# 8 My titanium balled, taking his life into his big hands,

[playbiller]

You know.... I do think for some reason some good people have gotten stuck on high on the angst meter, Among things I have read people worrying about -

1) a veneer falling off while Clay sings

2) CLay going bald (this pops up from time to time when there is nothing else to fret about)

3) Clay being too fat, Clay being too thin, sometimes by the same person

4) Clay's double chin - I don't thinkit is a double chin if it only appears when you draw your head back, I need to look up the definition

5) Clay's hair - a constant topic - thankfully no one has ever posted a picture of me because my hair changes a lot from fluffy to sleek from long to short....A friend talked me into cutting my lifelong long hair to 1/2 length so I could enjoy the summer - what happened is a lot of people coming up to me and sayning "sir, can you....." - I don't wear jewelry or make up as a rule and I guess that is what defines a short haired woman..

6) Clay's feet and will turning them around backwards cripple him (old one)

7) Anything Clay says is bound to offend someone - some people don't like him involved with the UN because it is against their political beliefs, some think he is not religious enough, some think he is too religious

and there is a ton more

The point being - there will always be something to get upset about, but why bother? I confess that I do have my moments, such as being quite annoyed at PETA and some haters. But it does not last long because it is Clay's career and his job to do something about it, I have my own problems.

So, I can understand commenting on the teeth, but there are some people who are quite upset and that I do not understand.

Peace

[playbiller]

What the - are tickets on sale already??? Is he going to replace cool and the gang? Weird.

[jmh123]

Kool and the Gang was last year.

[Claygasm]

So much for things being "O"fficial when they're on the OFC! The Nokia is STILL listed over there!

[luckiest1]

Apparently Frisco, TX and Grand Prairie, TX are only 30 miles apart. So I can see why he wouldn't want to play two concerts so close together. I have no idea why the announced Grand Prairie and then cancelled it, though. {{{anyone who had travel plans for the Texas 2 fer already}}}

[playbiller]

Ah Claygasm - you avatar is so appropo for today, sigh.

Well, what ever. must talk to Donna.

ETA - this is not angst, just looking at options.

Army knife tantrum = Hee.

Edited April 9, 2007 by playbiller

[Claygasm]

What I don't get is why cancel a full concert at the Nokia to play at a soccor game?

Will he do a full concert - with an orchestra here?

Does this mean Houston won't be the first concert????

And what is so great about Pizza Hut Park to make them want to cancel the Nokia in favor of that?

[FullyFunctional]

muski, I can so relate to much of your post...

My life was in a bit of a rough spot during AI2... There were some seriously unresolved issues I wasn't dealing with, and Clay came along at the perfect time... Though I don't regret making new friends and traveling to concerts, I do regret that I shut out some people in my real life for a couple of years, and I regret letting my hobby become an emotional, all-encompassing obsession.

See, I think both of us are beating ourselves up a wee much, but I'd so much rather see people walk down the road of self-understanding than to see what I usually observe. Many times, fans would rather berate Clay than to take responsibility for their own actions. Many times, it's easier to find fault with Clay's teeth, career choices, personality, and statements in interviews than it is to admit that they have made their lives all about Clay. Some of the people I know who tend to be the most negative about Clay seem to have the least amount of insight into their own mind's machinations.

My big thing is that some don't seem to realize that Clay stuff really isn't life or death.

Thank you, KAndre. This is a siggy file waiting to happen.... Mind if I poach it?

*waves back at couch tomato*

I have to admit I was one who did buy almost everything early on, and I still do occasionally pick up a People magazine (and keep it) that has a mention or two of Clay in it. And I'm going to look for the new People with the AI connection here real soon. I also printed practically everything out from the web. That's stopped now -- too much paper!!!!

I not only bought everything early on, I felt the urge to buy multiple copies of publications. I think I was convinced that every magazine with Clay in it would become a collector's item someday, so it seemed like an investment. Now, I am very, very picky about what I purchase. So many of the articles are little throwaway items these days, or throw in snide little comments about Clay.

eta- I'm sorry about the Dallas concert! That apparently happened while I was busy typing away... Hugs to those who were planning to attend..

