# 12 An Evening With His Royal Highness Fantasy Fodder

ldyjocelyn · July 30, 2007

From the BAF page here:

August 28 - Clay Aiken to appear on "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Celebrity Edition (Taping)
Clay will compete on the popular game show with all winnings going to the Foundation. (Air Date will be announced later.)

Keep an eye on this page for tickets, especially you California peeps!

ETA: I've added a skit posted by strummer6 *waves* to our collection of skits pages here. I thought it was a good one, myself. Check it out!

*waves to Shady as well*

As far as the "conspiracy" thread title...sowwy. I'll put it in the suggestions for next time!

Couch Tomato · July 30, 2007

Clayzor:

I'm not really wondering. Clay should have thought of it frankly. Apparantly he didn't. He also could have turned them down. He didn't. He should have a feel for who his mods are.

Yeah, it's hilarious to me what is being dismissed as Clay not being able to say something because of RCA or because he is emotionally scarred for life. :cryingwlaughter: Simple shit like he writes his own blogs or that RCA is highly unaware of what's being done and said there. I guess people thought somebody at RCA was hanging on to every word in some of those threads.

Bwah about the shoes. I feel better now.

~~And the day all of Clay Nation mods get m&g everyone at FCA will get mod status heeee~~

muskifest · July 30, 2007

And the day all of Clay Nation mods get m&g everyone at FCA will get mod status heeee

Including Smut Mods, no doubt.... :whistling-1:

Aaargh! First the thermostat goes on the blink and now the downstairs toilet! :scream:

I'm glad I'm getting the heck out of Dodge in a few hours...might not have ONE working appliance or electronic device in our warstruck house by midnight...

Hey Scarlett, KAndre or whoever has my binoculars! Since I have no idea where you guys are sitting anywhere and since I have no idea which, if any, of the concerts I'll be able to get to, could you please get the binoculars to Claygasm somewhere in your first two concert experiences? Since I KNOW I won't be at either of those, but have a chance that I'll hook up with her for the Greek and Indio, she can hold on to them for me...

Thanks! Now...off to wash the doggie.... :F_05BL17blowkiss:

laughn · July 30, 2007

OH, (muski again)...remember that really cute dog pic that YSRN posted of her doggie "Lucky"? Well, don't let the 'cute' fool ya....That canine has been humping Ansa nonstop!
I bet that would be Clay...all cute and all...and then.....

I'm thinking that's how Lucky got his name...LOL Glad you all had a wonderful, shoes ass-backwards time at YSRN's...and may the party continue for all those heading to their concerts this week!

Claygasm, pretty, pretty pictures...always more special when they are yours and you know you were the one standing there taking them. It's like an extra rush or something.

The part of the BFS M&G info that I loved was when Clay said those tour concepts were his, you know, the JBT and JNT2. Maybe a bit cheesy on the vignettes, Mr. Aiken, but it shows me the man has his creative juices flowing. hee. Take that any way you want.

I love me some creativity to go along with that pretty face and gorgeous voice.

YSRN · July 30, 2007

If the pants get any lower he'll need a hard-on to keep them up. [ 3 ]

Gee, wonder who voted on that? Guesses? LOL!!!

I get into Oakland at 5:10pm. I would LOVE to see you. Couchie is picking me up so if you guys can work something out that would be way cool!

I bet we can!! Wee.

I'm thinking that's how Lucky got his name...LOL

:cryingwlaughter:

Awesome recap from BFS... I'm thrilled she got to meet Clay! I don't really care how it happened...all of them deserve some recognition... like I said over there...it doesn't occur to me to thank my mods on getclayaiken, but if they asked, I'd be happy to oblige. Maybe they want a M&G with me... :lol:

I'm still so fricking behind; I haven't even downloaded the pictures from my camera yet from NH... there isn't too much cuz the lighting there sucks, but I bet there's one or two gems to be had, as always!

Good luck on your trip, Muski!!

How is your sty doing?

Hee, clayzor!

KAndre · July 30, 2007

I have binoculars. Nice binoculars. Perfect for viewing terribly attractive nose hairs. Is someone suggesting I return the binoculars (either at Pala or The Greek or Indio) to someone who doesn't appreciate the glory of nose hairs?!?!? Cha!

OK, yes I know I've skipped Tulsa and Philly, but will return to those later...my freakin' lord, I've got to talk about this weekend

YSRN · July 30, 2007

Bwah... I'm on a Clay high, peeps!

I just got an email to notify me that my weekly conference calls have changed some of the call-in codes:

NEW PIN #: 6969

:lol:

Couch Tomato · July 30, 2007

Claygasm looks like the twins will meet after all. YSRN and I are working something out.

