday you can read more about this week's selections on the Rose Radio blog.

[djs111]

Fan fatigue? not my Clay fandom, I still love to watch and listen to him, but I have realised that I am pretty tired of some of the fandom stuff.

I would never hang around, in real life, with people who so assiduously snuffle and root around to find something to be negative about - it is draining, and a waste of life.

I also find it a bit creepy, almost, to see how intent some people are about his sexuality (not his sexiness, but his own personal sexuality) - I would not sit around and discuss an acquaintance's sexuality in such detail, much less a total stranger's. And as far as that part of his life is concerned, he should be a total stranger, unless HE wants something different.

Then again I am firmly in the camp of "nothing is anyone else's business unless it concerns them directly", and no, just because someone wants to know or feels (bizarrely) that their need to understand is more important than someone else's need for privacy - that does not trump anything whatsoever.

I'm not saying some stuff is not interesting, it just amazes and appalls me that so many harsh judgemental venom is spewed about Clay, his family, his friends - all based on what can only be interpretation and extrapolation. And I am talking about FANS.

I can remember when any new event or sighting was so much fun for everybody on the boards - now when I watch him, I almost trudge to some boards, I anticipate the anger, the criticism, the endless interpretation to suit agendas, the complete evaporation of any afterglow whatsoever; sometimes whatever the actual event was is completely ignored because it was seen as just a meaningless stepping-stone or "filler" (WTF???!!!) because it was not what was predicted or desired (again, due to agendas).

Used to be I would have been referring to KCE, there!

I still want to go to as many concerts as I can possibly (and sometimes ill-advisedly) manage - I don't feel that reading all the boards afterwards is even a good idea any more.

Except here, of course!

I can only think that for some people, being a fan of Clay has morphed into being a fan of what they think about Clay, and when he doesn't do what they want, or loudly predicted, they feel disappointment or anger. Which mystifies me, because this isn't even hater crap - if being a fan of a singer means one loves to hear him sing - why hang around and snipe if that changes? It seems so pointless. But I have learned to scroll and skip. And thank God for blogs, because those are way easier to skip!

A long time ago I was dating the brother-in-law of one of my best friends, and we were sitting around talking about his faults. His mother said well, that all may certainly be true - but if you find so much of what makes him be himself something to complain about, you should leave him to find someone you like better, and then he may find someone who appreciates him more! She was right.

So, Clay fandom - quite intact and impervious to outside influence, fandom or other. And you would be quite, um, amazed at my clack collection.

Like some, I no longer buy every magazine with a mention, but somehow I still accumulate stuff. Board fandom - that has changed, because so many boards are not so much really about Clay and what he does, anymore, they are about, well, the board itself.

My enthusiasm for Clay has not wavered, waned, or suffered any setbacks whatsoever - my capacity to read crapola about him has completely dried up. Feh. Waste of my time.

And I do find myself just skipping a board, any board, for a day or so when I encounter cheap shots about Clay or his family/career/friends, or spiritual beliefs. Not an angelwinger, just not into the mean-spirited stuff.

Although I guess my dislike for some of the more pretentious or negative fandom is undergoing a sea change, becoss some of it is so predictable it is hilarious.

Roseviolet, that is so interesting that independent artists contact you - do you demand payola or airily announce that you will play them when they are more mainstream? haha! Just kidding - I think that is wonderful, that you have created something so positive that may indeed give some artists a boost, outside of the current obnoxiously money-driven system. Like, say, politics.

Edited April 9, 2007 by djs111

[luckiest1]

To me there is something about Clay that is special, and that won't change because he sings a song here or there that I might not like. It won't change because he is or isn't sporting a beard. It won't change because he had his teeth fixed. It doesn't bother me that he mispells a word or doesn't use perfect grammar in his blogs, or that he doesn't blog often enough.