Edited April 9, 2007 by FullyFunctional

[ldyjocelyn]

I'm wondering if it's because this looks to be an outdoor venue, as compared to the Nokia. WHY he wants to play an outdoor venue in the middle of summer in Texas is beyond me, though.

In the meantime, I'm gonna pout now -- I'm not happy with the way this has turned out.

And I hope that Frisco, Texas knows what hit them this morning. *g*

[bottlecap]

Wow, muski - your post cut a little close to the bone for me. I have to admit that I may spend more time online (not completely Clay-related, but still...) than is probably good for me. I just had a really good illustration about that today. I took the day off of work since I have contractors here working on the roof of my carport, which is attached to my house. I left for a couple of hours to run some errands and have lunch with my mom. I immediately tried to get back online when I got home, only to find that the builders had cut my phone line in the process of their work, so I had no DSL. Panic set in - AAACCKKK! NO INTERNET! Obviously, they fixed it pretty quickly, since here I am. Still, there's plenty of stuff that needs to be done around my house that I put off to be online instead. I need to get over the "Refresh, refresh, refresh" obsession I have.

Hmmm about the Dallas / Frisco stuff. Hope that gets clearly sorted out soon.

[Divayenta]

I just posted this at the CH regarding the twists and turns of events of our "hero"!

Curiouser and curiouser.

eta: Clay: "Meep! Meep!" Yes, he's the Roadrunner and it seems like everyone else is Wile E. Coyote trying to make sense of this tour!!!!!!

Or he's the Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland who just dropped down the hole! Savonnette- he's a Fool archetype, too! The Rabbit- maybe that explains the new choppers!

I told you I was goofy and definitely a Fool!

(any Tarot enthusiasts around here?) :TourExcite:

[Claygasm]

And it gets stranger and stranger.

Someone at the OFC posted that they called Pizza Hut Park and spoke with someone there and out that they don't even have the information about who is performing there on that date. She said they said that it is booked for a concert but they don't know who will be performing!

He's gave up the Nokia for playing on a damn soccor field in front of a 28,000 drunk soccor fans - most of whom I am sure won't care who the hell he is, outside in Texas in July????

Is Team Clay really that stupid??????

ETA: I am sorry, but I cannot imagine any reason to justify changing something that has already been on the "O"fficial site - the site where we have been told is the only site we are to believe when it comes to all things Clay. If the Nokia wasn't set in gold, it shouldn't have been listed at the OFC. Tulsa isn't there, despite being on the Brady Theater website. Tampa isn't there despite being on the Tampa venue's website. So if the Nokia wasn't all tied up with a nice, neat little bow, it shouldn't have been listed at the OFC. Team Clay blew this one big time and now a lot of people will lose money over it. They believed what they had been told - that if it was at the OFC it was official. They got screwed big time.

Edited April 9, 2007 by Claygasm

[jmh123]

And it gets stranger and stranger.

Someone at the OFC posted that they called Pizza Hut Park and spoke with someone there and out that they don't even have the information about who is performing there on that date. She said they said that it is booked for a concert but they don't know who will be performing!

He's gave up the Nokia for playing on a damn soccor field in front of a 28,000 drunk soccor fans - most of whom I am sure won't care who the hell he is, outside in Texas in July????

Is Team Clay really that stupid??????

I don't think they are stupid, and so I expect there is a reason, and that it may become evident with time.

So sorry for all who have made plans that are now royally screwed up.

[Ansamcw]

Oh dear...just when I had the time to respond to all these wonderful posts...the Dallas news hit...

first of all.....((((to people with Dallas plans))))

Its really funny that Nokia was one of the first venues we heard about and they seemed to be very excited about this and now it was cancelled. I'm so sorry for those that already have plans and was looking forward to the Texas 2fer. Well it is still a Texas 2fer...just not quite the same.