Laughn - those concerpts for the JNT and JBT were pure Clay. I understand JBT05 wasn't everybody's cup of tea (although I think we discovered that the gang of 4 from yesterday loved it in all it's schmaltzy goodness) but he has to step out there with his creativity. Maybe it doesn't always work for everyone. But you don't learn or grow if you don't try.

Even though I do think people will interpret things all kinds of ways, I'm still thrilled Clay is talking because we're debating something real, something he said and not something just made up by people. There's a huge difference IMO. And frankly the more I learn that a particular people is false (no ATDW on this tour, album out this year of the songs he recorded in 05, leaving RCA going to Warner or David's company etc) the more I'm not inclined to believe anything new they come up with.

Muski is being a good girl. She crossed off a few more things on the list cuz she called me about them.

jmh123 · July 30, 2007

Taking a break from working hard on a project today. I've been reading some recaps at the CB. One was from the daughter of the man who hollered out to Clay that it was cooler in Row N. Here's a bit of another one that's really cute:

My sister in law came with me to the show. She is a fan, but she does not follow everthing Clay does, nor did she know anything about this tour. I was good and I didn't give away too much. She was totally blown away by Clay. She is more smitten with him than I am. She is ready for the Christmas tour and is willing to drive to Connecticut (please note she did not want to drive 15 minutes to go to Newark) to see him. My sister in law is willing to work overtime to get good seats from a broker.
She could not get over how funny he is and said he had this stage magnetism that she never saw before.

You can read the whole recap here, CB Newark recaps thread, page 4, and more good ones in the rest of the thread.

This picture from CV's mustbeeme is a hoot:

Edited July 30, 2007 by jmh123

bottlecap · July 30, 2007

^^ "Kid, don't even go there. It's not happening in this lifetime." :cryingwlaughter:

YSRN · July 30, 2007

Hey Claygasm...

What kind of food do you want to eat after a long day of flying?

Hee, that picture of Jerome is hilarious! :cryingwlaughter:

ETA... KAndre, your recaps are so damn funny! I might have to steal this line:

Unhappily for me, Mother Nature is a bigger bitch than I can ever dream of being.

Edited July 30, 2007 by YSRN

KAndre · July 30, 2007

Happy belated birthday, Diva doll! I woulda posted on the appropriate day, but was too busy flirting with the tour bus driver.

OK, yes I know I've skipped Tulsa and Philly, but will return to those later...my freakin' lord, I've got to talk about this weekend where apparently the Torontotitians decided they loved me so much they wanted to KEEP my ample ass and how that “being nice” crap simply does NOT work for the eHP.

OK, as y’all probably noticed I decided to go to Canada for my birthday and after much research, querying actual and artificial Canadians on the boards and looking up Canada in Wiki, I decided to go to Toronto because Perusing One was planning on bribing me with tickets to Idol the Musical and freakin’ good seats in Newark. I choose the Metropolitan Hotel because it looked pretty on the website (yes, I know I’ve been burnt this way before – I like doing the same thing over and over again. One day I shall get a different result and do “neener neener neener” at all of you!) and for downtown Toronto it was only a hundred bucks a night. But these weren’t the old delightful Canadian bucks, nooooooo, these were those new expensive Canadian bucks! Of all this time for you people to get rich! So I have a 6:45 pm flight from Houston. I tell my boss I’m leaving at 3:30p. I actually leave by 3:45p (which is a miracle because my boss has got to be related to Scarlett – we also have to provide that hour “leeway”) Go home, get my suitcase, notice it’s only 4 pm, look at the foot that had surgery and wonder why my podiatrist just didn’t do the pedicure thing while I was under – with what I’m paying him, I should have had spa pedicure as well. So I go get one. I love my manicure and pedicure people as they let me cut in line and I get done by 5 pm. Unhappily for me, I realize that 5 pm is the actual start of rush hour. So what is normally a 35 minute drive turned into like a 75 minute drive. Why the hell don’t people get off at 6? Having remembered what happened to me at the damn Terminal C parking (y’all will have to hear about that in the Philly recap – suffice it to say that when the revolution comes, they will have to fill out their OWN damn paperwork to be lined up and shot.) So I whip into Terminal E parking – plenty of parking besides no one but an idiot would do daily parking at the International Terminal. However, I am such an idiot as it is now 6:25 and you know those bastards plan on shutting the door at 6:30. I clear customs by delicately growling at people who didn’t bother to get a pedicure an hour before their flight and thereby were embarrassed to show their gnarly little toes and go in front of them, hoof it down the runaway, and slow down when I get to the gate. YAY! Rain delay! (That was clearly karma foreshadowing my ass; however, I didn’t actually pay any attention as this benefited me. Unhappily for me, Mother Nature is a bigger bitch than I can ever dream of being. We leave 15 minutes later than schedules, I get upgraded to first class, all is well with the world, the lovely stewardess serves me lovely wine, then a Bailey’s , then another wine and I’m sayin’ to myself, “This is tasty” until she figures I’m wasted enough not to notice the inedible crap she lovingly placed before me. I swear it looked like some kind of K-9 rations. But I digress. (I digress a lot, because I feel linearity is way overrated).