I can really identify with this part of your post! I read all the sadness or wistfulness or sometimes downright anger over the teeth, the hair, the songs, the blogs......and I just can't identify with it at all. Did I like the old teeth? Yes! They were so cute. Do I like the new teeth? Yes! They are so cute. Do I think the change signifies some great philosophical thing? Um, no. I think Clay didn't like his old teeth, and he got some work done to fix them. Same as lots of people. Do I think he grew a beard to hide his double chin or because he's going to play a bad guy on TV soon? No, I think he didn't feel like shaving for a while. Hee. I'm not belittling anyone who does feel that way......I'm just saying that while I sympathize, I just.don't.get.it. As for the blogs or the songs, I just feel that every little thing he gives us is a gift. I hope he always records what he wants to record, and not what the "fans" want to hear.

My fandom hasn't waned (although my family probably wishes it would!) I think I have learned how to cope with the down times better, though. I don't expect Clay to keep bringing us new and exciting news every week. I expect that we'll have months at a time where we hear nothing. I've picked up old hobbies to keep myself busy. I've stopped trying to plan everything around his schedule, and occasionally branch out and book family vacations or buy tickets to other events, safe in the knowledge that even if they do conflict, there'll be others that don't. I have also distanced myself from some boards and fans who put a damper on my enthusiasm. All in all, I'm in a pretty happy place right now where Clay is concerned. I am thrilled to see him gradually become more confident with himself and with his fans. I am so glad he decided to treat his anxieties with medication. My son takes a similar medication, and his doctor explained to me that it does not "make" a person happy. It enables them to experience life, and be themselves, without that dark cloud hanging over their head. I see Clay slowly becoming Clayton again, and that makes me happy.

[Clayzorback]

I interrupt this broadcast to bring you news:

Faye says Clay told her to watch GMA this morning. Don't know what it is about.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

[bottlecap]

I see Clay slowly becoming Clayton again, and that makes me happy.

AMEN, sister. I just want Clay to be himself and to be happy with his life....

[atinal]

I'm going to be out of town for a few days, with no internet access. I'm going to be trying my luck at the slots at a casino in Iowa. So you guys do some eeeeeeeeeeing for me. Surely there will be something to eeeee about. Maybe it will be a midwest concert.

Luckiest and Roseviolet, you expressed my sentiments pretty darned well.

OK, wish me luck!!!

[FullyFunctional]

Okay, since this is the one place I feel fine talking about this, here goes....Are any of you experiencing a change in your feeling towards Clay lately? Are there things about being a fan of Clay that are different? Do you see your involvement, interest, investment in or attachment to him as having changed to a degree that you don't enjoy him or it as much? If so, what do you attribute the difference in your excitement level to?

You all sure know how to drag me out of the woodwork. This is a topic I've been thinking about quite a bit lately, and I've enjoyed reading everyone's responses to this.

My feelings about Clay himself have not really changed much in the last couple of years, though the intensity has waned, as my life has radically changed and my spare time is so limited. When my fandom began, I wasn't nearly as busy as I am now, and had more time to focus on Clay. I have gone from obsession to an enthusiastic fondness, and I'm not unhappy with the transition. Like some of you mentioned, I wasn't really comfortable with how emotional I was over the ups and downs in Clayland, and I feel that I am in a better place now and that my fandom can be sustained at this level. If my fandom hadn't changed since AI2, I might not have a job or a spouse!

I can relate to Ansa in that I don't listen or watch Clay all the time, and I think that helps me keep my fandom fresh. I think of Clay like an intensely flavorful $300 bottle of premium first expeller pressed olive oil. You don't want to use it all the time or cook with it, but rather pull it out for fine occasions and use a few drops only for maximum appreciation. I am never tired of Clay because I reserve clack for special occasions. Like luckiest1, I have found myself picking up old hobbies I had left behind. This is a good thing.