Claygasm, I don;t think Nokia was cancelled because of Frisco...I have a feeling it was cancelled because of Tulsa and then they got the Frisco gig to replace Nokia so the Texans won't all be up in arms. Don't know what the nature of this concert will be...sounds pretty interesting. I also don;t think its about stupidity. We just don't know what the situation is...its possible some negotiations fell through with Nokia...maybe the promoters got nervous...But I am sure there is a reasonable explanation. If there was not Tulsa I would be more preplexed...but since there is a replacement concert, its not really that bizaare...Now regarding the type of event it is...we can't really be sure the same thing is happening this year as last year.

Muski...I totally agree with Diva...its really all about how you look at things. From what you shared, not only from this last post but your post these last months...it does not seem like you neglect your family or your job, you are still giving your girls a lot of time, worrying about your hubby and doing a great job hence your promotion. It seems to me that Clay is actually your coping mechanism. The one thing that is totally yours that you use to escape to when things are just too much or you need a bit of a breather. In my opinion this is a healthy thing cos it makes you face your stressors with a bit of a bounce or even a smile in your face when you think about the funny things Clay has done or just think of his hottest new look. I know us moms sometimes suffer from this guilty conscience because of this idea that we are supposed to put our family above all 24/7. I have grown to realize that this is really not possible. You owe it to yourself and ultimately...to your family to be happy and spiritually healthy and as long as you can maintain a balance between your needs and your families needs...its all good.

I know I was also dealing with a lot of stuff in the last few years and I did wonder if the Clay stuff let me get in a rutt. I realize now that with my situation...the Clay stuff actually was my savior. If I didn't find this hobby and this community, I think I woudl;ve turned into myself...gotten into a depression and became more clingy and dependent on my family. Now...I can see that I have my own interest...developed skills that are pretty marketable and I am allowing myself to be selfish and go have my adventure this summer on my own for the very first time.

Artquest welcome...hope you can jump in with the discussion more often...same with fully functional...love your posts.

The other night my daughter was straightening my hair while I was working on FCA and she asked me why I was still interested in Clay...My answer to her was...its just fascinating to follow his life and career and the fandom. Its like the best reality show for me that is why I do love speculating about this career..or what they are going to do next or how the industry affects Clay. But since I see this more as a reality show...I have a certain distance from it that I don;t really take his pitfalls to heart. I am not too anxious about him cos I know he is going to be great...so I can look at things in a more objective way.

The other reason why I am still pretty interested in Clay...is because I really really like him. I totally love his sense of humor, his intelligence, his childlike sense of fun, his idealism. Everything about him is really cool with me, even his faux pas and his insecurities.

ldyJ...right on with a marriage analogy...and to expand on that theme, I think the problem some fans have is that they don't know how to adjust to the changes. This is why some people divorce after a few months or in the first 2 to 3 years...cos they can't stand it when things get settled down. They like the excitement of being in love...if that is waning they go on to fighting and bitching mode cos to them at least its better than getting bored. I think this is why some fans just refuse to let things calm down. They like to instigate angst and would start worrying about the littlest things and start to create drama where there isn't any.

so now I will go and take a nap...the girls are off to a sleep over with their grandma...and I can now try and sleep my cold off. I hope by the time I get back the Texas concerts are all settled.

[Ansamcw]

I found this post by sugrbugr in the CH...that seems reasonable to me...Now she does not know anythign either, but she has been in touch with Nokia before...

We are only speculating that Clay's concert is actually on July 4th. All we have is someone at Nokia (not Pizza Hut Park) who indicated that the concert will be part of a 4th of July "weekend event". I can't imagine that a full symphony will be able to set up directly after a soccer game. It would be awesome to have his concert actually be on July 4th with the fireworks, etc., because it would probably be a huge turnout, but I'm not convinced that is the plan.