I land at Pearson and excessively helpful Canadians in uniforms tell me where I need to catch the Airport Express bus – then they actual walk me over there. I like Canadians in uniform! Though they weren’t Mountie uniforms. As I’m waiting for the bus at 1 in the morning, other helpful Canadians offer me rides in their car. One mentions he has money. I think to myself, “My! How oddly friendly and generous these strange male Canadians are!” Happily, the bus driver shortly appears before I demonstrate friendly though not so lucrative hand gestures at the nice Canadian men. I am the first on the bus, but not the last and off we go to downtown Toronto. I swear, if I’m lyin’ I’m dyin, the bus driver and all the other people on the road – drive less than the speed limit. It is almost beyond my comprehension. And those signs with the numbers in the crowns are freakin’ misleading. If I see something that says Speed Limit 90, I expect to haul ass, not let little old ladies merge safely! I get to my hotel, which is right behind City Hall, and I recognize the outside, thought it is now clearly the photo has been seriously cropped, but the lobby is impressive. I am very fond of impressive lobbies. I get my key to 1222, and head upstairs. As soon as I get off the elevator, I recognize the style of hotel – it has “atmosphere” which can be translated as “there is no remodeling budget in the foreseeable future as our damn chief accountant has discovered Photoshop and can fool people!” It was also weird to be in a hotel room in July that honest to goodness the air conditioning was superfluous. I think I had Freon withdrawal for a minute. I crawled into bed and dreamed of conquering Canada.

Popped up around 8 the next morning, pulled out the ever-present “My Lord! We are so frickin’ grateful you came to our fair city! Here’s a magazine full of ads of places that the native people don’t go because they are stupidly overpriced!” I circle many of these places and off I go. The concierge was excessively helpful (y’all are gonna see this phrase A LOT) and seemed to be proud of me taking the effort to walk to see the CN Tower. He told me to cut through the park, turn right on Queen, left on John and I would run into the Tour (that’s French for tower according to a variety of signs up there. I noticed they had everything in English and French, but the French stuff was longer. Apparently they don’t charge by the word). In the hotel magazine, they mentioned a breakfast brunch place that was a Quebec landmark, so of those I had to go there. The guys in line let me cut (did I mention, I really LIKE Toronto guys?) and the breakfast was to die for. Then I went up in the CN tower, danced a little on the glass floor, went up higher in the observation thingie (147 stories is way up there – especially if you can’t see jack). The lovely bus and boat ride dude was excessively helpful and showed me how white he was (though I have to admit, it was hard to miss, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings) and I ‘admired’ the pale fishbelly whiteness. Just like I do with Clay. He let me pay less than the other people because it was my birthday. Oddly enough, in a way Toronto reminds me a little of Houston, in being so freakin’ needy about being important. They have a Flatiron building. Back in the 70’s they had the tallest skyscraper outside of NYC, LA, Chicago and somewhere else – which was such an odd fact and fit in with the rest of the odd facts – trying to beat the idea that “We’re a world class city, really! I swear”. I boated around some islands and the tour guide said they had the Guinness record for the the short ferry boat ride – like 30 seconds or something and they had built a new boat for millions of dollars to make the ferry ride more efficient (‘cause you know that 30 seconds was killing them) and the thing cause on it inaugural voyage) and I’m thinking, if the ride is only 30 second, build a damn bridge. I got back on the bus and the driver (who was an even better flirt than the guide) offered to drop me off back at my hotel so I could change. I didn’t realize that he planned on doing it in the middle of the tour. Using the bus. But I was appreciative. Just not appreciative enough to go out with him later. So I change to go out in the evening, and in the park by City Hall was a food truck. And on the food truck it said, “Poutine – large - $5.00”. And I vaguely remembers that it was some sort of high end Canadian food. So I ordered it. And the cook of thrilled. And he put extra cheese and dark brown gravy on my fries. Because apparently that was was Poutine is. Like Heinz gravy in a jar. And some he claimed was cheese, but seemed way too organic (and I mean that in a petrochemical way, not some sort of health nut way). I took a mouthful, and proceeded to nod and smile with no teeth showing until I got around the corner followed by a huge number of pigeons and seagulls who apparently know what was coming and he couldn’t see me expel that stuff much faster than I took it in.