My feelings about the fandom itself? Very mixed.. conflicted... disillusioned, at this point. I refuse to walk down Angst Avenue or Conspiracy Court... I find the extreme emotional rollercoaster on most of the message boards unpleasant... I also find the tendency towards conformity offputting, and the squabbling too much to bear. My real life is complicated enough- when it comes to my fandom, I'm Ms. Cindy Lauper belting out "Girls Just Want to Have Fun". I found, like couch tomato and others here, that I have distanced myself from many of the fan activities I used to enjoy. It's really a shame for me, because my attitude about the fandom is so far away from the kind of euphoric "I found a community of strong women who share my interest in Clay! Yay!" state I was in 3 years ago. Overall, though,

Edited April 9, 2007 by FullyFunctional

[Ansamcw]

I can really identify with this part of your post! I read all the sadness or wistfulness or sometimes downright anger over the teeth, the hair, the songs, the blogs......and I just can't identify with it at all. Did I like the old teeth? Yes! They were so cute. Do I like the new teeth? Yes! They are so cute. Do I think the change signifies some great philosophical thing? Um, no. I think Clay didn't like his old teeth, and he got some work done to fix them. Same as lots of people. Do I think he grew a beard to hide his double chin or because he's going to play a bad guy on TV soon? No, I think he didn't feel like shaving for a while. Hee. I'm not belittling anyone who does feel that way......I'm just saying that while I sympathize, I just.don't.get.it. As for the blogs or the songs, I just feel that every little thing he gives us is a gift. I hope he always records what he wants to record, and not what the "fans" want to hear.

Hee when it comes to the teeth...I am all over the place. I am still getting used to it but it does not make me angry, mad or wistful...just getting used to it. While I don't think that Clay conciously did it for any strategy or signal ....I also agree with Divayenta that subconciously it could be a step towards more maturity another step away from his younger self towards a stronger more incharge individual. It may be something that he always wanted to do but to actually take a step towards drastically chaning his look can be quite scary and good for him for taking that step.

Now other than that, I really don't see any big significance with his growing a beard or even his statement about AI. I find it funny that people were thinking its for UNICEF or his double chin. I think he was just bored and wanted to try a new look...or wanted to piss off his mom..hee.Same with the statement about AI. I know several people that made the concious decision to let that show go cos it makes them too wicked ...I take Clay at his word for this. No real need to distance himself.

About the fandom....I do know a lot of CLayfans that have been absent from the boards...not that they no longer like Clay...just won;t be bothered to wait around for something to happen. They are living their lives an refuse to get sucked into the fan drama. But they are still fans of Clay and are eagerly awaiting concerts and any new product Clay will bring out.

[ldyjocelyn]

Boring analogy ahead...scroll at will.

I've been married to my husband for almost 9 years. When we were first getting to know each other, I couldn't stop thinking about him -- how much fun it was to share time with him, looking forward to talking to him each night before bed, things like that. When we got married, it continued like that for a while -- it was still fresh and exciting, and we both had a blast. After a few years or so, though, things just simply changed. We realized that we still love each other, by far -- but we knew that, with time, we would learn that the newness wasn't as fresh anymore. However, my husband still does things that thrill me -- he'll make me laugh exactly when I need it, smile at me with his adorable smile, tell me that he loves me even if I change the channel when he was actually watching something. I'm positive I do the same thrilling things for him.

I know I've used this analogy before, but, in a way, it's the same way with Clay. As couchie said, 2003 and 2004 was a constant "getting to know him" phase, and it was consuming. But, after a while, I knew that things would settle down into a more comfortable phase, both for Clay's sake (IMO), and mine. The intensity can still be there (the gala night was a big case in point -- and I had a blast that evening, even if I wasn't there), but I now know that it doesn't need to be like that every waking moment of every waking day. I still love Clay and find myself excited when he appears somewhere, but it's just more settled.

My feelings on the fandom? Totally different animal. I found in the past year that my blood pressure would go up everytime I read anything that I saw as angst. Maybe it wasn't angst to some people, but it sure was to ME. The constant up-down cycle got incredibly tiring, and I knew I had to scale it back. Thank God for this place -- it allows me to keep up, and I have the board up in the background on my computer every day, but since we're still getting some footing around here...it's just not a constant. That doesn't make sense, I know....

One more thought -- muski, you say you asked the question because of reading posts recently that suggest their waning interesting. It seems to me that these kinds of posts have been around for a while -- I'd venture early 2005 at least (the first supposed clack drought). IMO, it's kind of the state of fandoms in general -- people's interests wax and wane. Some just give up after a while -- and in Clay's case, I have no doubt that others will take their place. Some will come back after some time away from the fandom. I'm positive that the NEXT album will be interesting for Clay -- if he continues to go the ballad route and doesn't turn into that rocker, will the fans continue to follow? At this point, I'm just interested in Clay's journey, and I love watching him.