My guess is that Clay had trouble finding a local symphony willing to perform indoors at Nokia that time of year. Traditionally, local symphonies around here are performing in 4th of July outdoor festivals, like the big one in Garland. Frisco probably has a better symphony, a booming economy, and brand new fancy facility. It's all good for me. I'm hoping that the actual date will be around the time that folks who already made travel plans can still come.

ETA: About Nokia...they definately had Clay "scheduled" for July 7th but they did not have a final signed contract according to my contact there. I'm speculating that the holdup was finding a symphony. Unfortunately, this concert was listed as part of their upcoming shows on correspondence used to sell me a $1500 Club Membership, so they aren't exactly "innocent" in the confusion surrounding this show. However, I'm hoping that instead of everybody going all "Clay Aiken fan" on Nokia, that they instead pray for a Christmas concert there. My Club Membership and I would appreciate that!

ETA2: I can't remember a time that it has been unpleasant at an evening summer event in Texas. Baseball games, outdoor concerts, fireworks shows, amusement parks, patio dining....we do everything at night around here.

I think its a good thing to take note that we really don;t know anything definite yet about Frisco, TX. No one has made any announcements officially. Now I know that is very frustrating for some...but I expect they don't want to make anymore mistakes and are waiting for something definite from TC. I always thought this tour would be complicated...just because he needs a symphony and there aren't too many dates. They have to schedule this in such a way that they dont actually lose money from it and yet cover as much of the country as possible...that is a pretty tall order.

[Couch Tomato]

Hugs to everyone who had Dallas on their mind, especiallay those that have laid out any money. It's so weird as it seems both parties were so certain that it was happening. Cancellations happen but if there were no contract ever signed, then it should never have been listed on the OFC and the Nokia should not have sold packages/subscriptions to Clay fans.. It does appear that they chose Tulsa for whatever reason instead of Nokia..and the rest of the rumours don't seem reliable just yet. I hope everything gets cleared up fast.

Muski, you've been through a lot in the last year especially with parental issues. For me, it was as Ansa said, it was a respite - my fun place to get away because really, there was NO WAY the reality of what was going on could escape me.

[Clayzorback]

WOW. What interesting reading. That's hard to come by on message boards these days. *g*

1st off, I'm truly sorry for those who have booked non refundable flights. Goes to show you how much I fly. I figured you could get a refund if you canceled that far in advance. I feel bad that Clay isn't going to be at Nokia but I really think he has a greater opportunity to play to a larger audience at the outdoor event. Especially if it is in conjunction with the 4th of July activities.

As to my feelings about Clay. Have they changed? The only thing I feel different about Clay now than I did when I first saw him on AI, is sympathy. I have never felt so sorry for someone in my entire life. Funny when I first saw him, I knew I was looking at a superstar in the making. I was watching something bigger than life happen before my eyes. I was sooooo angry when he was deprived of his bragging rights on AI. I found the boards the day after AI2, and I set out on a mission to right a wrong. I haven't looked back yet. He is destined for greatness I thought. I wanted to be a part of this journey. I was in a hurry, though. I wanted everything for him and I wanted it right now. I wanted it how I thought it should be, because don't you know, I thought my way was the best way, to make him a success. *g* I'm all about the long term success. Trouble is it's taking longer than I thought and my way isn't Clay's way. Once I figured that out I could stop fretting so hard, worring and angsting so hard. However, I'm tired now. I can't continue to keep up the pace. I have a life and it should not revolve around one Mr. Clay Aiken for another 4 years. Not at the same intensity.

Why do I feel sorry for Clay. I feel so sorry for him because he has had the misfortune to attract some of the world's worst misfits as fans. A huge albatross around his neck. Sure Clay has a bunch of wonderful fans. Fans that give generously and are truly fans. Fans who have done wonderful productive things for his charity and to help him. However they are being driven off in droves by this vocal group of misfits and know it alls. I think the best thing Clay could do, to promote himself, is to close down the message board on his OFC. Most real fans have gone from there, and the vocal majority, of who is left, are pretend fans who are unhappy and want to ruin the atmosphere for the remaining members. It is now just this small handful of people talking to each other and not realizing that no one else gives a dam what they have to say, or is listening anymore. They just keep spouting their same old mantra. Not happy unless they have rained on everyone's parade and ran everyone off. This is the only place they are accepted and if it wasn't a paid for membership they would of been kicked out on their collectives asses at most other boards. Well, that is at one time. It seems now though, that other boards are jumping on the doom and gloom and conspiracy agendas like rats on a drowning ship. Sad little lives.