So I head to the Laugh Resort as there is supposed to be some sort of Comedy convention going on, and sort got on the front row and now a group of Canadians think I’ve some sort of golddigging American invasion force. Not sure how they got that idea. Though I might have told them. The LI iced teas were good. The show was done by ten. I was back in my room by eleven. I pack my stuff, ask for a wakeup call at 3:30 am, and watch about 15 minutes of the oddest show I’ve ever seem. Some guy from a romance cover steals some bride and the groom is killed except some other guy puts a bracelet on him that cleans the skin but not the clothes and he comes back to life and the cover boy’s homies kill more people and cover boy who’s never seen a car does a Vulcan mind meld on bridey…and it goes downhill from there. So by 11:50, I’m in bed since I’ve gotta get up at 3 in the frickin’ morning, when I think my wakeup call goes off. Which I ignore ‘cause I’m tired and I accidentally knock the phone and the alarm clock off the nightstand but noise doesn’t go away and I finally realize it’s the damn fire alarm. I’m ashamed to say, I then spent 10 minutes trying to turn the damn thing off, including hiting it with whatever was handy. It finally dawned on me that perhaps there was something wrong – maybe even a fire – and I stopped hitting it, found the phone and tried calling the front desk. Who oddly enough didn’t answer. Keep in mind people, I really was exhausted, but then I though, “Well, if the front desk won’t answer, maybe I should just go back to bed.” It seemed like a reasonable though at the time. Then I thought, “Oh, shit, I need to put on some clothes.” Then I though, “maybe not – if I don’t get dressed now and run out of the hotel naked later, I could take a nap now.” I was really that tired, people. Someone came over the intercom and babbled the fire trucks were on the way – don’t panic stay where you are. I stuck my head out the window, no smoke or fire – stuck my head out of the hall – nada and then proceeded to lie down everytime that damn alarm went off. They finally cleared everything by 1:30. The bastards called me at 3:30. I get up, check out, explain to the desk clerk that I want to hurt a variety of people for me getting less than 3 hours of sleep. She agreed it was terrible and bum rushed me out of the hotel so I didn’t miss my bus, which arrived at 4 am. My flight was at 6:45 am, but I knew I had to do international customs and the duty-free shop was calling my name. We get to my terminal by 5, I stroll my happy ass in there – and there are lines as far as the eye can see. Which is not reassuring. I go to the delightful Elite counter and say, I’m not checking anything I swear, I just wanna get on my plane. I’m meeting my friends, I’m gonna see my boyfriend, it’s a frickin’ hour flight. She sez, “Where ya goin’?” I sez, optimistically “Newark”. I can see the demonic aura overlaying her as she sez, “All the Newark flights have been cancelled. Continental. Air Canada. American. United. All of them. “ I asked what the hell did they do? She said none of the flight showed up from last night. I stand at the counter for 45 minutes while she tried every permutation known to mankind to get my butt to NYC, including routes through Cleveland, Chicago, Boston and Atlanta on any airlines available. Finally she offers a US Airways flight to Philly that lands at 11:18 am and taking a connecting flight that leaves at 11:40 am. Sure I have every faith in the freakin’ world I can make it. I go to my gate. I board the plane. I have a row all to myself, in the back of the plane. I realize I will have to run over people to escape. I have no problems with this. The pilot proceeds to then putz around on the damn runway, claiming more bags had to be loaded. I had my damn bag. We needed to get the bag of bolts in the air! We finally take off. Make pretty good time. Touch down about 11:10. A little early, good, good. We then spend 15 goddam minutes taxiing around the concourse. Solo (who’s timing is impeccable) then calls me to ask where the hell I at, as it’s clear I ain’t in Newark. I tell her Philly and I got a connection to make. She tells me to stay my ass in Philly as she’s on the damn turnpike since Scarlett is also now on her way to Philly. I guess some giant force field decided to surround Newark because it turns out PerusingOne missed her flight to Newark and ended up at JFK. That’s why the eHP says “Screw planning”. That shit does NOT work. As I finally exit the plane at 11:30 and ask the gate attendant how to make my connection, he explains I have to run to the end of the terminal, catch some freakin’ bus on the tarmac, and it would take me two terminals away in time to miss the goddam flight. So I decided to take Solo’s advice. Three hours later, Scarlett shows up. And I’ll be damned if for the first time in her life, she didn’t bother checking something. She did bring Express Mail packages though. Not to mail though. Apparently just to carry from city to city. We notice Solo’s still hasn’t shown up yet. We call her and find she still sitting on the turnpike. PerusingOne, who was the last to leave her frickin’ house (having missed her plane because of her own fault – and no matter what she says the plane did not leave two minutes early)\ actually beat us to the hotel. Solo’s eventually shows up, we pile into the car, Solo for some unknown reason puts her stuff by the water cooler that leaks whenever it feels like it. Especially when it’s next to stuff we don’t want to get wet. We arrive at the hotel just time to shower, spread Solo’s soaking wet clothes all over the room, teach Scarlett how to iron, and listen to PerusingOne explain that it didn’t matter that she missed her flight, she still beat us here. We eventually remember to call Playbiller as we are meeting her for dinner. We take the PATH successfully although Solo did not know how to work the card reader – we would not have let her jump the turnstiles though. Under, maybe. Explained to PerusingOne that the Penn Station in New Jersey was different than the one in New York. (No, she did not realize this). and caught up with RunningFree who provided me with a yellow rose. I liked that. Playbiller eventually found us, and took us to the restaurant in two group after showing us lots of Jersey City (somebody might wanna tell someone left turns on each intersection is really convenient. Really). We order, and the chef goes out and clearly kills every fish in the harbor just for us. Scarlett who is physically unable to leave food behind, insists on taking the 10 lbs. of seafood she has left with us. We then go to the venue, which freakin’ GORGEOUS, and immediately line up to go to the bathroom.