[playbiller]

I admit it - I don't get the whole teeth thing myself - Elliot Yamin changes his teeth and his fans celebrate - Clay gets few veneers and many fans are not happy? Why? Maybe since one of my eyeteeth seems to have moved forward a bit and makes on tooth look darker in pictures is causing me to get a veneer - pure pride, and my smile will look a bit different - but no one here will care and it will not change me except to make me smile a bit more. Hair beard, what ever, Clay is still underneath. This man looks different to me in every picture taken of him, so this is just another different look to me, I don't read anything into it, except he wanted to do it. But then, as I had said before, after seeing the anomoly, my attitude was - so what, he is still going to be a star, eh. I just don't get quite as hopped up that often, although I admit to having my moments, they are short lived (PETA).

Oddly enough - for years I said this fandom was new to me - but that was not true! I suddenly realized that there was a tall thin tenor that I have followed around for many many years, from my 20s up until he hit his 80s where he now only appears on the radio - he is some what international, but mostly mjust appears in NYC. I had friends that were fans of his as well and we would call each other up to say he was appearing and we would squeal with each other and cancel plans we had made to go see him. He had/has no internet fans. Has reached his mid 80s, but I recently found an album of his I didn't have online and bought it. He also has a wicked sense of humor and had an album that was so randy, it is called the white album because he could not put the title of any of the songs on the album since they were so obscene, so he left it blank - these are not songs he wrote, but songs of the 1600's when regular people were quite open about thier sexual adventures, both real and fantasy. Multiple shows? I went to every show I I could find. We usually found out by small notices in the backs of papers - like appearing tonight, etc. He appeared in small venues and he knew a lot of the same people who would show up. I guess this was my training for Clay. When I said he appeared on the radio, I don't mean his singing, he was blacklisted early on and never gets real play or had a hit song, but he has a radio program that he still does today on NPR - he doesn't get paid for it, but he still does it and I still listen when I remember its on, it gets moved around a bit. His voice is still strong, but not as good as when he was merely in his 70s. Oh, and he has written songs, mostly he sings covers from the early years (historically early). Weird, huh? I loved to go to his shows thee banter was hysterical and the voice was sublime.

Edited April 9, 2007 by playbiller

[rcknrllmom]

I'm going to be out of town for a few days, with no internet access. I'm going to be trying my luck at the slots at a casino in Iowa. So you guys do some eeeeeeeeeeing for me. Surely there will be something to eeeee about. Maybe it will be a midwest concert.

Luckiest and Roseviolet, you expressed my sentiments pretty darned well.

OK, wish me luck!!!

Oh! WHich one?????? the newest one up here by me???? someone just won a million and a half at the slots there! second one who has......lucky!!!!!!!

[Couch Tomato]

I take it this GMA thing is nothing.

But, after a while, I knew that things would settle down into a more comfortable phase, both for Clay's sake (IMO), and mine. The intensity can still be there (the gala night was a big case in point -- and I had a blast that evening, even if I wasn't there), but I now know that it doesn't need to be like that every waking moment of every waking day. I still love Clay and find myself excited when he appears somewhere, but it's just more settled.

That paragraph pretty much summed me up. I remember the first draught..what was that 2005 and was it like 3 mos. Well after a year of nonstop touring, nonstop happenings it took me all three of those months to stop hitting refresh every 15 minutes. Now I like the chatter but don't need the chatter when something isn't going on every other day.

ETA: eeeeeeeeee Artquest and this?

Or so I tell myself, but at the Kimmel concert in September I cried through all five songs because I was so happy to see him!

says it all too. I still get the same rush..it's just not constant!!

Happy Monday.

Oh and the hair color and length and cut and clothes... never bothered me..but I can understand the teeth because it actually is a permanent change...and it does change that face I know I've stared at quite a bit over the past few years. I think I'm used to it already but can see why others aren't.