However Clay is mad talented and he will be a success in spite of his fans but some of his OTT fans, IMHO, are the biggest part of the reason why it is taking him longer. I will always love Clay and support him. He will not make me leave. It will be some of his fans that will turn me away, like they have already done to a lot of others. It is some of his fans that have made me and others so unhappy and so sad, for Clay, this past year. Clive Davis and RCA didn't kill ATDW. His fans killed it. Plain and simple.

A lot of you have posted most of my thoughts, already, in a much better way than I could. Usual disclaimer: I am speaking in generalities and am well aware that Clay has more good fans than bad. I also want to express my feelings of rapture for finding a message board that I feel I can belong to and relate to.

Edited April 9, 2007 by Clayzorback

[Claygasm]

From CV by way of CH:

Posted by Untolddarkness on the CB.

I HAVE NEWS, PEOPLE!

I just called up the ticket representative at Frisco.

Clay will be performing on July 4th after the football game.

If you purchase a ticket to the football game, it will get you into the concert, and it will JUST BE CLAY – no other artists.

I’m starting to feel a little better about this whole thing, and where-as the heat will be a problem, it will be exciting to see Clay on the 4th of July, especially since there are no other artists to contend with.

The representative told me to call him back within a couple of weeks time for ticket prices and information on when they will go on sale and how we can purchase them.

~~Emma~~

Of course, the Nokia is still on the OFC and no mention of Clay being post soccer entertainment before a crowd of drunken fans who are delirious from the heat of the day!

Edited April 9, 2007 by Claygasm

[playbiller]

And by football they mean soccer? Seems a little warm for an American Foot ball game - I know Texans love their football from my long time Texas , now New Hampshire friend, but there are some limitations on the season - no?

[KAndre]

I love Clay.

There is no way in hell I am sitting my ass outside on the 4th of July to listen to ANYBODY in Frisco, Texas.

Ain't gonna do it.

But it really doesn't sound like a part of the concert tour at all. It sounds...strange.

Claygasm, you go and report back to us. In the air conditioning.

[Clayzorback]

So I'm thinking this venue will just be with his band. No orchestra. :Tour3:

If you think it will be hot kandre, just wait till Clay starts up!!! The temperature will go up a few notches for sure. If I could go to two the heat wouldn't bother me. Short shorts, a tank top, and flip flops.

[muskifest]

Shit. Guess 2007 isn't my year to make it to a first concert of a tour, after all.

July 4th? THat's my birthday, damn it! Of course, I'd love to be there so that I could make an utter ass of myself by screaming out, "It's my birthday today, Clay! I need a birthday _ _ _ _ from you REAL bad!" amid a stadium full of drunk soccer fans who thought they were hanging around in the blistering heat to listen to country star Chet Atkins...

ain't happenin', folks :glare:

I'm having serious issues here re: the OH-ficial website news AND Nokia selling subscriptions based on unconfirmed artist appearances. Not even Clay issues. Just common business practice and customer service/courtesy issues. I hope those who've incurred costs based on those premature promotions can get some sort of satisfaction.