Continued with: The Concert!

Hey! I think my recaps are getting a little shorter!

HA HA HA!

cindilu2 · July 31, 2007

Eee! I'm gonna take my time to read KAndre's novel :RedGuy: but first I want to say how awesome is that Jerome/Clay photo. Is that when he was trying to get him to sing TWYMMF??

OMG how much do I love this guy? :cryingwlaughter:

A couple of August desktop calendars... (okay, so I recycled one - sue me!)

(1024x768 clickables)

Edited July 31, 2007 by cindilu2

treenuts · July 31, 2007

Eee! I'm gonna take my time to read KAndre's novel but first I want to say how awesome is that Jerome/Clay photo. Is that when he was trying to get him to sing TWYMMF??
OMG how much do I love this guy?
A couple of August desktop calendars... (okay, so I recycled one - sue me!)
(1024x768 clickables)

I love your work, cindi!!

And yes, I'm pretty sure that was when Clay wanted him to sing TWYMMF, but I though in part of the clip Jerome started to laugh or smile. Am I wrong?

ldyjocelyn · July 31, 2007

That picture of Jerome?

What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?

:cryingwlaughter:

BRAVO KAndre! More, please?!?!?!

Thank you cindilu2 for all your gorgeous work.

OT: Does anyone here have a Wii? My husband picked one up last week, and I love it! It's so much fun to play. Just curious if anyone else here has one....

jmh123 · July 31, 2007

You're wrong.

Sorry, I couldn't resist..... :RedGuy:

I dunno--I haven't seen a vid of this yet, and only this one pic.

Reminds me of the time during the NAT when Jerome came out with the blonde wig to sing the WY duet with Clay and Clay made him stay on stage. That time Clay was large and in charge. They're a funny pair--I lurve them. Looks like they're sharing a lot of KK's and Mac n' Cheese dinners too.

playbiller · July 31, 2007

what is this about the Christmas tour at Red Bank? isthis not the east coast?

ANyone want me to find a restaurant where we can meet? I am heading down the shore, although this is half way between where I am now and where I am going, but I will have plenty of time to drive down with a friend who used to live there after the NC concerts.

bottlecap · July 31, 2007

KAndre, I always feel like a should take a bathroom break, and then settle down with a large popcorn and a diet coke before I read your recaps. Your travel adventures are endlessly entertaining, and I expect the very nice Canadian men you encountered will never be quite the same.

jmh123 · July 31, 2007

More pretty pictures, by tsunamimommy:

bottlecap · July 31, 2007

More pretty pictures, by tsunamimommy:

Oh My! I think all the Krispy Kremes have stopped going to the poochy tummy and are now going to the shoulders instead. :Thud:

jmh123 · July 31, 2007

# 12 An Evening With His Royal Highness Fantasy Fodder

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1. What should be the next thread title on the FCA board?

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