Waves to FullyFunctional

[artquest]

I've been married to my husband for almost 9 years. When we were first getting to know each other, I couldn't stop thinking about him -- how much fun it was to share time with him, looking forward to talking to him each night before bed, things like that. When we got married, it continued like that for a while -- it was still fresh and exciting, and we both had a blast. After a few years or so, though, things just simply changed. We realized that we still love each other, by far -- but we knew that, with time, we would learn that the newness wasn't as fresh anymore. However, my husband still does things that thrill me -- he'll make me laugh exactly when I need it, smile at me with his adorable smile, tell me that he loves me even if I change the channel when he was actually watching something. I'm positive I do the same thrilling things for him.

Not boring, not at all, at least to me because I was thinking the exact same thing: That first rush of infatuation, where it's all you can do to keep breathing because you've become obsessed with the person you love, doesn't last forever. Thank god. I mean it's wonderful, but it's exhausting. I've been married almost 40 years to a man I love more each day, but it's a deep, mellow, companionship love that's sustainable for decades. I imagine the same thing is happening with Clay as it does with any beloved entertainer once those first intense times are over. Or at least any entertainer who's going to have legs.

Or so I tell myself, but at the Kimmel concert in September I cried through all five songs because I was so happy to see him!

[Claygasm]

Hmmm. I like the way muski asked the question but didn't answer it herself! Muski???

My feelings toward Clay have changed - often. I don't think I was ever as intense as some fans. I have never collected every magazine, every Linda Huber print, saved every concert ticket, downloaded every piece of clack. I do not listen to Clay every day. Never did. There is some clack I have downloaded that I have never even gotten around to watching! I think the intensity of my fandom depends on what's happening. Is he touring? Then I'll likely be listening to every cellcert I can and downloading clack and right click and saving each picture. On TV? Well, I won't call in sick to watch it live but you can bet I'll download the clack. But, is Clay taking a vacation? Well, I do not sit and try and figure out where he went or who he went with.

Ldyj's anology to feelings toward a spouse is sort of how I feel (not that I have a spouse to compare it to...). In the beginning there is such excitement and you feel such intense passion. But real life does have a way of intruding and those kind of feelings cannot possibly be sustained at such a high level. But when he can say something to you that still makes your heart go pitter patter, or look at you in such a way to make you swoon, you know the love is still there and still strong - maybe stronger than ever. I think sometimes feelings like that just become a part of you. There may be times when you start to wonder if you feel the same, but then a simple gesture like an "I love you" out of nowhere makes you smile and feel warm and gooey and you know the love is as strong as ever.

There have been many times over the course of the last several years I have wondered if I still liked Clay and wanted to "follow" him. I mean, his music isn't even my usual taste! But then he would come on TV and be his charming, talented, sexy self and I would get that warm and gooey feeling and I would know that I still was his fan, his admirer, his bitch for life.

For the most part, I have learned to fit Clay in with my real life (except maybe at concert time.... Live Clay is an addiction for me!). I used to hit the boards the second I woke up in case something happened overnight. I do spend waaaay too much time on the boards at work, but that is more due to the present situation at my job now than anything else. If he is on TV and I have something else to do, I don't rearrange my schedule to watch it. I don't even tape it anymore! I have faith there will be clack. Clay is NOT my life. In many ways he has enhanced my life. His voice makes me happy. His laughter is contagious and his character has helped renew my faith in people. And the friends I have made because of Clay, people I never would have known otherwise, a few of whom I consider friends for life, have enriched my life ten-fold.

All that said, I almost stepped away from this fandom not too long ago. I just couldn't find a place for myself. One board I had been on just didn't fit for a variety of reasons. A board I had thought of as home for awhile was so moaning and groaning all the time and there was so much in fighting and hurt feelings every other day, it was just becoming too much. Even boards like the CH where I lurked faithfully had become such a chore to read - all the endless conspriracy theories presented as fact, the evil RCA/Clive posts, then when the album came out all the posts of doom and gloom surrounding that. I even tried the OFC original album thread out of desperation! It seemed to me that things that once prompted such joy in the fandom - a TV appearance, a new album, a magazine spread - had a shelf life of joy about equivalent to the lifespan of a fruit fly! Then it would turn to post after post of what could have been, should have been, how RCA/Clive screwed Clay, how good PR would have made him sell 10 million albums, how marketing could have saved the day, blah, blah, blah! I used to love rushing to the boards after, for example, a TV appearance to eeeeeeeeeeeeee with every one for days! Now, if you're too slow getting to the boards, you completely miss the eeeeing and all you get is the Oying!