My family and I are attending an Oakland A's baseball game on the evening of July 3---tailgating party beforehand (Couchie! you going to that game? wanna find us in the parking lot for a beer or two and some tailgating grub?) then the game, followed by fireworks. No Clay for me until Houston...I'll just pretend it's the first concert. Yeah! That works! :Tour3:

And thanks to all for your thoughtful posts in response to my paragraph of questions. And for your friendship. Now...time for me to go grab my daily dose of Diet Coke :F_05BL17blowkiss:

ETA: Clayzorback....saw this

Short shorts, a tank top, and flip flops.

and it gave me an idea. Maybe I WILL go to this concert! If I wore this outfit, the damned stadium full of drunks would sober up and clear out right fast and I'd be able to mosey on up to the front to get that Clay _ _ _ _ after all! Edited April 9, 2007 by muskifest

[bottlecap]

Yes, it's a soccer game. And depending on who's answering the phone and at what venue, they either have never heard of him, or haven't signed anything yet. Yee HAW!

[YSRN]

Okay, since this is the one place I feel fine talking about this, here goes....Are any of you experiencing a change in your feeling towards Clay lately? Are there things about being a fan of Clay that are different? Do you see your involvement, interest, investment in or attachment to him as having changed to a degree that you don't enjoy him or it as much? If so, what do you attribute the difference in your excitement level to?

My feelings towards Clay have changed frequently. Some stuff I love... some stuff is ok... some stuff is huh?, but mostly, it's good for me. My feeling towards the fandom have changed frequently too.

I’m a board ho mostly because I like the celebration part and I like the casual aquaintance part. I mostly come out when Clay’s around, because I am a much better babbler in person... the typing thing takes too much time and I not very good at articulating what I want to say in one long-ass post. So, therefore, here is one.

To me, this is simply a shared experience. I don’t mind people’s opinion on it. I don’t care if people whine or bitch or complain. I don’t mind if people paint their bodies orange, or wear blinkies and tiaras. I don’t care if people want to sit quietly by. I don't care if fans pontificate on hair or song selection, or shoes or waldo or write smut or angelwingy poetry and letters. We all come at this differently... from being SOLELY there to “support” Clay, all the way to “just there for him to deliver the good stuff”. And everywhere in between. It is my opinion nobody has any right over any one else’s “enjoyment” of the experience.

The only time it bugs me is when people comment on other people's true fan-ness, or when people stick their noses directly in Clay's business. That, and the outright lying on the boards by other fans, the cliques, the mass finger-pointing, the “OMG, how stupid can you be, can’t you see Clive is RUINING Clay?” and all that backchannel shit that is full of lies. There are a few seriously messed up, deluded people in this fandom, that's for sure.

Anyway, I can’t imagine a group of men chiding other men in the baseball stadium for “not supporting their players” in the way each individual feels is appropriate. Yes, Clay is a human being, but he’s also an entertainer. When I'm talking about Clay's teeth or sharing my fandom with CLAY AIKEN (singer), I'm coming from a fan perspective, not a human-to-human perspective. I have ZERO guilt when I say right now that My Giants SUCK! It’s all part of the experience and I’m not worried that I’m going to hurt Barry Bonds’ feelings. But, I do realize that he has them. I'm not going to go wait outside the stadium at the end of the game and tell him he sucks to his face, but I'll be dammed if I can't say it on a message board. It’s a fine line... it’s the entertainment world.

I don’t want Barry to hit those home runs for himself and his pride. I want them for me and the baseball records. Just like when my team goes to the World Series - I don't care about it for them...I'm not all "awww, how sweet, my boys must be so happy...". Though I am very sentimental about baseball; I cry at opening day ceremonies and old timers games and stuff... but it's the competition of the sport I guess. It's more like... "wooT, MY team is better than YOUR team!" That’s my training. So, when I talk about Clay’s teeth, for example, it’s about me.

OF COURSE, in real life I can understand that he didn’t do it for me. And really, I’m not that selfish of a human being that I’d want him to be unhappy to please me. Seriously. And I don’t understand the accusations of such a thing either from some people who rush to make sure I understand how selfish I’m being by telling me it's about him and his happiness. Circle back to “we’re all fans for, and of, different things”.