Because of that, like others have said, finding this board has in many ways, kept my fandom fun, like its supposed to be. I won't say it saved my fandom because I am sure I would still have kept abreast of Clay's appearances and kept in touch with friends and still have gone to concerts etc. But the fun once attached to the boards would have been gone. I think the fact that so many here say the same thing about FCA says a lot about both this board and the state of the boards in general.

I will never agree with Clay about everything and I will never embrace every cause he does and I will never watch a TV show because he likes it. But because I love his voice, his humor, his heart - and it doesn't hurt that most of the time he's hot as shit - I am his fan for the foreseeable future. And to me, the very definitition of being a fan means having fun. Its supposed to be FUN!!!

And at least here it usually is.

On another subject - the teeth. Muski and I have discussed the new teeth and how it effects his smile etc because honestly I just didn't get it. I have been thinking about why it doesn't bother me (except for initially being taken aback by the glow in the dark brightness of the new teeth!). I think for me it is because when Clay smiles, he doesn't just smile with his mouth. He smiles with his eyes, with his face, with his soul. There are some people whose whole being light up when they smile. Clay is one of them. I guess because of that I never looked that closely at his mouth when he smiled. I still don't.

As to his reason for changing them, I guess I am in the camp of he did it because they are something that have always bothered him and he can now afford to have them fixed. I don't think there is any more significance to it than that.

As to the beard - I always thought the idea he grew it for a UNICEF trip was absurd! I think he grew it because he wanted to try having a beard (with the added benefit of annoying his mother!). The fact that it ended up being, IMO, one of his hottest looks ever was just a bonus!

I think it would make being a Clay fan more fun if we didn't try to read too much significance into every little thing Clay does. I swear some fans put more thought into his every move than Clay himself does! You may not end up liking the end result - like the teeth or the beard and that is ok - but to try and find the hidden meaning is, to me, as crazy as whipping out that super seekrit decoder ring to try and figure out what he really means when he blogs!

Bottom line for me - being a Clay fan is supposed to be fun, a hobby. It is not supposed to be a chore, or your job, or your life. It should make you smile and laugh and feel all tingly from time to time, not cause angst and unhappiness. Because of the boards it was on the verge of doing the latter for me not too long ago. FCA brought the fun back into being an internet fan for me. But even if it hadn't, I would still be a fan and keep up with Clay to a degree. But the boards, when they're fun, mean you have someone to share your fandom with and for me that is more fun than being a fan alone. You just have to find the right mix or people.

[ldyjocelyn]

I think for me it is because when Clay smiles, he doesn't just smile with his mouth. He smiles with his eyes, with his face, with his soul. There are some people whose whole being light up when they smile. Clay is one of them. I guess because of that I never looked that closely at his mouth when he smiled. I still don't.

CG, you're not the only one. I never paid all that much attention to his MOUTH either when he smiled. Instead, I could almost FEEL the happiness when he smiled, even through a picture or clack. What he was doing with his teeth or his mouth was inconsequential to me.

Bottom line for me - being a Clay fan is supposed to be fun, a hobby. It is not supposed to be a chore, or your job, or your life. It should make you smile and laugh and feel all tingly from time to time, not cause angst and unhappiness. Because of the boards it was on the verge of doing the latter for me not too long ago. FCA brought the fun back into being an internet fan for me. But even if it hadn't, I would still be a fan and keep up with Clay to a degree. But the boards, when they're fun, mean you have someone to share your fandom with and for me that is more fun than being a fan alone. You just have to find the right mix or people.

AMEN!

I have to admit I was one who did buy almost everything early on, and I still do occasionally pick up a People magazine (and keep it) that has a mention or two of Clay in it. And I'm going to look for the new People with the AI connection here real soon. I also printed practically everything out from the web. That's stopped now -- too much paper!!!!

Welcome artquest!

[muskifest]

:garfieldodie-grouphug:

Wow. I KNEW I'd get some real answers to my questions if I posed them here. Without a lecture. Without a lesson. Without pages 273---504 from "Experts 'R Us". Without a judgment of which fans are right and which are wrong

.

Thank you.

Before I blah blah, I must quote this:

You don't want to use it all the time or cook with it, but rather pull it out for fine occasions and use a few drops only for maximum appreciation.

because I feel it is my duty to do so and because reading this "soopuuhb" (tm Simon) combination of words will have me grinning like an idiot all day at work. heh.

Now, long-assed post ahead...flex those scroll button fingers!

I'm at my office and it's 3 minutes before I'm "officially" at work. Been here since about 8:30 am, though, which brings me to my point. I've come to the grown up decision that my own feeling of being unsettled lately about Clay, Clay fandom, etc., is from my own knowledge that for some time now I've used my involvement with the fandom as an avoidance tactic. This is not some sudden epiphany. And the fact that I HAVE known the truth of this is what has tainted my ability to enjoy things the way I used to.

I use Clay and the boards to avoid: housework, household repairs, bill paying and organizing and planning, mother caregiving, dealing with tax questions, making important decisions (other than which concerts to go to), any creative endeavor not Clay-related (I used to sing all the time--sang with a Bay Area chorale and perform with them.), reading meaningful and fluff books, exercising and eating to get and stay healthy (although thanks to couchie, I'm at least starting to do 30 mins or so of walking from time to time now), thinking about life issues that affect my life (my hubby's dad's death followed by his mom's breakdown in just the last two months have made my usual optimistic husband sad, tired, stressed and worried--his typical limitless reserves of energy have become channeled into doing what he can and must do---his job, his kids, his repsonsibilities and attention to his volunteer community commitments---and although our relationship is strong, the "closeness" factor is suffering---little or no energy left).

In short, I've been using my "hobby" to avoid dealing responsibly with less fun things-- ie, life at the moment. So when I should be sitting down to start or finish something, I cruise the boards instead. When I should be focusing on making sure I'm doing my job to the best of my ability so that I don't lose it, my mind is flitting here and there and I get online to find something to help me avoid doing something productive. When I could be listening attentively to Carrie's latest report on friends/boys/Sims game or need for new jeans, or Alex's concerns about taking a summer school course to get an edge on college, I'm reading email or rereading something else.

So...yeah. I love Clay Aiken. Can't imagine that will ever change since I can't imagine the man---who he IS--will. I've loved some of his physical presentations more than others (hair, beard, clothes, etc.) and I'm one of the shallow ones, I guess, as far as his teeth are concerned. Haven't quite been able to embrace the teeth yet. To me this was such a major change in his appearance, something like getting a nose job or a chin implant or spomething---it truly changed his face that much to me---that I need more time to get used to it. The new smile hasn't changed HIM to me; it HAS changed how he looks to me.

But I'm not so much in love with who I am these days re: Clay Aiken; that is, I'm not so comfy or happy with where he fits into my life. (And yeah, I still want him to fit into something else. ) So it's not really CLAY or even the fandom that is the issue. It's me and my being a grown up. Or not being one, rather.

I love you guys and I love this place. And I really shouldn't have skipped my own medication for the last few nights! :medium-smiley-070:

Edited April 9, 2007 by muskifest

[Claygasm]

Awww, muski.

You know, reading your post made me feel guilty because I too have often used the boards and all things Clay as an avoidance technique. I know I have lately - not so much to avoid doing things I need to but rather to avoid thinking about things I should be thinking about. Right now I think I am in a state of denial about my future and what it holds for me and Clay helps me stay in that state.

Not a good thing I'm sure.

Unlike muski, I am only responsible and accountable to myself (and Waldo!), but still, I shouldn't be hiding behind the Aiken. It hasn't affected my enjoyment of the fandom yet, though, because until muski wrote what she wrote, I had even been denying my denial!

I have always been one to avoid dealing with things I don't want to deal with until they hit me in the face and slap me around a little. My job situation is no exception. Right now, Clay is a convenient and fun excuse not to deal with crap.