I don’t “love” Clay. I love him though. I love him like ice cream. And baseball. I love how he affects ME. Which is totally different than I love him, therefore I sacrifice anything for his happiness. I don’t. I think some fans expect that of other fans though. I adore him and I want him to be happy, of course, but I want that for every human on this earth. In the fandom experience though, I don’t need everyone to be the same. Or like the same things. And I most definitely don’t need them to be quiet if they don’t have anything positive to say! *shudder* I want to hear what real people think, otherwise I could just talk to myself and hear what I wanna hear all day. The "true fan" thing drives me insane!

My dad used to tell my mom how to do every.thing. She'd look at him and say, "if you wanted to marry yourself, why'd you marry me?"

Sometimes it gets to me... there are two places I used to go that I don't much anymore because nobody really cares what you have to say; they don't "hear" you... they just categorize you and then you're shunned. So, even though I'm a board ho, sometimes I prefer to hide out on the smaller boards because they seem (like here) to allow individuals to be individuals, rather than fall into a prescribed pattern. Places I can express my thoughts without being judged. There’s a lot of that going on in the fandom, and I can’t take it.

Sure, Clay’s a human being deserving of respect, but there’s a difference between respect and sycophantism. Is that a word? heh! Did he ask me? No. But my fellow fans do, and I protect my right to speak honestly... I'm NOT going to simply post I love Clay Aiken every five seconds.

I don’t like his teeth. Big whoop. Doesn’t change my feelings for him, but it definitely affects me. And I doubt he cares what I think. If someone asks, I say so... but I don't run to post about it constantly, and I'm definitely not mad.

So I TRY to live and let live. If people are “negative”, that’s ok for me to a degree. It’s when they try to insist that anyone else’s feelings are wrong, or damaging, or whatever. Of course, there are obvious people who really are wrong (haters and some really OTT fans), but I’m not talking about them... I’m talking about the regular fan who is a fan, but doesn’t like this or that and is immediately shunned for saying such a thing. The ones who pop out at any given slight to make sure we all realize that this MUST be part of the big conspiracy - the broken records, the ones who use everything to prove their point over.and.over.and.over again - I can do without. I do know how to scroll though.

My fandom re: Clay. Still adore him. Love following his career. Get giddy as hell when he’s around.

It's really a shame for me, because my attitude about the fandom is so far away from the kind of euphoric "I found a community of strong women who share my interest in Clay! Yay!" state I was in 3 years ago. Overall, though, allgood.gif

And actually, I've grown into this. I DO find a community of strong women who share my interest in Clay. And other things. I find them here. I find them at CP. I find them at WMS/GCA. I find them within some of the larger boards.

I am lucky that I have that still. It’s not the same as it used to be by any stretch, as I learned that when I got closer to some people, I, um, didn’t so much connect anymore. But I do have some really good friends and I treasure that.

But, after a while, I knew that things would settle down into a more comfortable phase, both for Clay's sake (IMO), and mine. The intensity can still be there (the gala night was a big case in point -- and I had a blast that evening, even if I wasn't there), but I now know that it doesn't need to be like that every waking moment of every waking day. I still love Clay and find myself excited when he appears somewhere, but it's just more settled.

Definitely... I don’t really “miss him” when he’s off the job. I’ll see him when he shows up, celebrate it then, and then go clean something, water something, work on something, and when he reappears, I’ll be back EEEEEeeing again. I’m not scurrying around trying to figure out when or where... he’ll be here when he’s here. But, then, I don’t buy concert tickets in advance or pack before the morning of a trip either. It’s just my nature and I don’t fight it.

On another subject - the teeth. Muski and I have discussed the new teeth and how it effects his smile etc because honestly I just didn't get it. I have been thinking about why it doesn't bother me (except for initially being taken aback by the glow in the dark brightness of the new teeth!). I think for me it is because when Clay smiles, he doesn't just smile with his mouth. He smiles with his eyes, with his face, with his soul. There are some people whose whole being light up when they smile. Clay is one of them. I guess because of that I never looked that closely at his mouth when he smiled. I still don't.

Hmm... how to explain. I have a huge circle of flowers in front of my house. I love it. I tend to it daily. I planted a bucketful of tulip bulbs in it. ... then the gophers ate them.