Maybe I should remember how guilty I feel right now. Maybe that would spur me into being proactive for a change......

[KAndre]

Such interesting answers...

I don't think my feelings for Clay have changed at all since 2003...I like Clay Aiken a lot. But like Claygasm, I never collected everything, especially not the teeny magazine mentions - but I do listen to him every day. Including the AI stuff, because I still love the way he sounded. I know I do a lot of projecting on him, because his changes in his appearance never struck me as significant because I change dramatically on a fairly regular basis - just because I can. I've never been particularly attached to the chicklet teeth (besides commenting that they were chicklet teeth), the freckles never particularly bothered or thrilled (but again I was one who thought he really was naturally orange on AI until that snow white hand was held up again his face). Don't like the beard, but don't worry about as it will probably eventually go away. I might watch a TV show he recommends - just like I might watch one y'all recommend. But hell, guys I've dated haven't been able to influence me that much, let alone Clay. My fandom has added a level of passion for...I don't want to call it trivial stuff, but prior to this, my passions were reserved for only vitally important stuff. Throwing some passion at stuff that isn't life-or-death has been good for me. My big thing is that some don't seem to realize that Clay stuff really isn't life or death.

The fandom? I'm with FullyFunctional on the

It's really a shame for me, because my attitude about the fandom is so far away from the kind of euphoric "I found a community of strong women who share my interest in Clay! Yay!" state I was in 3 years ago.

I really don't get out and meet a lot of people - I've never been that social at the best of times and just never really took opportunities to meet people/women - and I have met a lot of friends in the Clay Nation. Of course, as I sort of expected, a lot of people began to work my nerves on closer acquaintance.....too many who confused "analytical thinking" with "spreading my version of gloom and doom far and wide"...too many for whom "fun" equals "pick apart so no one can enjoy"...too many for whom dogma trumps reason...too many cliques, too many secrets, too many faux experts, too many fake identities, too much of a sense of entitlement, too much whining about themselves, not enough real humor, too often an incredibly vocal minority setting the tone for entire boards....

ETA: Oooh, avoidance of unpleasant things! I wish I could use Clay as an excuse...but I am quite capable of just not doing them. Procrastination is my middle name. Happily, there really isn't a lot bad stuff going on in my life - in fact, I can't think of any except my job is boring as shit (but it's always been boring) but it pays fairly well and I get a lot of time off to go see Clay (and vacation and other stuff).

[Divayenta]

Muski, I think you are way too hard on yourself. When life gets bumpy and rough, I use the "boards" as a pacer, a way of down shifting. Doesn't mean I'm on them all the time, actually even less now. But it's a way of taking a breath, allowing myself to put things on the back burner and let stuff just process itself. I try to achieve balance in my life- still learning as a matter of fact.

I am grateful to Clay and the fandom for one thing for sure. When it all began, I was a very ill camper going through family strife, deaths and my own medical trauma. I had no energy, I was becoming reclusive. "Clayworld" helped to pull me out of it. It got me up and going and getting on planes like my big trip to "Broadfest" in St. Louis for the IT Tour with my dearly departed brave friend, Kathleen( Mother Superior). She was dealing with her first round of breast cancer and together we flew. And what a fantastic time we had with the Broads rockin' and rollin' it up at the Hard Rock Cafe. Musk, you would've been proud of me- there are pictures on the internet of me dancing on top of a table with a huge blown-up microphone.

So all in all, it's been a wonderful thing except for the black negativity of The Mess times.

Now I am stronger and more engaged in my life , although I am going through another "not knowing" time which can be scary. But that's about believing in my self, my way, my timing for my own unfolding. I'm thankful for THIS board because I can be my goofy self around nice people who also get a bang out of Clay.

[Claygasm]

BAD DALLAS NEWS!!!

I just got this email from the Nokia:

I received confirmation that Clay Aiken is canceling his date here on

July 7th to perform at Pizza Hut Park in Frisco for their July 4th

weekend event. We did not book nor are we promoting that show, so I

don't have any additional information regarding it.

What the hell is Pizza hut Park and why would doing that for July 4th make him cancel a July 7th date??