It’s still a beautiful display, but the tulips are gone. I notice that. I’m detail oriented, and visual, and they were my favorites. So, while I still LOVE the bed, I miss the tulips. Doesn’t take away from the entire experience, but it’s something that strikes me occasionally. Like missing my cat. I have another cat, but it's not my Mo. Dunno. I guess I can't describe it very well.

Clay’s smile is beautiful because it reaches my heart. His teeth reached a more shallow, different place. *shrug* Like I said... big whoop! In the grand scheme, it matters not, but it's a reality that sometimes we focus on the details within the scheme.

muski... I reached that revelation sometime last year, and I will, somewhat embarrassingly, admit to having a tearful, serious hole-in-my-heart reaction when I realized it. BAM... my fandom had become an addiction. Something I didn’t mean to get addicted to because I already had a really full life. But I did. And when I realized it was not as fulfilling as it felt like it originally was, I felt a HUGE sense of loss. Then, after about a month, I got over it. And it all mellowed out for me. I hope the same for you. Because it is sweeter now. Truly. **hugs**

My big thing is that some don't seem to realize that Clay stuff really isn't life or death.

Exactly!

I have never felt so sorry for someone in my entire life. Funny when I first saw him, I knew I was looking at a superstar in the making. I was watching something bigger than life happen before my eyes. I was sooooo angry when he was deprived of his bragging rights on AI. I found the boards the day after AI2, and I set out on a mission to right a wrong.

The only time I’ve ever felt sympathy for Clay was at the beginning of the JP bullshit. I don’t now. I did for a short time. He doesn’t need my sympathy. He’s a big boy and he did just fine. I’m proud of how he handled all of that shit...handled it how he wanted to. At least that’s my impression.

I don’t feel sorry for him for his wacko fans who see a “PLAN” in every little slight either. I guess I just think he can handle it.

Hello, the grocery bagger didn’t give me my yogurt yesterday... FUCKER IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE MY DIET WHICH MEANS I’LL BE FAT FOR MY CLAY AIKEN CONCERT WHICH MEANS THE MEDIA WILL PROBABLY TAKE MY PICTURE TO PROVE CLAY ONLY HAS FAT OLD LADIES AS FANS AND CONTINUE THE MOCKERY OF HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@1111 OHMYGOD! *looks suspiciously around for Clive or Roger or the ticketing agency*

Heh... ‘cuse me. I have no desire to right any wrongs for Clay. I just feel he is capable of steering his own ship and I’m merely here for the ride. Or a ride. Or to be ridden. Or something.

I have some very good friends from this experience. And I plan to keep them for life. Unless they turn into freaks too. Hee.

Sorry, that was long. And probably seriously disjointed. Well, that's my brain. It's a mess in there.

That Dallas situation sucks for those that bought tickets and airfare. Sorry!

Edited April 9, 2007 by YSRN

[ldyjocelyn]

This is one of those afternoons where....I'm just going to sit back, take a deep breath, and try to relax about this whole thing. Yes, it seems to be a major screw up by someone -- the problem is we just don't know WHO. My guess? We'll never find out the whole story of what was going on in the background for this. Yes, TC and TM announced the Nokia show. Maybe they were told "everything is a go" by the venue, only for the shit to hit the fan later because the conductor of the orchestra said "whoops." Maybe TC should have waited for the dotted lines to be signed before announcing.

In a way, this whole situation is sounding like Conspiracy Theory, v. 2.0. And my reaction to that is similar to my reacton to CT 1.0 -- never assume anything (I've learned my lesson on that, thanks to wanting to buy plane tickets -- BTW, Clayzorback, I could cancel the flight in this instance, but I've already got great seats for Houston!). I don't know the behind the scenes stuff, and at this point, I'm just gonna have to patiently wait.

Deep breaths.

YSRN, I like your style, even if we disagree about the teeth. Sorry about the gophers and your flowers, though. :F_05BL17blowkiss: